She’s a squeezin’ your time dry like a lemon to fill her lemonade, and there is Zero chance of her ever tossing you a penny your way.
Don’t be bitter, now. She might pucker-up and “pretend kiss” you saying, “Oh, why won’t you be Sweet to Me…?” :rolleyes:
I wouldn’t completely write her off, unless the only reason you spent any time hanging out with her and getting to know her was solely to get her pants off and get her into your bed.
She just broke up with someone, maybe she’s feeling a little gun shy about leaping straight away into something hot and heavy. Perhaps she feels it’s a little unseemly to jump so quickly from the bed of one man to another. I wouldn’t necessarily assume she’s playing you - perhaps she too feels a strong attraction, got carried away a bit, but now wants to slow things down a bit.
Why not continue to get to know her? Do you have so many friends that one more will just be too many? Do you actually like her as a person, or were you just seeing her as a potential fuck mate?
Also, if she just broke up with somebody, you don’t want to be the rebound guy. That guy never gets to stick around.
(Of course there will be a poster below me that will say they were the rebound guy and 20 years later they’re still married… or whatever)
I know this is crazy, but maybe she thought you would be an interesting person to get to know better.
Pretty funny that you’re the one scheming for the poon, accusing her of playing you. You’re obviously not interested in her at all unless she wants to bone you, ergo, you’re the player.
You guys should really look into my post history. Yes, as a young man I’m obviously interested in sex - and I’ve certainly talked about it at length on the SDMB - but it isn’t driving my efforts here. I really was enjoying getting to know her, and God knows I appreciate having somebody to talk to at my (relatively) socially dull school. The thing is, I’m not interested in the friendzone game - because I’ve played it too many times already - and I’d found all of her signals until yesterday to have been pointing pretty explicitly in the other direction.
So I mean, hence the topic: Either (a) I’m really, truly God-awful at reading the “we’re just friends” signals, (b), she’s been leading me on, or (c) she’s being sincere. The degree to which this is personally confounding to me is what’s driving much of my cynicism here.
Maybe this’ll help out: in a subsequent text after turning me down, she said that she “hopes I understand” but that a relationship isn’t “a priority right now.”
Eh, calling me a player is really, really disingenuous.
What is so perplexing here? I’m not seeing it, to be honest.
She just got out of a relationship, and likely misses having someone to confide in and share her thoughts and day to day concerns. So she’s spilling some of that around because she lacks the ‘other’ she used to share all this with. It seems somewhat self evident.
And she was completely open and honest with you. She just got out of a commited relationship and isn’t looking for another right now. It cannot be baffling that people sometimes need a little time to get back into dating, surely.
Your concern about being played or friend zoned makes you seem much less mature than her, in my eyes.
If you’d developed a crush on her while she had a boyfriend, you’d write it off as bad timing, instead of jumping into being a victim. And this is no different, bad timing, nothing more and nothing less.
You should walk away here I think. You don’t strike me as wanting to wait and see. No one is asking you to wait for her. You should continue to look for and date others, in my opinion.
“Friendzone” is an ugly term. Don’t use it.
Take her at her word, which is that right now, she’s not interested in you romantically. She’s not played you. She’s enjoyed talking with you.
Consider also the possibility that’s she lacks a long-term battle-plan. Maybe she’s not mapped out exactly where she wants the relationship with you to go, whether it’s friendship or romance. Maybe at certain points she’s wondered if attraction would develop between y’all. Maybe she knew you were interested and was partly exploring the idea by talking with you. Maybe when you asked her out, it crystallized her feelings in some way.
The idea that a woman who talks with you a lot is playing you if she doesn’t want to have sex with you is not an attractive idea.
Looking at every interaction with a woman as some kind of manipulative game on her part has to be exhausting. People are complicated. They send mixed signals, often without intending to. Seems to me, she’s being pretty clear in this case, though - she likes you, but doesn’t want to pursue an intimate relationship right now. The ball is in your court. If you’re not interested in being friends with her on a level that doesn’t involve being her boyfriend with all the baggage that entails, then tell her that and move on.
Because women really dig guys who only seem interested in them as long as there is a chance they’ll get laid, but are honest enough to own up to it when that is off the table. :rolleyes:
The answer is strongly and affirmatively “A”. To be frank I get the feeling that this has already been explained to you many, many times but … well.
:eek: You dodged a bullet here - she texts while driving! Stay away, stay far away (especially if you’re a pedestrian while she’s on the road)! 
I just totally do not comprehend the OP. You don’t want to be friends with this person, but you want to be more than friends? She is not compatible/interesting/fun enough to be friends with, but you want to pursue something deeper?
That makes no sense to me whatsoever. If you are looking for casual sex, then don’t do it by developing friendships with people, it hurts them when they find out what your motives really are. And likewise, if you are looking for real love, well that starts and ends with friendship. Attempting to maintain a long term relationship based upon anything else is a complete nightmare.
Can’t believe I’m quoting Ann Landers, but here I go: “Love is friendship caught on fire.”
If you’re not already close friends, you don’t send texts to people at night asking them about their day, or arrange meetings with them early before class/work if you just want to “know them better”, if only because you don’t want to give them the wrong idea. Unless you’re completely clueless and inept about social interactions.
She was either flirting and milking him for attention, of was potentially interested in him and eventually decided against it. It’s remotely possible she’s in fact still potentially interested but indeed can’t conceive of entering in a new relationship right now.
Also, many of you are responding as if the OP was guilty of something for being interested in a girl who turns out not to be into him. It has become absurdly common to attack men simply because they’ve been turned down by a woman, hinting at their presumed complete lack of worth, or at them belonging to the creepy “nice guy” ™ tribe, or at their imagined bad attitude wrt women. I hardly ever see a “romantic advice” thread started by a man here who doesn’t include this kind of veiled (or open) accusations.
He’s attracted to a woman, he wants to get into her pants, she sends positive signals, and finally she isn’t interested. So what?
That doesn’t work for everyone. I found it very unpleasant to “just be friends” with people that I very much wanted a romantic relationship with, to the point that I’d rather have no relationship whatsoever with them then a “just friends” relationship. There was nothing wrong with them not reciprocating romantic feelings, but there’s also nothing wrong with not wanting to be friends with them. It’s not selfish, and not shallow – it’s just different preferences and predilections. It’s certainly possible that I missed out on some possible good relationships that may have developed out of friendships I rejected, but I also definitely missed out on a lot of very unpleasant and lonely feelings.
I’m very good friends (best friends!) with my wife, but we were both interested in a romantic relationship from the very beginning.
Wait, surely you’re not suggesting that a 20-something college kid might have trouble sending clear signals, are you? Because stop the presses.
All of these are possible. Or maybe she’s not great at figuring out what signals she’s sending yet, just like certain other 20-something college kids might not be great at figuring out what signals other people are sending yet.
End there, and it’s fine. But talking about “friendzone,” and especially talking about how she’s playing him, is what makes it a little bit creepy. There’s no need to think anyone here is being less than honest.
Ladder theory is complete bullshit.
To answer the OP: Why not just, you know, take her at her word? There’s nothing in what you’ve stated she said that would rule out a relationship in the future. So be her friend if you want something beyond just jumping her bones, and eventually she may come around (or it will be obvious that she won’t).
No more so than calling her a player for having the temerity to enjoy your company without subsequently climbing on your cock.
It’s extremely cynical, but as a rough guide to how the specific population of attractive, datable women with options view the population of men interested in them it’s not entirely wrong.
I agree with pretty much everyone else here, that she was probably being sincere, and you should take her at her word. Either continue being friends with her and enjoying your time as friends at your dull school, or thank her for her honesty and say you were interested in a romantic relationship but not a platonic relationship. And with either choice, continue pursuing romantic relationships with other women.
Also, what would be the harm at taking her at her word? On the small chance that she is playing some game, I don’t see what she’d get out of it if you took her at her word and were her friend didn’t pursue any romantic relationship with her.
This is a good point. At some point I decided I was bad at reading subtle/mixed signals, and I was causing myself a lot of grief by trying to second guess a lot of stuff, so I’d stop doing it. I take people at their word unless I have a very good reason not to. Makes my life a lot simpler (as long as I remember to do it).