The Rib-tickling Joker King can amuse small children, charm beautiful women, and leave villains rolling on the floor laughing until the cops get here with the cuffs.
Not necessarily. Loki’s one of the Aesir and, like him, I’m a bit opportunistic.
Donald Blake, I’m not.
Big Bad Voodoo Lou is more of an antihero. He prowls the city streets by night, looking for a good time… or trouble. And he usually finds both in the form of sexy femme fatales who are up to no good. The man dresses sharp, usually in a fine double-breasted suit, or occasionally in a cool retro bowling shirt. If weather permits, he wears his badass trench coat, and his shoes are always black and white Doc Martens spectator shoes, perfect for kicking hired goons where it hurts, or dancing the night away with the lovely ladies he saves from dark fates. He’s a man who lives for good meals, cold beers, cool jazz, and deadly mysteries to solve. He can hold his own in a brawl if he has to (without even rumpling his suit or losing his fedora), but he’s more of a lover than a fighter. And he never starts fights, only finishes them. When evil finds Big Bad Voodoo Lou, his motto is “Come out swingin’!”
I have an uncanny ability to call things by the wrong name. Together, nameless and I form the world’s least-effective superhero team.
Brilliant museum curator Dr. Fidelius has recently left Miskatonic University after discovering how to activate an amulet which inspired mindless and unbreakable loyalty. It was originally made by the Old Ones to keep Shoggoths under control. Only J’onn J’onzz of all the Justice League is immune to its power…
I have the enviable power of overheating your radiators and decommissioning your national highway system.
I get my powers from the sun. These powers include making evildoers all hot and sunburned. I also am both a little bit crazy and short-tempered, and prone to missing waxing appointments.
An outwardly normal, pleasant-looking, well-spoken individual, Beware of Doug has a mysterious power of driving people away anytime he opens his mouth.
Fffft. In your dreams.
The A.S.K.I.A. is indomitable, taunting his foes with puns and quips before pummelling them senseless.
Confronting Regallag the Axe, he quips, “Regallag don’t axe. Nordic hack! Sheepfucker! Attack me? Methinks ye bit off more than ewe can chew!” Then he bitch-slaps him into last Thor’s Day.
Regarding Aesiron, he asks, “Him, an avatar? Aesirious? Well, Loki for you!”
His supernatural prowress side, Lou’s kung-voo is weak. A.S.K.I.A. makes him his special bitch, maximum penitentary-style, renaming him Big Lad Voodoo Boo.
Miskatonic University grad was barely worth mocking, but he finishes him by grabbing his crotch and lewdly exclaiming, “Hey, Doc! Fidel-ius!”
The A.S.K.I.A. Listens to mojave66’s origin and scoffs, “Well, la dee dah. Get a-road of him.”
Eureka has the power of inspiring other people to new heights of creative genius.
Unfortunately, many of them are later discovered to be things that other people already knew.
I, being Mr. Miskatonic, can summon the Great Cthulhu.
Once.
Don’t ask me to prove it.
soulmurk (not capitalized purposefully) would have power over the soul and… erm, murk.
He’d be made of congealed shadows, having a vaguely human form and no discernable face. Black light (not the cool kind used with Jimi Hendrix posters) and cold would radiate from him and cause anyone who approached him to become irrationally afraid… and wish they’d brought mittens.
His power would be to make people face their own worst fear and enemy, themselves. With biting sarcasm and dreadful irony he would prowl the night, correcting grammatical errors and forcing the ignorant to actually think before they speak. Racists and misogynists by the score would fall before his might and see the error of their ways. -ists would be wiped clean from the planet one victim, um, bad guy at a time.
And when all of humanity was enjoined in complete harmony… he’d use his powers of fear to rule the world as humanity’s dark god.
Background: soulmurk was a humble boy deemed over-courteous and understanding by his peers, but especially his ex-girlfriend. He spent most of his life in introspective contemplation, until one day, while under the influence of a very large quantity of LSD, his inward journey led him so far inward, that he fell into himself… opening a gateway to a plane of complete negativity and anti-matter. Using his self-training as a contemplative, he recognized the danger of the situation and compelled his intellect back into being by logic that if he could think, he still existed. It was at that moment that he was hit by a truck hauling uranium on the Garden State Parkway (which he was wandering across, naked, due also to the immense amount of LSD he had taken–exit 128 if you must know) en route to its dump site in the Hudson Bay and was transformed into the humble-yet-proud anti-superhero/quasi-villain, soulmurk.
Somewhere someone is about to do something to tip the delicate cosmic balance toward pretentious from …err… not.
Fear not citizens! Scanning the globe for signs of pretentiousity, it’s… NO PRETENTIOUS MAN!
NPM: “STOP, Pretentious-Doers!”
PG1: “You’ll never stop our attempts to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, and so forth, than we actually possess, No Pretentious Man!”
PG2: Ra-ther!
CNL: “Someone better put these creeps on ice.”
PG1&2: “Codename Lad!!”
NPM: “So, do you come quietly, or do we take you down… real CASUAL like.”
PG1&2: Gulp
(Does anyone else hope Amazon Floozy Goddess drops by to make some of her deee-lightful cartoon sketches of all these heros?)
As I understand it, Aesiron, that’s not quite true. All the other Aesir are related in some obvious way, but Loki is only related as Odin’s blood-brother. The research I’d done on Loki when I took his name as my own left me with the impression that he’s neither fish, nor fowl. Just there.
Obviously, I’m a trickster. Going around making life more interesting for my friends and enemies. As for powers… they’re liable to change without notice. Certainly I can affect random chance, I also have the ability to shift shape.
Think of me as a gimbal mounted shotgun - with no stop-motion palls, cheerfully blasting away in any direction. Oh, and I’m also father to the monster-brood, so… family feuds get fuuuuugly.
My limited vocabulary is mitigated by my ability to appear and disappear whenever the hell I want to.
pinkfreud:
Clad in shocking pink spandex with a “Hello Kitty” logo and wearing rose-colored glasses, pinkfreud uses her peachy psychoanalytical psuperpowers to help the helpless, to befriend the friendless, and to defeat the defeatless. It has been noted that if you synchronize pinkfreud with The Wizard of Oz, you can create a chronosynclastic infundibulum that illuminates the Dork Side of the Moon.
Motto: Remember, folks, don’t carry a candle to a bar fight. All in all, you’re just another wick in the brawl.
POW!
You’re blind!
Picker has the power to be instantly distracted by any musical instrument in the vicinity and to immediately forget about anything else that’s going on.
He does also have the ability to talk minutiae about music until the villian’s eyes just glaze over and they collapse in a state of extreme boredom and annoyance. Unfortunately, this also affects his social life…
I sit in the parking lot entrance, holding my pathetic little sign:
“Will clean any flat, transparent surface for food
at super speed!!!”