First, I had a hard time deciding which forum this ‘belongs’ to. It’s based on a book (Cafe Society?) but I’m soliciting real life opinions (IMHO?) though it actually is a fairly important subject to most people (Great Debates?) and I fear it could turn into a battle (Barbecue Pit?)…so I’m tossing it here, sort of as a default. If wrong, my apologies to the Mod who has to move it.)
Inspired by a mention in another thread, I read “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger – normally something I’d never read, not being a member of the Religious Right which is my impression of where her views fit.
Now, if I were to boil down her book into a few sentences, it would go:
Modern women have been misled into believing in a unisex world, and should get back to accepting that men and women are different in vitally important, non-changeable way, and adjust their behavior accordingly. Specifically, wives should devote themselves to meeting their husband’s basic needs as men, meaning you should give them affection and admiration and approval and acceptance. The best ways of doing this include praising them for they do right, being grateful for their efforts on supporting the household (her default audience seems to be Stay At Home wifes with Working Husbands), not nagging, keeping the household running so it’s decently clean and non-hectic, providing good home cooked meals most of the time, being attentive to his need for attention, not dumping too much of your own neediness on him, accepting him for who he is, and (very important) providing lots of good sex to show you still love and admire him.
Now, in truth I don’t have argument with much of the above, except that I wouldn’t have defined it as narrowly as ‘things a wife has to do to make her husband happy.’ More, ‘This is the way normally socialized and decent people treat the other normally socialized and decent people they care about and live with in order to make their lives nice and show you care.’ Well…except for the sex. 
I mean, if you’re living in your parent’s home, I hope you’d show respect, admiration, affection and what-all to both your parents, your siblings, any other household members. I hope you’d help to keep the house clean and neat, that you at least help out in the kitchen sometimes, etc. Ditto if you’re roommates or whatever. It’s a matter of being a pleasant to be around person, right?
But…Dr. Schlessinger takes it to such extremes. Her examples are always of women who are behaving as such utter bitches to men who are the salt of the earth, put upon heroes – it comes across as that is the way she sees things as being for the vast majority of the world today, at least in America. Really? Okay, I know a few women who fit into parts of the picture, but rarely ones who are evil in all those ways simultaneously. And those who are, aren’t generally married for long, you know?
However, my main point is, can she possibly be right that men are such utterly gormless simpletons that they will ‘nobly’ put with virtually unending amounts of such ‘abuse’ from their wives without complaining? And so ‘simple’ that she can deliver these blanket projections of how they will respond with forgiveness and eagerness and bliss as soon as the wife mends her way?
Forgive me, but throughout the book it sounded to me like she has men confused with dogs. “Pat him on the head, and he cannot help falling at your feet and worshiping you.” “Give him lots of sex, and he will crawl through broken glass to satisfy any whim you have.” “Show him you admire him and he will do anything you ask.” Stuff like that, over and over and over, in just such cut and dried terms.
She flat out says ‘Men are simple’ – meaning in terms of psychology – at least several dozen times in the course of the book. Women are complex and complicated in their desires, but men have these half-dozen or so wants, and if the wife meets those, the husband will love and worship her forever.
I just don’t buy it. Again, yes, I’m sure people who get love, affection, their living conditions needs (cleanliness, cooked meals, whatever) met are happier. And if you’re happier, you’re likely to treat the people who make you happy in nicer ways. But…
The way she makes everything so clear cut, black and white, carried to extremes just makes my skeptical nature rear up. I just don’t believe ‘all women are complex, and all men are simple’ can possibly be true, or even close enough to true to use it as your guidebook for living.
But seriously, she tries so hard, and she’s so emotional I think she would see that rather unemotional laid-back attitude as a noble thing. I don’t think it’s necessarily a male-female thing, but I’m sure she doesn’t see it that way.