Once again I turn to the wider community for advice! Haha.
I am trying to figure out my next step with someone I have gone out on two dates with. Here’s the story so far:
I met this person through eHarmony and we exchanged a few emails through that site. For those familiar with eHarmony, we did not do the Guided Communication. I told her that I’m more interested in moving things off-line as I do not think email and online (instant messaging) is a really good way to get to know someone. She agreed and actually volunteered her phone number and her personal email address. We continued to email, now outside of eHarmony and I did make an introductory phone call a couple days later which was short but the “ice breaker”. Most of our communication was during the day, via email, and I did ask her out on a first date - a wine tasting. She said it sounded like fun and we set the details, etc.
On the first date, I arrived at the restaurant for the wine tasting and she was already there. We talked for about 10 minutes at the bar as she finished her drink and then went into the wine tasting area and got out seats. Through the wine tasting, I felt like I was driving the conversation which I took as a sign she was not interested. However, when I engaged her in conversation she was very talkative and responsive but the conversation wasn’t flowing with that comfortable back-and-forth. The tasting lasted about 2 hours and at the end we each bought a few bottles of the wine. After checking out, she excused herself to the restroom. Coincidently an old co-worker and his wife (and another couple I did not know) were also at the wine tasting so I chatted with them while waiting on her to come back. They were sticking around to try a few hoppy beers and I asked if I could join them as I expected my date would make her apologies and head home. At this point I felt she had a good time but I couldn’t really tell if she was interested in me. So my date returned from the restroom and I let her know I was going to stay to catch up with a friend and being polite I told her she was welcome to join us (I expected her to take a pass). Instead she seemed rather happy about it and agreed to stay. We stayed for another 2 hours, splitting different style beers and during this part of the date the conversation opened up much more and she seemed far more engaged in conversation with me. At the end of the night, which was now approaching a 5 hour date, we said good byes and I got a hug. Not a kiss which I didn’t expect, nor a handshake-of-death, but a hug. Pah, middle of the road gesture which left me again having zero clue if she was interested in me.
On the drive home, not 10 minutes after leaving the date, she texted me that she had a great time. I took that as a positive sign and texted back that I did too and asked if there was interest in going out again. “Yes, absolutely interested!” was the response. Woo!
So over the next few days we exchanged emails and a few text messages here and there. After about the 3rd day I brought back up the 2nd date and she again expressed interest. I called her that night and this time the phone conversation was a bit longer with a lot of laughing and joking back and forth. It was not a 30 minute conversation though, maybe 10-15 minutes and very light hearted and fun. Since this was coming up on the week of Thanksgiving and I told her that schedules were going to get hard but let me take a look at my calendar and she should do the same and we’ll touch base in a day or so. Two days later I sent her an email with some options, including post-Thanksgiving Dinner drinks. She responded that the post-Thanksgiving Dinner drinks sounded like a great idea and again we set the plans.
The second date was at a cool little bar in town and for 7pm on Thanksgiving night. We ended up staying until about 11pm again and the conversation was much better than on the first date. Lots of joking, more early date getting to know you questions, some conversation about dating, important things in relationships, what the other person is looking for, and even some brief conversations about recent relationships. Two things happened during this date that I felt were important. 1.) When setting up the date, I had joked that I may drag her to the 80’s night across the street for some dancing. During the date I asked if she had to work the next day and she said that unfortunately she did. I made another joke about how my evil plan was thrwarted now to get her out dancing that night. So a little later, she made a comment off-hand that she wished she didn’t have to work tomorrow as she’d really like to stay out. 2.) We were discussing movies at one point and she mentioned wanting to see the new James Bond flick. A little while later I circled back around to that bit of information and used it as a premise to ask her out on a third date. She said yes, and we agreed to go see it on Sunday. She did say that her aunt and cousin were in town and they have plans for lunch and shopping so it will probably have to be later in the evening. So… 2nd date and I’m feeling much better that there is interest in me, and I’m feeling more interest getting to know her more. We said our good byes as I walked her to her car again and I got another hug but this time was (unless it was my imagination) a bit longer and a bit closer of a hug.
On Saturday I called her to confirm the movie-date for Sunday and got her voicemail. I left a message but she did not return the call or text me that she got the message. On Sunday I had a ton of errands to do but I texted her around mid-afternoon to see if we were still on. She responded back that she had lunch with her aunt/cousin and now they are shopping and she doesn’t know how long she will be. I responded that maybe tonight may not be the best time and that we can do some other night. She replied “Yes, definitely. Sorry. We are still shopping.”. I responded something like “Have fun with the family and crazy crowds and to let me know sometime when you’re up for the movie”.
It has been 3 days. I’ve not texted, emailed, or called her - I figured the ball is in her court. If she is interested, she’ll contact me. Unfortunately, she has not.
So Wise Dopers… your advice please:
Is she just not that into me and I’ve been blown-off?
Should I reach out to her one more time?
If so, what should I say?
[li]One option is to take the approach that I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to get back with her but let her know I’d still like to catch that movie.[/li][li]The other is to directly ask her if I’ve been blown off, of course in a very polite sorta way. Haha. [/ul] [/li]
Or should I just let it go and if she calls/emails/texts then great otherwise chalk it up as a couple good dates but nothing further?
Other advice/next steps?
One final note: We’ve only had 2 dates and I’m not in “Omigod she is perfect I think I’m falling for her” silly mode by any means. She is an incredibly attractive, bright woman and it seems so far that we have quite a few common interests. She is age appropriate to me, has a good career and eduation (BA & MBA), and has similar views on what is important in relationships, etc. So there is strong interest on my part in pursuing this further but although I might be disappointed to get blown off I’d not be crushed here either. A couple good dates, fun conversation, and no harm/no foul if it doesn’t go further.