Vampire Penguins and other sleep-talking joys

[CalMeacham]

I apologize if someone’s already posted about this, but I don’t see anything.

Saw this on NBC News last night. Evidently there’s a guy in England whose sleep talking is not only extremely intelligible but also highly, entertaining weird:

“Badger tickling: proceed with caution”

“Vampire penguins? Zombie guinea pigs? We’re done for… done for.”

“I don’t want to die! I love sex. And furry animals.”

“Well that’s just great. Peanut butter in my crack. Goddamnit.”

or

“My bagder’s gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!”

“No, not the cats. Don’t trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much.”

“Just look at yourself. Yeah, now look at me. You don’t stand a chance. It must suck to be you, I’m sure.”

or

“If I wanted to see a long nose and a big ass, I’d look at a horse.”

“Butt cheeks ahoy! There she blows!”

“You can’t be a pirate if you haven’t got a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules.”

“We haven’t got a plank. Just fucking jump.”

“Yes I’m sad, but if you stood further away, I’d be happier. No, further away. Well, let’s face it, just fucking CUNT OFF! Thank you, I appreciate it.”

“Don’t jump on me!”
Karen’s note: I dedicate the apparent pirate theme of last night’s ramblings to our good friend Nikesh Shukla-- songwriter, author, and pirate enthusiast.

Sleep Talkin' Man

I really hope that this is for real. Now that it’s out there, the temptation to make up stuff (if it isn’t already) will be tremendous.

They’re already selling T-shirts with some of the better bits emblazoned on them.

[Khadaji]

When I was in college I woke up and my roommate was saying: *And then I took my knife and cut all around the top of her scalp and then I dropped it into her lap. *

Then he laughed oddly. He claims he was sleeping and didn’t remember the babbling.

To the best of my knowledge he wasn’t really a serial killer…

[Arglefraster]

My ex-husband would have really surreal conversations with me when he was asleep. I think my favorite one was when he said we needed to go get “the disco game”. He was really emphatic about it. “We have to go! We need the disco game now! NOW!” He kept getting more and more irritated that I wasn’t taking him seriously.

Another time he sat bolt upright in bed and screamed “The guns! Get the big guns!” then laid back down and fell right back to sleep. Meanwhile I’m now sitting up in bed with my heart pounding while I try to figure out WTF just happened.

[picunurse]

My husband tells me i say strange stuff in my sleep. I never remember any dreams that correlate to what he claims I say. I have trouble believing him, but why would he wake me up to tell me?

[coffeecat]

I do that. My high point was the time I debated the constitutionality of drunk-driving road blocks in my sleep. Coffeespouse said she stayed up listening to me, fascinated. I convinced her.

[Swallowed_My_Cellphone]

Yes, that would be my Starship Enterprise butter extruder.

And it has been reported that one night I was very annoyed in dreamland and kept making that sulky-teenaged-girl sound. You know the one, it goes:

Tsk! ::sigh:: :rolleyes:

[hellpaso]

My husband once said “we’re harvesting horrible animals” and “the character is on the loach”. I saw that on the news last night as well–I saw it on ABC, though. So it was on two network news shows the same night!