Take the Colbert Questionnert!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Stephen Colbert does a thing with some guests where he asks them fifteen questions meant to truly reveal their personality. You, too, should take the Colbert Questionnert. Here are the questions:

  1. What is the best sandwich?
  2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?
  3. What is the scariest animal?
  4. Apples or oranges?
  5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
  6. What do you think happens when we die?
  7. What is your favorite action movie?
  8. What is your favorite smell?
  9. What is your least favorite smell?
  10. Is exercise worth it?
  11. Flat or sparkling?
  12. Most used app on your phone?
  13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
  14. What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.)
  15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.
2
  1. What is the best sandwich? Fried peanut butter and jelly
  2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? My college astronomy textbook
  3. What is the scariest animal? Hippo
  4. Apples or oranges? Oranges
  5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Pete Seeger. A friend who is now my step-brother got me Leonard Nimoy’s for my birthday.
  6. What do you think happens when we die? We return to our constituent elements
  7. What is your favorite action movie? Do I have one? Diva? Repo Man?
  8. What is your favorite smell? Almond extract
  9. What is your least favorite smell? Cat box
  10. Is exercise worth it? So very
  11. Flat or sparkling? Sparkling
  12. Most used app on your phone? Kindle or Merlin
  13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? Anything but My Sharona
  14. What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.) 15
  15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. We will visit 100 countries
3
  1. What is the best sandwich? Grilled cheese with bacon, on good crusty bread.
  2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? The desktop computer that I haven’t used since 2008.
  3. What is the scariest animal? Man.
  4. Apples or oranges? Oranges.
  5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Dozens of times, mostly from Green Bay Packers.
  6. What do you think happens when we die? If the Creator has a sense of humor, we hear Porky Pig saying, “Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!”
  7. What is your favorite action movie? The Empire Strikes Back.
  8. What is your favorite smell? Garlic bread.
  9. What is your least favorite smell? The sulfurous smell that comes from a paper mill.
  10. Is exercise worth it? Yes, though clearly not enough to overcome my innate laziness.
  11. Flat or sparkling? Flat.
  12. Most used app on your phone? Mail.
  13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? “I’m Not in Love,” by 10cc.
  14. What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.) The square root of two.
  15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. Becoming one with the Force.
4
  1. What is the best sandwich?

I had a really spectacular reuben today, so it’s a close call, but I have to go with a grilled cheese sandwich, a little ketchup for dipping, served with a frosty glass of milk.

  1. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?

I have a pair of running shoes I don’t need, and yet there they are.

  1. What is the scariest animal?

Giant centipedes.

  1. Apples or oranges?

Apples. I like orange JUICE but oranges don’t impress me.

  1. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?

Many Blue Jays players.

  1. What do you think happens when we die?

I think that to me the universe ends, and to my loved ones it’ll be sad.

  1. What is your favorite action movie?

“Die Hard”

  1. What is your favorite smell?

A certain perfume.

  1. What is your least favorite smell?

My dog has been twice sprayed by a skunk. The smell was beyond description. The smell you get from a distance that you often smell on summer nights from a faraway skunk? That is NOTHING like what it is up close.

  1. Is exercise worth it?

I guess.

  1. Flat or sparkling?

Flat.

  1. Most used app on your phone?

The music player.

  1. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?

“When The Levee Breaks”

  1. What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.)

It’s no fun if I say.

  1. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.

Hopefully with those I love.

5
  1. What is the best sandwich? Thin sliced rare roast beef with mustard
  2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? Swing saw (pendulum saw)
  3. What is the scariest animal? Lion
  4. Apples or oranges? Apples
  5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Yes
  6. What do you think happens when we die? Nothing
  7. What is your favorite action movie? Die Hard
  8. What is your favorite smell? Bread baking
  9. What is your least favorite smell? Shit
  10. Is exercise worth it? No
  11. Flat or sparkling? Flat
  12. Most used app on your phone? So
  13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? A Horse with No Name
  14. What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.) 7
  15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. Slow and painful so there
6
  1. Best Sandwich? Toasted ham and cheese.
  2. What is the one thing I own that I really should throw out? My lucky condom.
  3. What is the scariest animal? A rabid Pekinese.
  4. Apples or oranges? Oranges.
  5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Barry Hansen (Dr. Demento).
  6. What do you think happens when we die? We live on in the memories of others…until they die, then that’s it.
  7. What is your favorite action movie? Ladyhawke.
  8. What is your favorite smell? Hot cocoa with a hint of mint.
  9. What is your least favorite smell? Sour milk.
  10. Is exercise worth it? Definitely.
  11. Flat or sparkling? Sparkling.
  12. Most used app on my phone? Messaging.
  13. The one song I would listen to for the rest of my life? Rush “Tom Sawyer”.
  14. What number am Rickjay thinking of? 8.
  15. Describe the rest of my life in five words. I want to live forever.
7

1. What is the best sandwich?
Fried chicken and spicy, creamy slaw on a quality french roll.

2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?
Multiple pairs of old, fairly worn shoes sitting in boxes my closet. I have no idea why I still have the damn things, other than they are technically wearable/comfortable and it seems like I might get more use out of them someday, somehow. But I need to dump them.

3. What is the scariest animal?
Bears (the Ursus arctos/maritimus twins - polar and brown, closely related enough to each other for me to count them as one critter), barely edging out chimpanzees. Bears will fuck you up. Many animals I think I might have a tiny unarmed chance with, however minimal. But I’m pretty sure I’m not dissuading an angry, hungry polar bear no matter what. It’s going to eat me.

4. Apples or oranges?
Apples. If it was all citrus, I’d go there. But head to head, I guess I’d take apples. For one thing it is easier to consistently pick out a good one. Oranges can fool you.

5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
No. Never have, never will. Just doesn’t appeal to me.

6. What do you think happens when we die?
We decompose. There is no afterlife.

7. What is your favorite action movie?
Today? Maybe The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

8. What is your favorite smell?
Maybe cinnamon.

9. What is your least favorite smell?
E. coli culture. Just vile.

10. Is exercise worth it?
Absolutely. Doesn’t mean I keep up with it. But if I did it would absolutely be worth it.

11. Flat or sparkling?
Flat.

12. Most used app on your phone?
Web browser by a country mile.

13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
I don’t know. It would have to be something long. Maybe some long, meandering, self-indulgent live version of an already long song. I have yet to sit through the entire 34.5 minute version of Smashing Pumpkin’s Silverfuck from the 1996 Landover concert. Maybe with an entire lifetime I might suceed :slight_smile:.

14. What number am I thinking of?
Twelve. At least it wasn’t fourteen.

15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.
Retiring soon. Hopefully graceful decline.

8

Reuben

Expired food in my freezer

Shark

Oranges

No

You cease to exist

Kung Fu Hustle

Lemon

Vomit

Yes

Sparkling

Chwazi

A Day in the Life

Four

I’ll be present during it

9
  • What is the best sandwich? sausage and tomato ketchup
  • What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? old pair of slippers
  • What is the scariest animal? jellyfish (you can’t see them coming)
  • Apples or oranges? apples
  • Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? yes (Gary Kasparov + Derren Brown)
  • What do you think happens when we die? nothing
  • What is your favorite action movie? the great escape (just in front of Terminator)
  • What is your favorite smell? roast meat
  • What is your least favorite smell? faeces
  • Is exercise worth it? certainly (doesn’t mean I do enough!)
  • Flat or sparkling? sparkling (water or champagne)
  • Most used app on your phone? don’t have a phone :open_mouth:
  • You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? bridge over troubled water
  • What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.) 42
  • Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. retired, solvent, travel, reading, games
    [/quote]
10

These were interesting questions - does anything happen now? (like analysis)

11

In its native form, on the the 5-night-a-week Late Show, Colbert will preface the Questions by saying that the show’s normal format makes it hard to know his guest as well as he would like. He asks if they’re willing to take the Colbert Questionnaire (“After which, you will be Known”).

After the guest answers the questions, Colbert congratulates them and intones, “You are Known”. Then there’s a commercial break. No follow-up or analysis. Most of the segments are broadcast several days after the guest’s actual appearance on the show.

Here’s an example, featuring Daniel Craig.
——-
But I imagine that in this thread, analysis and discussion would be welcomed.

12

I honestly thought I’d have trouble answering most of these. But ultimately it was only two that I couldn’t really answer.

What is the best sandwich?

Tuna salad, when made correctly.

What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?

The croc-a-likes I wear as houseshoes. I literally wore a hole in the sole!

What is the scariest animal?

It’s cliche, but humans. I tried to come up with a non-human animal, but I couldn’t really rank them.

Apples or oranges?

Apples, if they’re the right kind.

Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?

No. Not because I wouldn’t want to, but because I’ve never met someone famous enough. Though I don’t really see the point of paying for one.

What do you think happens when we die?

I hope for at least a heaven. I used to say I didn’t hope for a hell, but then we had the pandemic, and I saw such horrible people. Still, I hope it has less to do with specific theology and more to do with justice.

What is your favorite action movie?

None come to mind. I’m not too into action movies these days, so it would have to be a movie I watched long ago.

What is your favorite smell?

A certain smell my maternal grandfathers house had. It’s kinda woodsy, and everything stored in that house smelled like that, from clothing to books. I’ve not been able to figure out what it is.

What is your least favorite smell?

a certain type of body odor. Or possibly the smell of dead things.

Is exercise worth it?

Yes, but not in order to lose weight, and not the super strenuous stuff.

Flat or sparkling?

Always flat water, but I do like a light bubble in sugary drinks.

Most used app on your phone?

It’s between Firefox and YouTube

You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?

I feel like songs the way I feel about movies. I don’t tend to want to listen to them again for quite a while.

But if I have to pick a favorite, I guess I’ll go nostalgic and pick “Jesus Freak” by DC Talk. I liked the sound a lot as a kid.

What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.)

The first number that came to mind was 6. But it’s clearly wrong.

Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.

finding enjoyment even in hardship

13
  • What is the best sandwich? Reuben
  • What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? the ratty old tshirts in the back of my closet
  • What is the scariest animal? Guinea worm
  • Apples or oranges? apples
  • Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Yes but not since I was a kid
  • What do you think happens when we die? Your life ends and people are sad and your body rots
  • What is your favorite action movie? Project A Part 2
  • What is your favorite smell? Baking bread
  • What is your least favorite smell? Hot urine
  • Is exercise worth it? Yes but try telling my body that
  • Flat or sparkling? Sparkling
  • Most used app on your phone? Slack
  • You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? the overture on the Conan soundtrack
  • What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.) π
  • Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. help my kids become adults
14

I have concluded that you are a person of excellent character, high intelligence, and remarkable savoir-faire.

15

  • What is the best sandwich? Grilled cheese or cold rotisserie chicken on a soft bun with lots of salt.

  • What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? All the stuff in my basement that I don’t use.

  • What is the scariest animal? Man or shark

  • Apples or oranges? Apples of a good variety

  • Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? No

  • What do you think happens when we die? We are reunited with our loved ones that have died and we live an amazing new life with no pain, sorrow, or worry.

  • What is your favorite action movie? I’m not into action movies but I’ll say Deadpool because it made me laugh.

  • What is your favorite smell? Fresh basil and freshly cut grass are tied.

  • What is your least favorite smell? Cat pee

  • Is exercise worth it? Yes

  • Flat or sparkling? If it’s water - flat. If it’s pop - sparkling.

  • Most used app on your phone? Overdrive (audible books)

  • You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? This is a tough one. Another Park, Another Sunday by the Doobies would be one. I have a lot of favorites.

  • What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.) 12

  • Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. My hope: Relaxing, worry-free, love, adventure, nature. I’m guessing that will be a hard get. I’ll settle for just a couple of those.
    [/quote]

16

Well thank you. :grinning:
Let me see:

  • excellent character because … I like ‘The Great Escape’? :sunglasses:
  • high intelligence because … I got Gary Kasparov’s autograph? :nerd_face:
  • remarkable savoir-faire because … I like sausage sandwiches? :flushed:
17
  1. What is the best sandwich? Corned beef on sourdough with mayo and stone ground mustard.
  2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? My box of pot paraphernalia.
  3. What is the scariest animal? Bison. Saw one gore a guy that wanted a selfie with one. They are mean bastards.
  4. Apples or oranges? Apples. Can’t eat citrus fruits.
  5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Asked Rico Petrocelli of the Boston Red Sox to sign my Rico Petrocelli signature model baseball glove. He gave me a signed baseball too.
  6. What do you think happens when we die? We turn to compost.
  7. What is your favorite action movie? Lethal Weapon.
  8. What is your favorite smell? My front yard when all of my wife’s lilies are in bloom.
  9. What is your least favorite smell? The contents of rendering trucks. Got stuck in traffic behind one that spilled it’s load.
  10. Is exercise worth it? Yes, wish it wasn’t so much work.
  11. Flat or sparkling? Flat.
  12. Most used app on your phone? My credit union.
  13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? A tie between Immigrant Song and Radar Love. There are songs I like better but I still crank up these songs even though I have heard them probably thousands of times.
  14. What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.) 77.
  15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
18 
I guess I was too verbose?
19

What is the best sandwich?
A Rueben from the Shnelli Deli in Detroit, circa early-to late 80s

What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?
Borderline hoarder here, so I don’t know where to even start

What is the scariest animal?
Humans, easily.

Apples or oranges?
Tomatoes.

Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
Yes, at a Red Wings game where they had a ceremony retiring Terry Sawchuk’s jersey, I had an opportunity to meet the only other 3 Red Wings at the time who had their jerseys retired (Gordie Howe, Ted Lindsay and Al Delvecchio) and got all of their autographs on a Terry Sawchuk poster. Then I stupidly gave the poster to someone who was a bigger Red Wings fan than me.

What do you think happens when we die?
We return to the same state we were in before we were born.

What is your favorite action movie?
One they have yet to make: 'Takedown: the story of the FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago and the subsequent downfall of the trump empire"

What is your favorite smell?
Ribs / pork shoulder/ brisket on the BBQ

What is your least favorite smell?
I once opened a container of bait worms thinking they had just recently been left on a bench by a lake, not sitting baking in the hot sun for hours. Unfortunately it turned out to be the latter.

Is exercise worth it?
Yes! Not that that fact gets me to do it often enough.

Flat or sparkling?
Kroger brand Mandarin Orange or Lemon-Lime sparkly- cheaper than the other name brands and very tasty.

Most used app on your phone?
Podcast app

You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
Hmmm…maybe the Beatles’ ‘A Day in the Life’ or Queens’ ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ because each is like 3 or 4 songs in one?

What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.)
39,472,312

Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.
Enjoy few remaining highlights left.

20

Best sandwich - A Reuben.
What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? My cassette tapes
Scariest animal - a spider
Apples or oranges - Apples
Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Yes. When I was a wee child at church, a Christian rock group came to perform on Sunday. I thought the guitar player was hot, so after the service I asked him for an autograph. He was thrilled, and so were all his yucky bandmates. I got to go on the bus with them and they gave me a free copy of their record, signed by all of them. Of course I never listened to it. It’s probably still kicking around Grandma’s house somewhere.
What do you think happens when we die? We cease to exist and our flesh decays.
What is your favorite action movie? Terminator 2
What is your favorite smell? N/A. I don’t have a sense of smell. I have never smelled a rose. :pleading_face:
What is your least favorite smell? I still don’t have a sense of smell, but the air chokes me when I get near that one lady at work.
Is exercise worth it? Probably.
Flat or sparkling? Flat.
Most used app on your phone? The camera. That’s an app, right?
You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? 4′33″ by John Cage
What number am I thinking of? (In this case, me, RickJay, at the moment I’m typing this.) One?
Describe the rest of your life in 5 words. It’s all downhill from here.