Okay, I’ve seen four or five episodes now, and as much as I like Jo, I’m not sure she has any more to teach us.
She’s used two discipline methods: The Naughty Corner for unacceptable behavior, and Firmness at Bedtime.
Can it be that easy? It seems to be working, although I’m not sure how many two-year-olds understand the meaning of Unacceptable. Maybe it’s the tone of voice that makes the word understandable to a toddler.
Has she worked with kids older than six? I’m wondering if there’s an upper age limit for her techniques. I’d like to see her take on an 8 or 10 year old.
Has anyone tried this at home? I’d like to know how/if it works without her somewhat formidable presence, with real people, and with families where one parent doesn’t get involved.
There is one basic tried and true method for disciplining children: firm consistency. If parents make rules and enforce them, children will behave. It doesn’t really matter much what the consequences of bad behavior are, as long as there are consistent consequences. I think the Super Nanny simply makes some rules and enforces them. If the parents did the same, it would work. The problem with most ineffective parents is that they can’t or won’t be consistent in following through.
It’s funny, when I saw an episode the first time I had exactly the same reaction: how many shows can there possibly be before this gets boring? I mean basically, every episode will be the same:
Nanny comes to house. Parents exert no control and kids are, well out of control
Nanny says “you’re the parents! exert some control.”
Parents exert control.
Kids behave.
Discipline of children (or adults or even animals for that matter) is a pretty straightforward concept. If you don’t exert control, you will not be in control. If a child is in control of a situation, the situation will be run as you would expect a child to run it.
That’s not to say you don’t listen to kids. That’s not to say you don’t give kids as much control as they can handle, or maybe even a little more to teach them. But when they hold more sway then they are capable of handling, things are destined for disaster.
Bill H it may seem straightforward to you and me, but as a member of a number of parenting communities, both virtual and physical, I can tell you that this word you use…control … it comes with a lot of baggage for many postmodern parents.
We teach our kids to understand and use words like ‘inappropriate’ and I don’t believe young children have any more difficulty learning big words than they do learning kiddy words like ‘bad’. Just depends on what they’re exposed to. I’ve met people who are horrified over my young son’s use of the word ‘disobedient’. Obedience seems to be confused with oppression, and hearing a 4 year old use the term makes many peoples’ hearts crack.
Hubby and I watched 2 episodes and reached the same conclusion voiced here, but I don’t think Jo’s work in the States is done yet. Not by a long shot. Not until there is a shift in pop-parenting away from the philosophy that parents get respect from their children by giving it, (as if there is a giant, reciprocal scoreboard of familial respect) and back toward the philosophy that parents earn the respect of their children simply by providing some sound parenting.
I’ve only seen one episode, and only parts of that, because my 1-yr-old twins are still really labor-intensive. But I thought there was more to the Nanny than simply consistent discipline. I saw her setting the kids up for success rather than failure. The Nanny scheduled regular play together time for the family, which gave the kids attention at a time other than when they misbehaved, and gave them ways of getting to know their parents outside of their disciplinary role. IMO, this is big.
I also thought her “control” would be better described as “boundaries”. The Nanny doesn’t seem to expect parents to program their children’s every movement and response. She’s training parents to be a source of security by providing rules that make life more manageable. It’s not the same thing as control. Rules alone aren’t enough, they need to be worthwhile ones.
I agree, ** fessie** and Farmwoman …and her work is sooo not done here.
I also woud like to see her take on an 11 y/o. but then again, Nannies are usually for the rug rat crowd, no? Then off to boarding school…
I watched last noc, for no good reason, except that I was intrigued. I liked her way of dealing with the 2 y/o–and couldn’t believe the sheer ineptness of the parents? They’re afraid to put Billy in a booster seat? WTF? Billy deserved that seat as a step up–big boy stuff! And then they wonder why he acts like a baby? You’re treating him like a baby!
Frankly, after the show, I gave myself kudos for being a better parent than I thought I was! Firm, consistent limits and not only negative attention–it ain’t rocket science.
But that is not to say that I don’t understand the ovewhelming-ness of it all or how hard it can be to be patient that one last time…it can be a nightmare, parenting.
I do like the way she supported the parents and didn’t make them feel stupid or ineffective. So much of parenting these days is a one-upmanship on tolerance and sacrifice. Did anyone read that Newsweek article about the Moms last week (cover story). It was good.
Missed that article, sorry to say, sounds like it’s worth looking for. But I agree w/what you said about one-upmanship. So far I don’t have any new Mommy friends IRL! Not a one! And I struggle w/the self-sacrificing balancing act.
Honestly, now that I’m a parent myself, I’m amazed that more children aren’t abused and neglected. Really. It takes so much self-control to respond lovingly when they’re whining and crying for the umpteenth time. Luckily I waited until I got old and mellow before having kids - 15 years ago I would’ve lost it by now. And the sad thing is, there’s almost always a reasonable solution to their discomfort, but it can be hard to find when you’re sick and tired of the whole thing.
It would be interesting to see the Nanny tackle a situation like that. Perhaps she has (I should watch more often).
Good point! I’d forgotten about that – the editors could show more of this interaction, less of the kids getting out of bed and pitching fits.
I liked last night’s parents. Mom seemed to recognize that the little girl was being overly-emotional, and that getting attention for it was part of the problem. I liked that Jo pointed out that kids shouldn’t be disciplined for what they were feeling – getting sent to the Naughty Room just because she was sulky wasn’t right, even though mom was annoyed by the sulky behavior.
It’d be cool if they would revisit the families in several months and see if the parents have managed to maintain this.
Yep, I agree about the “let them have their feelings” bit, and follow up visits would be great.
Also, discipline changes as the kids age–I cannot put my 15 y/o in the “naughty room” (the mind boggles with what they’s get up to there!). But the need for patience (Joblike) and tolerance doesn’t end–and can get harder.
At least (and it ain’t much) when they are little–they really do think that you have the answers and that you are the ultimate authority on life. As they grow, the physical care gets much, much easier, but the mental/emotional can be more draining.
Jeesh-what downer! Sorry. There is a “golden age” (for me, anyway) --it’s about from 6-11. Bliss, sheer, bliss.
I was saddened when the nanny praised the two year old and his face totally lit up. Do these kids never get praise from mom and dad?
I think all parents should have to have a dog before they can have kids. A lot (not all, by a long shot) of the skills learned by training a dog (get on their level, tone of voice and consistency, routine, etc) are skills transferred to parenting.
Is it just me or is this show amazing birth control.
I think I would kill these kids if they were mine. The idea of living like these people do for years is just astonding. The only way I’ll ever have kids is if the Super Nanny herself decides to cross with this Zebra.
Well, the last thing I want in life is a dog, but I am a good mother. So, I have to disagree with you there.
I do agree with your underlying principle, though–that people should have to demonstrate some basic ability to be responsible for something that is completely dependent on them.
