Sushi etiquette and planning a sushi restaurant meal

Cafe Society
1

I enjoy many kinds of sushi, but know practically nothing about it. I’d like to go to a fairly nice sushi joint for a special occasion with one other person who is a non-sushi eater. My hope is to sit at the bar and be served chef’s choice of everything. I have never done this before.

I’m fine with raw fish such as tuna/salmon etc but am somewhat wary of some of the more exotic flavors and textures, especially those that may taste “fishy.” Am I right in thinking when the chef serves me a large tentacle covered with suckers, if I don’t eat it with enthusiasm he will intuit this and give me a California Roll next?

I need very basic tips on how to eat different varieties without embarrassing myself. Chopsticks, fingers, wasabi, soy? One bite or two? Fish side up or down in the mouth?

Finally, is it OK to not drink alcohol in this situation, and is it ok for my friend to sit with me at the bar but not have sushi? He’d have teriyaki or tempura or some such. If that’s rude all by itself, sitting at a table is fine, but I still would like a slightly personalized menu if that’s possible at a table.

2

My experience (fairly limited and a while back) with these kinds of restaurants is that they want you to be happy. Also, if you are not in Japan they will be more liberal about behavior than if you were in Japan. Your friend can have non-sushi food at the sushi bar (assuming it’s on the menu). It’s okay for you not to have alcohol at the sushi bar, but it is normal to have tea at the end of the meal, so you may just end up with water while you’re eating.

On the other hand, if you ask for chef’s choice, there would be some expectation that you are willing to be a little adventurous. A tentacle with suckers will be octopus, which is not actually raw but (I think) boiled a little and then chilled. It will be crunchy and the taste very mild. The fishiest tasting things would probably be the roe/eggs. The one I have trouble with is squid, I find it like eating slippery rubber bands. So if I wanted to order chef’s choice, I might add “but please, no squid.” But if you don’t know what you don’t want, you might explain to the wait person who is serving you, who should speak English well enough, that you want to try new things but you might not like everything. It may end up being a negotiation, where the chef points to something and you not or shake your head. I think they will try very hard not to make you feel bad, but if you nod your head at something and then don’t like it, you’ll still be expected to pay for it.

I hope this helps. Unless you are in a pretty big city, I think the chances of actually getting a real Japanese sushi chef might be fairly slim.

3

Have you identified the establishment? Where are you geographically? What follows is based on the assumption that you’re in the US.

What you’re talking about is generally referred to as omakase, and not every sushi place does it. And, in my experience, most that do are preparing a fixed sequence that is the same for all customers. If there’s one particular thing you really don’t enjoy you could probably tell them in advance and they’d accommodate you if it happened to be something that was planned.

As far as embarrassment? Do what you want. Generally, go for a single bite for each piece, as that’s the intent, and it will just be a neater, cleaner experience. Trying to bite off 1/2 of a small piece of fish and associated rice while keeping the other half in tact for bite #2 seems like an exercise in futility. Hands vs. chopsticks is maybe a question of tradition, but both are fine. Most people use chopsticks. You’re not “supposed” to put the wasabi in your soy sauce. This makes sense, as you might not want wasabi and soy on every bite. And, different sushi preparations might come with their own sauces, vegetable herb or pickle garnishes, and so probably don’t need soy or wasabi. It’d be like ordering steak au poivre and then dousing it with A1 because “that’s what you put on steak”. All that said, really, you do you. Anyone who makes you feel embarrassed or guilty for enjoying food the wrong way is not worth paying attention to, and whether they are American or Japanese, are trying to impose a rigidity of culture that does not reflect reality.

Re alcohol, of course it’s ok to not drink alcohol, and it’s ok to order food from the kitchen at the sushi bar. The menu will be the same at the bar or at the table. But, this may or may not be true at every establishment. Just go to their website- if they do not explicitly indicate that bar seating is for X only, then it’s all good.

A quick search on reddit turned up this thread where someone shares a menu from a sushi place in California with etiquette rules and the accusation that doing any of these things shows disrespect to Japanese culture. The chef may believe that, but it’s proscribing a particular set of rules that are far from universal in Japan. Someone in that thread made this comparison, and I liked it: it’s like insisting to someone new to American cuisine that you should never put both ketchup and mustard on a hot dog. Of course that’s silly, and we know that anyone who actually cares what condiment you put on your hot dog is just personal preference. It’s not a perfect comparison because respect and tradition play differently in American and Japanese culture, but you get the idea.

4

This is exactly right.

I would strongly suggest being open with the sushi chef. Don’t ask for omakase (that’s a specific thing), and don’t pretend you know what you’re doing when you don’t; instead, say, “We’re both beginners, but we’re very interested and we’re open to learning. Can you give us some guidance?”

Any sushi chef of reasonable skill would be happy to take you through some entry level stuff and then increase the complexity if you’re handling things okay. Just remember to give positive, encouraging feedback as you go, and then tip well.

5

I went to sushi places in Tokyo with my Japanese coworkers. They were okay with me eating with my fingers, biting pieces in half and mixing my soy sauce with Wasabi. What the frowned upon was using chopsticks to stab the sushi.

There was also much rice beer and warm saki served, it was a great time.

6

I’m confused about the entire evening plan. You have someone you want to have a special occasion with. So you choose a cuisine they don’t eat, and one where you’re “leveling up” into doing something unfamiliar to you too.

You do you, but that sounds to me like a recipe for a stress filled less than happy experience. Especially compared to what you could do if you both were comfortable.

7

Oh, I thought it meant chef’s choice, which is what I actually want, though the “no squid, please” stipulation is a good one (thanks Roderick). What’s the specific thing omakase means?

Excellent analogy. But would some pieces customarily need soy and/or wasabi, like you’d just generally put mustard on a hot dog? I’ve always dabbed everything with a bit of wasabi and dipped in soy sauce but would be very happy to experience flavors unmasked by condiments, so should I dispense with wasabi/soy altogether, just as I’d never put A1 on a steak? Or would that be like never putting butter on a baked potato?

I saw that very Reddit thread you linked some time ago and was intimidated; thanks for the encouragement.

Btw I’m in the Pacific Northwest in a big city. I have a choice of several restaurants.

8

It’s my traditional birthday dinner out. We usually do Japanese as a once-per-year treat for me, but only ever before sat at a table. I don’t think it will be too tense or unpleasant for my partner, who likes non-fish Japanese food well enough.

9

If you’re in Seattle, let me plug this place. Been there 3 times now, and had 3 amazing experiences. (it can be a bit loud when busy)

Umi Sake House

10

Gotcha. Thank you. That sounds lots better than what I was mistakenly imagining.

11

A lot of your questions have been covered, so I’ll add my experience, and what I don’t think has been mentioned:

I tend to use chopsticks, though as mentioned fingers are fine. I think in Japan one bite is cutomary. But I usually eat nigiri in two bites, though that can be a delicate process using chopsticks while biting it in half, and trying to keep the other half intact. But a whole piece of nigiri usually seems like too big of a mouthful all at once. I prefer to savor my sushi, rather than feel like I’m wolfing it down and half choking on it. But maybe that’s just me.

Turn the nigiri piece upside down so you only dip the fish part in the soy sauce- it’s considered bad taste to dip the rice and have it soak up too much soy sauce like a sponge. Then I eat it fish side down on the tongue, both because it’s already fish side down from dipping, and I want to taste the fish first.

I believe I’ve heard that it can be considered rude to have tempura at the sushi bar, since the smell of the fried food can overwhelm the delicate flavors of the sushi for the other bar patrons. I have no idea if that’s a hard and fast rule or not, but if your friend is definitely having tempura a table might be better, just to be considerate.

ETA: Oh and, nice username / post combo :sushi: :octopus: :fish: :grin:

12

Wut?? “Chef’s choice” is exactly what omakase is. It literally translates as “I’ll leave it up to you”.

The “specific thing” is that in some upscale sushi bars, you may be able to order sushi or sashimi omakase. Sashimi is commonly thought of as “raw fish without the rice” but when we ordered sashimi omakase at one very good sushi bar, we were pleasantly surprised to find that it consisted of a wide variety of interesting Japanese foods, not all of it fish and some of it served hot. Which was then followed by many courses of sushi. It was essentially a large and more diverse omaksase that just sushi. YMMV. And yes, OP, if you know very little about sushi, it makes good sense to be upfront about it with the chef and ask for guidance.

13

I’m not any kind of expert but I can share my experiences at good sushi bars. To address some of the questions, in no particular order.

Whether you can get omakase at a table is up to the specific establishment. It’s generally much preferable to sit at a sushi bar where you can watch and interact with the chef. But because space at the bar is limited, your friend who apparently doesn’t want sushi may be seen as problematic.

I can’t speak to your tastes in sushi, but I can say that even though I can get queasy even thinking about some oddball exotic foods, I have never had a problem with anything served at a good upscale sushi bar. Mainly because it’s so beautifully prepared and perfectly seasoned. I’ve had no trouble with octopus (which isn’t raw; it might be cooked in a small oven, or seared with a small blowtorch) or with things like urchin. Urchin might sometimes be served as regular nigiri sushi, or might be in a little seaweed pocket (but it isn’t a roll).

At the best sushi bars, don’t expect to be served wasabi. The wasabi should be contained within the sushi in the amount, if any, that the chef deems necessary. You will likely be served just a dish of soy sauce and a plate of pickled ginger, which the chef should keep replenished. And I’ve never seen a good sushi bar serve any kind of “roll”, California or otherwise. Also, a top-notch sushi bar will rarely if ever serve salmon. I was once served sushi with a pinkish fish and asked if it was salmon. The chef looked offended.

As for soy sauce, the usual procedure is to delicately hold it upside down with your fingers and gently dip it fish side down in the soy, then right it again and consume in a single bite. The worse thing you can do is dip it in the soy rice side down; it will absorb far too much sauce. In some establishments you may be able to ask the chef to brush soy sauce on the sushi for you if it requires it, which I find very convenient.

Obviously if you or your friend has any allergies, let the chef know, but otherwise I’d strongly suggest letting him exercise his expertise with minimal interference.

14

Well, yes, it does mean chef’s choice (or, per above, literally “I leave it to you”). However, in practice, consider this means what the chef would choose. Not what’s commonly ordered by mainstream diners, but what’s the choice of the experienced sushi chef. You almost certainly won’t get, like, salmon, unless there’s something unique about it. In addition, there’s often an element of "show me what you can do.”

So if the place does offer omakase, and takes it seriously, and if you ask for omakase without any other context, you will most likely get a combination of what’s absolutely the freshest stuff behind the counter, what the chef thinks is the most interesting, and what allows the chef to show off technique. I wouldn’t recommend this for someone starting out.

Instead, like I said, I’d confess to being a newbie and ask for a beginner’s selection, and then you will indeed get the chef’s choice — for you.

15

What you say is basically correct but I don’t see why a beginner should be deprived of it. Despite being a somewhat picky eater, as I said I’ve never had anything at a good sushi bar that wasn’t completely delightful.

But there’s an interesting sidelight to this. At one really good sushi bar, the chef offered a kind of “super” omakase that used rarer and more costly ingredients than the regular omakase, as fantastic as it was, and took more skill to prepare. It was not only a lot more costly, but he would only serve it to customers he knew well. But this was mainly because he felt it would be wasted on the less discriminating. I don’t think this is really the case here.

16

As the OP is in the PNW I will note that the finest sushi I have ever had is at Akira in Eugene. And I have eaten at fancy sushi places in most major American cities (though never in Japan).

17

Former itamae here. For context, I’m Japanese American (born and raised in the US), and worked behind the bar for about five years.

There’s a lot of good information being shared. I think many of your questions will tend to take care of themselves depending on what kind of place you choose. If they have a menu with a jillion variations of Monster Truck Rolls and there’s at least one table of Sushi Bros pounding sake bombs, you’re not getting a traditional sushi restaurant experience, so do whatever you want. If, OTOH, the place has a case full of fresh fish at the bar and the itamae’s hands look like he (or she) could pound nails with them, your expectations should be heightened. Omakase is not a bad way to go. It allows the itamae to choose from what they’ve got on the day that s/he thinks you’ll like. It’s not usually a set course because the selection varies with seasonality and availability of fish. Or maybe they’re just sold out of something. It’s perfectly ok to tell the itamae if you have any dislikes. I, for instance, think ika (squid) is a waste of money and effort. I also won’t eat tako (octopus) not because I don’t like it, but because they are so smart it bothers me to eat them. (Yeah, I still enjoy pork in all it’s forms - so sue me!) Most importantly, though, is to tell the itamae that have a little experience with sushi and you’re expanding your knowledge base, then provide some feedback on what you’ve been served. “I didn’t like this, I loved that, do you have anything else that is similar?” goes a long way to getting the best experience possible. Also important is to give the itamae how much you’re willing to spend, lest you get sticker shock when the bill arrives.

Personally, I prefer to start with milder items, and build toward stronger tasting items. Typically among the last things I’ll have are saba (pickled makerel), kohada (pickled gizzard shad), or something similar. My very last, assuming I’m not already stuffed, is tamago (egg/omelet), which is lightly sweet and a little salty, too. My favorites are toro (tuna belly), hotategai (scallops, also sometimes called kaibashira), and hamachi/buri (yellowtail).

As for whether the restaurant will mind seating a non-sushi eater at the bar, just ask. If they’re busy, they may not allow it. As long as your companion eats some sushi, though, they probably will be allowed to order non-sushi items to eat at the bar, too.

ETA: If you really want the best possible experience, go on a night when the place is not getting slammed, chat up the itamae, and buy him a beer (or other beverage). Some of my best customers eventually learned what I liked to drink, and would stop by the cocktail bar to buy one for me before sitting down in front of me.

18

I have had the experience at a sushi bar of a chef asking me what my favorite fish is. After which I was delighted to have said fish prepared in a variety of ways.

At another sushi establishment the chef noted what my friend and I ordered initially and our reactions to it, then offered us a few items he came up with for us based on that, but different than what we had ordered - he was clearly experimenting. That sort of thing can be very fun. You could start by ordering some familiar pieces of sushi then asking the chef for recommendations.

But what someone said up thread about the establishment want you to be happy is the mark of any good eating establishment. A good (much less excellent) sushi bar will have no problem if you say “vegetarian only” or “no raw fish” or “no X”. They don’t want to serve you food that makes you unhappy (or ill). There are a myriad or reasons people don’t eat this or that ingredient and a good establishment won’t ask why but will respect the diner’s choices.

Sushi bars in the US understand that the average American has little to no skill with chopsticks. Treating it as finger food is acceptable.

19

Okay, I have had not only extensive experience, but one sushi chef was kind enough to give us lessons in sushi etiquette.

You generally order what you want, the chef usually doesnt just put things out for you. If you are in a place like that you can certainly go (like I do) 'No eel, or goop on the top please". I also have sworn off octopus. Chefs choice is also called omakase, and generally if you order that at the bar, and you are expected to eat everything.

Chopsticks are best but in rolls covered with seaweed (hand rolls) yes, eat with your hands. In fact unless it gets messy, most sushi can be eaten with bare hands. BUT- be sure to wash your hands before eating.

Some chefs get a little miffed if you add too much wasabi or soy sauce. (There is one guy that was famous for refusing to serve anyone who added anything to his “creations”, but he was generally considered to be eccentric).

It is certainly Okay to not have alcohol, (most dont in fact) but in general, nothing sweet is best. Tea, water, etc, but not soda. Your buddy can have tempura, etc, sure, but some experts think eating any of those before or with sushi dulls the flavor. So, dont share until laters. And generally order tempura etc at a table, not the bar.

Exactly.

Same here, but I will eat squid at chefs choice. But not order it.

20

And then there’s otoro, buttery extra-fatty bluefin tuna belly so tender that it melts in your mouth! It’s among my favourite types of sushi. Usually served raw, with the usual wasabi inside and brushed with soy sauce, but occasionally just for something different the chef will very briefly blast it with a blowtorch!

That could be fun, but I’m totally enamoured of the concept of omakase. Indeed, some sushi bars have nothing else. The only thing you get to order separately is drinks. At one wonderful sushi bar with an extensive sake menu, the waiter (there was a drinks waiter in addition to the chef) I was having a hard time with the long list, so he asked me to describe what kind of sake I preferred. He brought us each about half a dozen samples so we could decide. Needless to say, this kind of service doesn’t come cheap!