Friday night. 11 P.M. and El Hubbo will not come to bed with me. He’s not tired. Princess Fuzzybutt’s eyes and mine are at half-mast, so I take her out to pee-pot and tee-tom one last time, then we go upstairs together.
“Up,” I say.
Her highness jumps onto the bed, does her nesting dance, turns around three times and promptly drops off to DoggieDreamland.
I am asleep almost as quickly.
At 1 A.M. a friend runs into our bedroom and hides under the bed. He whispers, “Don’t tell him I’m in here! I want to surprise him!”
El Hubbo walks in a split second later. I stop him.
“Stand there for one second.”
El Hubbo looks confused.
“Okay, you can come out now.”
“Honey, who are you talking to?”
“There’s someone under the bed.”
“No there isn’t.”
“Yes there is, come look!”
El Hubbo thinks it over and decides to humor me. He walks around to my side of the bed, bends over and lifts the dust ruffle.
“There’s no one here. You’re asleep.”
“What? I swear that someone came in here!”
“You’re asleep, honey.”
“Okay. Sorry.”
At 3 A.M. I wake up screaming because the same guy just jumped on our bed.
“What!?! Jesusgawd you scared the crap outta me!”
Princess Fuzzybutt is also on full alert, hackles raised and growling.
“Someone jumped on us!”
“You’re asleep again!”
“I am?”
“Yes. Lie down and go back to sleep.”
“Okay. Sorry.”
At 5 A.M. I’m having a conversation with El Hubbo but he just doesn’t get it. We need to open the window to let the spiders get out. He just doesn’t get it.
“I’m going to the guest room.”
“Why?”
“Because you keep talking to me in your sleep and I’m trying to sleep.”
“Okay. Sorry.”
“Goodnight honey, I love you.”
“Okay babe. Just make sure the spiders get out of here first.”