green_bladder, Jesus Christ on a Harley, you and your stupid fucking puns, it’s about time you get pun-ted up your turdfucking ass. Wait, there you go again, you drooling moron. Speaking of drooling, does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Angel Heart, you have a history test in three hours, a paper due Monday and another due Tuesday. Why are you wasting your time here? Then again, why do you wait 'till the last minute to do any school work.
Why are you so lazy? If you’d worked more helping out Mom you’d be able to afford to give Christmas presents…Oh, and by the way…you’re room is a pigsty.
LucChiq, what the hell is your problem!! It took you one year and a half to lose 50lb and what do you do? You let yourself go and eat anything they put in front of your fucking face and gain fucking 6lb in 2 weeks. Yes, you say now you will get back on track but now it is going to take you longer to get to the goal you had promised yourself to reach. I swear sometimes I just want to smack you around for being so fucking dumb. DON’T DO IT AGAIN YOU IDIOT!!
And stop thinking about the box of donuts they have in the back room!!!
LaurAnge, stop being such a fucking whiner. “I have so much homework… I’m so stressed about my exams… wah wah wah…”
You know WHY you have so much stressful work? Yes you do! Because you have been fucking slacking all semester! Okay maybe not slacking per se, but definitely not putting in as much effort as you should have or could have.
And everyone says “Oh, you did work this semester!”. Bullshit. I see right through you.
Stop posting to joke threads, Duke, and stop casting aspersions on other people’s threads!
CrazyMonkey, there’s no nice way to put this, so I’m just going to come right out and say it. You just don’t have what it takes to thrill me in the bedroom anymore. My needs are not being fulfilled, and unless you learn some new techniques soon, I may just have to go out and find a girlfriend.
Today’s self-pitting: Thursday December 4th-
Godamnit Torie , It’s 2:40 p.m. Why haven’t you gone to the local community college to register yet? Oh, it doesn’t even fucking matter! If you did register, you would just fail anyway. You are an idiot. That’s why you never write good posts here, and that’s why you don’t deserve to go to school.
Why did you bitch when Mr. Torie said he was letting you borrow the Taurus instead of the Explorer? “I get carsick in Ford Sedans!” Jesus, Mary, and Joseph in a tiny canoe!!! How ungreatful and stupid are you??? THIS is precisley why he has about had it with you??? He lets you take his car, live in his apartment rent-free for a month, bring your dog into the place, and when you do pay rent, you are only PAYING 240 DOLLARS A MONTH!!! So why the fucking hell are you complaing about driving the piece of shit with no radio and nasuea inducing suspension for ONE DAY??? Get off it, he goes out of his way for you, let him drive his good car. When you get home from the college which you will flunk from, give him a giant hug and say “This has been a hard few months for me and through it all you have been a sholder to lean on. Thank you for letting me borrow the car, thank you for letting Java and I move in, thank you for going to Wal-Mart on the way home from work and buying cranberry juice and yogurt, thank you for remembering I like cherry and buying those flavors. I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend”
If you do that Torie, I will forgive you…
Now go register for college, you’ll do fine.
Sincerely,
You
Damn, these are strangley therapeutic, I’m doing one everyday 
kung, Go back to fucking school you dumb whore. Do you want to spend the rest of your life as a fucking “Sandwich Artist”? Do ya? Do ya? Huh? How the hell are you supposed to be responsible for that family you want, if you’re making minimum wage slapping bologna onto cheese-encrusted logs of yeasty goodness? For the love of Og, stop letting your crushing fear of failure paralyze you and just get it done.
Will you just wash the dishes already? Come on bitch, please. It’s not like the Roomies are jumping at it.
While I have your attention, let me direct it to the following failings on your part:
-
You need to get better with money. Christmas is coming. You’re getting a copy of The Wealthy Barber, and that’s all. I mean it.
-
Be nicer to people. Stop whining. Don’t talk so much about yourself.
-
Write your best friend a letter, you lazy assmunch.
In conclusion, stop wasting your life (and your money). Things can’t keep going on like this. Buttwipe.
Buy the damn plane ticket shoes, quit procrastinating, quit whining, BUY IT!
arghhhh, I hate change.
Oh yeah, and quit WHINING!!!
(off to buy the damn plane ticket. sigh).
Loneraven, you lazy cow. Stop saying you can’t be arsed to do your Biology and just do it. And stop telling your friends they’re fascists!
And please, please, for the love of all that is sweet, good and pure, stop flicking your hair! You nearly concussed someone today!
Super Gnat, why are you such an idiot. You say “oh, I don’t know anything about those particular reactions, so I won’t put it on my index card for the Orgo Chem exam. Instead, I’ll just write lots of stuff I do know and futilely hope that it won’t appear on the test.” Why would that make sense to you? Because you were tired? Well, maybe if you had done the homework when you were supposed to, you would have gotten enough sleep and not done stupid stuff. If I fail, it’s all your fault. Stupid.
And then after the exam you went right to the bookstore and read a book you had no intention of buying, leaving your poor group project members wondering where you were, since after all you had the computer that could run the program for them. What’s that, you say? You forgot? Well why didn’t you write it down, you big dummy, you know you forget stuff if you don’t write it down.
Jeez, what am I gonna do with you?
Bippy get the fucking dish washer emptied, and fill it with the stuff piling up in the sink. Aint it about time you did the washing again as well… no wonder you havn’t got a girl friend, if you let a girl see the state of your appartment she’d run away screaming…
sorry, I started turning into my Mum there,… carry on …
Hey it worked, I got the dish washer emptied, and filled it with the stuff piling up in the sink.
So much for calling this a joke thread, it’s a self help thread.
Mr Jim, you worthless piece of failure, why don’t you just accept what a fuck-up you are? Why do you feel the need to moon and cry over how much of a loser you are every goddamned day? Grow up, accept the fact that you are a crazy, unlovable freak of nature and move on. DO SOMETHING!! Stop hiding, everyone knows what you are anyway.
I need to be Pitted again.
avabeth, you fucking loser, just TELL your mother you’re not going to the baby shower! Why the fuck you let these people walk all over you is beyond me! Why in the world would you even WANT to go to this baby shower when she’s treated you like shit? It’s not even worth the money to get there. Just say no, you chicken-shitted candy-assed fucker.
And get your ass back to work! Maybe if you actually WORKED instead of playing on the internet all day, your desk wouldn’t look so messed up! WORK, damn you!
And hurry up and quit procrastinating and fill out your goddamn financial aid form already! If you want ANY money for next semester, you should really get your ass in gear!
Ava
Mr Jim you sound like me in the bad old days, might I humbly suggest you take the risk of seeing a doctor or psychiatrist for help, if you havn’t allready done so. I used to think it couldn’t help, then I when I learnt that maybe it could help, I was shit-scared of going. But when I did go see my doctor, and I got some help, the help was most useful in pulling myself somewhat out of the dark pit.
Note to All: any time you feel like refering to yourself in very negative terms (failure, unlovable, moronic, useless, …) it is a big sign saying ‘go get help from a psychiatrist’ as such self loathing tends to be self fulfilling without help.
Skammer, you’re such an arrogant jerk. And you’re not getting paid to browse the SDMB all day. Get back to work and stop wasting the company’s time.
And call your mother.
Now now, Bippy, if we suddenly all become well adjusted, this thread drops like a rock!
Mr Jim you sound like me in the bad old days, might I humbly suggest you take the risk of seeing a doctor or psychiatrist for help, if you havn’t allready done so. I used to think it couldn’t help, then I when I learnt that maybe it could help, I was shit-scared of going. But when I did go see my doctor, and I got some help, the help was most useful in pulling myself somewhat out of the dark pit.
Note to All: any time you feel like refering to yourself in very negative terms (failure, unlovable, moronic, useless, …) it is a big sign saying ‘go get help from a psychiatrist’ as such self loathing tends to be self fulfilling without help.
Bippy what’s with the bleeding double posting, I bet you’ll just blame the hamsters when you know damn well you could have moved the failes edit data to a editor, then refreshed the page to see if the first try had got through propperly.