It’s been said before, but it bears repeating: what a wonderful tribute, that is. And yes, you mourn the person you loved. You don’t blame them for their faults.
My condolances, Slithy. I don’t know what to say, really. Only having “dealt with” one suicide about 7 years ago, I don’t know much about it. And in my example, the person was not extremely close: a son of friends of my parents - who was my age, which made it hit somewhat close to home.
Good luck for you and your daughter, man.
We’re here for you. Keep talking. It helps.
Man…
Anything… uh… look, we’re all here if you need us. Hey, you know that.
It’s a long, hard journey back to the light from where you’re at now, but you’ll make it there. I’m very sorry for your loss and your grief.
I’m so very sorry. I’m offering prayers for your wife, and for your whole family to find peace. Take care. We’re all thinking of you here.
more random useless internet hugs
I’m so sorry, Slithy. I went through this when my sister committed suicide 17 years ago. It’s still hard to think about it.
The other night I had a dream about her. We were just hagning out at her house, laughing. It was very cool.
I’m at such a loss for words. I hope your heart heals quickly, and your stepdaughter’s, too.
I know that words mean almost nothing at this point, but I also know that if no one contributes any words, that’s very painful, as if no one cares. But we do care, very much. All I can say is that I’m sorry for your loss, and glad she went painlessly.
Man, the healing power of drems . . . it’s amazing.
After my relative died, I had nightmares for weeks-- bursting in to try to stop her, but being too late and seeing what happened. I didn’t want to talk about them, but finally, I told my husband about my night terrors. It was if that was the magic cure. After that, I had several dreams in which my relative and I were driving around in her convertible, (man, she loved that car) laughing and gossiping as we used to do.
It felt like I was visiting her in the happy place in which she found herself after she left this life. I like to imagine that now: that she’s eternally cruising a winding highway with the top down, her stereo blasting, laughing at the way the wind tangles her hair around her face.
Slithy, I’m sorry. I’m so very, very sorry. I’m here if you need anything.
{{{{{Slithy Tove}}}}}
I’m very sorry Slithy Tove. 
Times like this can be hard. Death is something we all face, and the death of a loved one - regardless of cause or situation, is never easy. No one can tell you what you’re going to go through. Sure they have the 6 phases of dealing with death and you might go through them, you might not, but you WILL get through them and through this. Don’t bottle it up. You might worry you’re being a burden on your friends, on your family, on those around you, but if they know your situation they will be there for you and you won’t be a burden on them.
And you won’t be a burden on us. We’re a community and a family, I may not know your real name or anything about you, but I know who you are and I know we all care about you.
Thank you all again. Your posts mean more to me than you can know. My family has been supportive, but since she’d put them off rudely, and they know that she’d hurt us terribly, they just don’t have much sympathy for her; and so for what we’re going through.
There’s a lot of things I have to tell my stepdaughter about her mother, things that she herself denigrated out of self-disparagment, such as when she was only five years old, hiding under her bed with her family’s maid in Saigon during the Tet Offensive, or how her dad took her to Lenin’s Tomb and the gaurds hustled her out for gigling at how silly Lenin’s bald head looked lit by only an equally bald lightbulb. Things that anyone but the most despairing would find enriching.
She was Korean/Slavic and her green eyes had flecks of gold in them. We once made love on the bank of a river and when we woke up it was pitch black and we were surrounded by thousands of glow-worms like little stars. When I was in the Navy and we only saw each other for a total of 20 days out of 24 months we kept it alive by exchanging over 600 letters. She once wrote me that a breeze that passes over you will eventually touch the cheek of the one you love. No matter how bad it got later, I could never let that go, and now it’s all I have.
Thank you all again, so much.
I’m also very sorry.
Slithy, your description of her brought tears to my eyes. I’m so very sorry for your and your stepdaughter’s loss.