Surrendered Wife

Any one else heard of this book? I simply can’t believe it. I know my hubby has at heart good intentions, but he gave me this book and I am horrified! The sheer and utter crap expounded in this book should is simply not to be believed. Oh, the author makes a few salient points on not being a shrew or a bitch, but the rest of it? Junk, and insulting junk at that.
I’m not quite sure what to say to my hubby…

I struggle every day to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

Never heard of it; what’s it about?

I checked out their website and found this:

“She trusts her husband’s judgment–with the dishes, with the kids, driving, with the finances. She also receives his gifts–big and small–graciously, and
defers to his thinking where she might have
debated or argued in the past. A Surrendered Wifeis vulnerable where she used to be a nag, trusting where she used to be controlling, grateful where she used to be dissatisfied and has faith where she once had doubt. She is abundant where she used to feel impoverished, and typically has more
disposable income than she did before she

I especially love the last part. Why don’t you tell your hubby that you believe there is another name for a woman who surrenders in exchange for disposable income?

Seriously, sounds like your husband has some issues, but that doesn’t mean he can make them all your fault.

This book sells itself as a “woman’s spiritual guide to intimacy with a man”. The jacket cover is just about taylor made for an uninformed man, it promises to help wifey give up being a nag, fall in love with her hubby again, ect…
It is about the surrender of your independant self to your husband, how to give control of the relationship to him, allow him to control the finances, and make the majority of the decisions in the marriage/family raletionship. Yes, the book actually says this stuff, I am not just summarizing.
I’m still flabbergasted.

Cher3, I will mention that to him. Good point.

BTW, my spelling skills seem to have run off this afternoon, apologies all around.

You are hitting then nail on the head by saying that he’s trying to make his issues into something I am at fault for.

aenea, who’s the author? I think I’ve found the perfect present for my fiancee. She should get some idea of what married life is going to be like.

(Arnold’s protests of “I was only kidding” are drowned out by the crackling of the flames of the bonfire)

The Surrendered Wife: A Woman¹s Spiritual Guide to True Intimacy with a Man

by Laura Doyle, Christine Gordon (Editor), Tony Bisson

Arnold :rolleyes: it’s Laura Doyle, and she’s going into that bonfire with you…

I took a peek at the reviews and consumer comments…the interesting part is how the appearance of “surrendering” makes it possible to much more successfully manipulate the man in your life.

Women. Just when you think you’ve got that doormat solidly under your heels, it throws you off the porch.


I took look at the first chapter that was posted, and, I must admit she’s a really slick operator. Pick a demographic of insecure women and sock it to them. It all sounds almost plausible until you get to the last part. Don’t surrender if he’s abusive or addicted, but that’s it. Cheated on you? Well…that’s his responsibility, but it was your fault, you nag.

What really gives me the shivers is the calculating materialism. Nearly every example she gives is about getting more money and stuff about of the breadwinner. These books always end up making both men and women look so pathetic–and there’s another one out every other month. Burns my biscuits.

aenea- did hubby give it as a joke?
If not, well, I don’t even know what to say.
I do not nor have I ever had a husband, so advice from me would not really be helpful I fear. But the whole idea of a man giving a woman something like that in all seriousness seems kind of scary.

This life is a test. It is only a test. If it had been an actual life, you would have received further instructions on where to go and what to do.

I’m not so surprised that people buy these books. What in the past has surprised me (but no longer does, I’m getting accustomed to it) is the number of women that are against feminism, and refuse the label feminist. They seem to think it’s wrong to fight for equal rights?!? I just don’t get it. But I suppose it’s easier to go with the flow, because the way of the reformer is never easy.

Psycat90, He has not read the book, but yes, my husband was serious when he gave it to me. I don’t know what to say…
It’s not that I’m at a loss for words, just at a loss for any nice* words.

Psycat90, He has not read the book, but yes, my husband was serious when he gave it to me. I don’t know what to say…
It’s not that I’m at a loss for words, just at a loss for any nice* words.

Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t we repeal the Constitutional amendment giving women the right to vote while we’re at it? I don’t need to vote, I’m sure there’s some dominant male figure I can trust to make that decision for me.

Remember, if you can’t handle the responsibility of freedom and equality, there are those who will be more than happy to take them away.

An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.

I haven’t seen the whole book, so I can’t say whether it gets worse than what she describes on her site. You know, I don’t think I would find the advice to trust your partner and give him/her some space to be a problem if it weren’t directed at women, exclusively. A lot of people fall into the habit of micromanaging their partners (and their kids, and their employees, for that matter), but to suggest that it is mainly a question of women “emasculating” their husbands is really offensive. She’s just trying to ride the Dr. Laura bandwagon to fame and fortune.

Aenea: Is your husband in a church men’s group or a men’s reading group? This sounds like the kind of stuff that gets passed around in those kinds of situations.

I don’t know what I’d do, honestly, since I don’t know your husband. If it came from my husband, I’d just tell him to save his money and tell me what his problem was.

Neuro - you got it exactly! Hell, why don’t we all just take our shoes off now, and quietly go into the kitchen.

Cher3, yes the book gets worse. I have no problem letting my hubby be the man of the family, and I probably need to be a little less aggressive at times. Yet this book suggests that we learn to maniplate our husbands with sex and by seeming to give into them always, lure them into trusting us as wives, and gain financial benefits from letting him control all the financial decisions. Hmmmmmmmmm.

No, hubby is not a bible thumper, or in a men’s group. (Thank Goodness!)

As I go home tonight, I really have to keep in mind that he meant well. (or else I will just have to kill him)He has not read this book, and it is cleverly marketed.

We are definately having a talk.

Have him read the book before you discuss it with him. Then, one way or the other, you’ll really have something to talk about.

If he likes the book, be sure to ask for a raise :slight_smile:

Sounds like a Promise Keeper thing.

If he didn’t actually read the book, then he might think it’s just something to help you deal with stress. But I support the notion of telling him to read it, then discussing it.

Of course I’ve never had a husband either. :wink:

Rereading the subtitle, maybe he think’s its a book on giving better sex.

Somehow I just can’t believe that he really knows what this book is about.


I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!