SUV Retribution

Lovely woman, her expensive automobile, nice restaurant, parking attendant.

Attendant chose to adamantly override companions desire to park her own car. Cash was offered to cover attendants belief in potential loss of tip. The fellow spewed that the rules did not allow this. Liability clauses may be in this lads favor.

The very next night a semi-mothballed rig was driven to the same establishment.

A three on the tree, high/low range, overdrive contraption. All on a rather ugly old four wheel drive transport.

Three totally independant neutrals.

Pulled up beneath the canopy, put three ‘boxes’ in neutral, gleefully turned the truck over to the same attendant, and stood back.

Bless the woman who tolerated my foolish attempts at retribution.

If any one of the ‘boxes’ were still in neutral, truck would not move.

The boy was baffled.

His testosterone climaxed.

Beet red became his color.

“Park this” was lost in the hormone puddle.
My companion is a very tolerant dame.

A good woman is a joy to find.

Q this. Then move on.


Hmmm… lemme guess, is this some kind of mix and match that went horribly awry?

I think it makes more sense if I read it upside down… 'course that could just be the head rush…

The topic might be at the edge of some experiences.

Apologies extended.

Those who have read a bit, and are familiar with 4-wheel drive vehichles, might see the novelty.

Regardless, the board has tolerated highly varying views on the rather mundane issue of hormone driven, oversized drivers of evil vehichles. [sub]the preceding words can be re-ordered to suit your personal proclivities[/sub]

G. Nome, I think I’ve found your dream date. His name is Bawdysurfer.

Vince the Intangible and thedoorsrule1045, allow me to try to translate.

Bawdysurfer and companion go to a nice restaurant. The companion wanted to park her own car, but the valet would not allow it. To “get back at” the valet for not letting the companion park her own car, Bawdysurfer and companion return to the restaurant the next night – this time in an old, manual transmission, four-wheel drive vehicle.

I have a 1946 Willys CJ2A. It has two neutrals and three levers to work the transmission and transfer case. For good measure, there’s a fourth lever just aft of the transmission levers that works the power take-off. To make the Jeep go (on the street, as opposed to off-road), the transfer case must be “out” (two-wheel drive), and in “high” range (not “low” or “neutral”) and the transmission must also not be in “neutral”. Since it is a three-speed, the shift pattern is H-shaped with “reverse” in the position most people would expect to find first gear. Bawdysurfer’s rig throws in the extra complication of having column-shift – “three on the tree”. This looks like the column shift lever of an automatic transmission car, but it’s really a three-speed manual transmission. The driver must A) know that it’s a manual transmission, and B) know the shift pattern.

In short, you have to know what you’re doing to drive an old 4WD vehicle.

So Bawdysurfer takes his old 4WD rig to the restaurant. He sits back and watches gleefully as valet-boy becomes frustrated and angered that he does not know how to make the vehicle move. Remember: He’s (most likely) being watched by several people, including Lovely Companion.

Lovely Companion tolerates Bawdysurfer’s little game, for which the latter appreciates her.

Coldfire, you devil!

Johny L.A., ol bean, I’ve avoided a wee bit - o - the - controversy till now, but dontcha jes love the pointless controversy.

Willys, truck, last of the marketed models. Modified. All respect to those who persue originality. I modified mine to get beyond the original 1700 RPM govenor setting so that freeway speeds became realistic, and baffling to those who did not understand.

Military tread at 65 MPH has such a unique and pleasant sound.

Freeways in the USA can get one to such interesting off-road beginings.

Eat dirt, then die! [sub]or not[/sub]

Johnny, how did you read that? Sideways?

Hey mannnnnnn…
Are you stoned, or am I?

I finally realized… I need to drink much more cough syrup than I used to in order to understand some of this shit :smiley: .
Hmmmm… NyQuil or Sudafed?

That Willys truck has the four-cylinder F-head engine, no? The F-head is based on the older L-head, which would turn at lease 4,000 rpm. I’m copying the 1946 CJ2A Owner’s Manual on The CJ2A Page (I still have a bit of typing to do), and this is part of it:

Could it be your truck had never had the restrictor removed from it?

I saw a yellow 1947 Willys truck on Sepulveda Blvd. yesterday.

Vince the Intangible: I drove a “three on the tree” once; and as I mentioned, I have a '46 Willys. So I could see how valet-boy would be confused.

The engine was a Hercules Hurricane 6 cylinder. A common stationary powerplant used for generation, water pumping, and similar, by farmers and the like. This was an ‘over square’, long stroke beast that suited later models to a tee.

The ‘488’(I think) ring and pinion ratio was changed to a more modern Ford (typical manufacturor?) 3something something gearing.

The over-drive brought the beast up to freeway speed.

Further discourse will require delving into some archives.

I must now Motherflockyou for the sake of the locale.

Cheers…Or not!

I’ve got a '78 F150 with 3 on the tree. I consider that my anti-theft device, because your average crack addict probably doesn’t know how to drive it.

Flat-top fenders.

Three bar grill.

Curved, one piece windscreen.

Electro-mechanical wipers.

Jeep/Willys were an especially hybrid breed as they aged.

Nonetheless, ultimately capable of squashing all pedestrian vehicles, even without oversized tires and structural lift kits.

Lack of a factory headliner allowed for the true interior resonance to override the squealings of lesser and truly inferior operators.

I used to have a 62 international scout with tires like that. I loved that sound. I could not get that thing stuck. It had the three shift levers, vacum operated wipers, and there was a build sheet in the glove box that said “prototype four wheel drive”. The parts guys loved me. Man I miss that vehicle.

Too late.

BTW, why am I being damned this time?

Coldfire: moderator/professional matchmaker. :smiley:

I don’t understand a thing that Mr. Surfer is saying, but it looks like poetry. :smiley:

I’ve played this game before too, and it sure is fun.
(Ok, I admit, I got a warped sense of fun.)
My F-150 has 2 floor shifters, one for the trans, and one for the transfer case.
All I did was leave the transfer case in neutral, it completely baffled the attendant.
About 10 minutes later the attendant tracked me down and advised me there was something wrong with my truck, so I went out and parked it for him, which I wanted to do in the first place.
After dinner I asked the attendant if he wanted to go get it for me, he declined.