You’re shy? Guin? Did I meet your twin sister in February?
I hadn’t been kissed until last year (I was 25). She asked me out (another first for me). She had spent the Saturday at my place (we went to see The Talented Mr. Ripley), she was ready to go, and we were standing in the driveway.
So she says, “Well, this is awkward part. Do we kiss, or hug, or shake hands, or what?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you mind if I kiss you?”
“Umm… No.”
felt like 5 minutes but was probably closer to 25 seconds
She looked pretty happy. I think I wore a half-smile/half-shocked expression. I managed to say “Goodbye” and make it back inside without falling down.
So don’t worry too much. Even us old dogs get thrown a treat every once in awhile.
Actually, I think something similar to that will happen to me - I just don’t know when. I have been so sex-minded and sex-deprived for so long that I don’t think I’d have any desire to save anything. I don’t know whether that’s good or not - I’m not one of those Jesus lovers who are saving themselves for marriage. No way. I would like to have sex before I graduate, but setting those kinds of limits won’t do any good. The Spark’s (www.thespark.com) Sex Test told me that I’ll lose my virginity when I’m 17, in a hotel room, so…
I think I will be direct and tell this guy that I like him. We’ll see what happens. I’ll keep you all posted, it you care. But, I’m going to London tomorrow, so I probably won’t have a chance to see him for a good nine days. I really do appreciate everyone’s advice and "me too"s.
Well, technically, I already sort of KNEW you, so it wasn’t as big a deal.
I’m more talking about approaching people…I have a horror of going up to people in class or something like that and striking up a conversation. And if you’ll notice, all I did was ramble on and on and on…I do that when I’m nervous.
I didn’t know that meant you were nervous, though. I go the opposite way… if I’m really nervous I usually say very little. Of course, even when I’m not nervous, I don’t say much; I usually try to say something relevant to the topic at hand–if the conversation interests me.
I think that nervousness is something you have to train yourself out of. I remember one time I was going to call this girl and my mind was just racing because I had such a huge crush on her. I would pick up the phone, dial one or two numbers, then hang up. YMMV, but I figured out I needed to focus. Rather than let random, anxious thoughts fill my head, I just repeated (or “yelled”) “Don’t think, just dial” in my head, over and over, with as much sheer will as I could muster. I think that strong repetitive thought let me hold back all the little nagging nervous thoughts that kept me from going through with it.
So I called her and got the answering machine. I didn’t want to leave a message, but I felt good that I got that far (an accomplishment in and of itself). It made it that much easier to try again the next day. And a third time when I finally left a message. She never called me back (to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe I mumbled unintelligibly), but hey, I tried and didn’t die! The next time I called a girl was easier. Not easy, mind you, but easier.
I admit I’m not much on starting up idle conversation, but I’ve never been a really chatty person. If I have something interesting to say, I say it with relatively little elaboration. Conversational skill is something I still need to work on, especially in a group setting (when I really clam up–I’m not one to interrupt, nor do I feel a need to draw attention to myself).
Though I suppose it’s debatable, I believe most (if not all) complex skills are learned rather than being inherited. Certain people are built with a better make-up to acquire social skills than others. Maybe someone who has difficulty learning to pick up members of the oppposite sex happens to have the ability to learn technical subjects quickly. Not always a happy trade-off, but nobody said life was fair.
Yeah, I can see how that might pose a difficulty:
Chum: “I truly would be an excellent girlfriend - he wouldn’t have to pay, he wouldn’t have to call me all the time, I wouldn’t expect gifts on Valentine’s Day or our anniversary, I would put out…”
Tracer, sadly, you are not far from the truth. I would not want to go out with an ugly guy. But, I do find guys considerably more attractive when they: are funny, have similar interests to mine, are odd, and/or show interest in me. There are guys that I know who have gone, in my mind, from “Yuck!” to “Hmmm…” in my mind just because I think I might have a chance with them. Then, when I understand the brutal reality of the situation, they go back to “Yuck!”
I know that if I REALLY wanted to, I could solve my never-been-kissed problem today. But I do want it to be special. I figure that since I’ve waited this long, I can wait a little longer. Hopefully not too much longer…
Thanks again for everyone’s advice. I’m off to London!
