Let’s see how low I can drag this thread…
Did you hear about the guy who eat his girlfriend and then dumped her? He was a cannibal.
Shouldn’t that be vampire lesbians?
Shouldn’t that be a literal-minded brunch?
No. No, it shouldn’t. 
That was the original, yes.
(I heard this as an ethnic joke. I will repeat it here, substituting the generic designator, "Group X’. You may replace “Group X” with the group designator of your choice).
A cannibal goes into a restaurant and looks at a menu. It has prices next to various nationalities: $10 for an American; $12 for an Englishman; $11 for a Frenchman, etc.
The cannibal does a double-take, though, when he sees the price of a Group-Xer: $100
He calls the waiter over and asks why a Group-Xer is so much more expensive than the others.
“Hey, it’s cheap at that price”, replies the waiter. “You ever try to clean one of them things?”
These are pretty funny. But why oh why did I open this thread while eating dinner at the computer? :smack:
I can’t believe no one has posted the old chestnut about cannibals not eating Chinese people, because they just feel hungry again an hour later.
(I know, ethnic humour is in bad taste, but hey so are cannibal jokes, right?)
Got a big kick out of seeing this thread here. I’ve been collecting cannibal stories off the ‘net for a little over a year now. Can’t freakin’ believe how often this actually occurs in modern society. My favourite (if that’s the right word) is the dude in Germany who advertised on the net for someone willing to be killed and eaten. Apparently, he actually turned some ‘applicants’ away before finding someone who suited his… uh… taste.
thwartme
Why does Jeffrey Dahmer keep a blender on his porch?
To greet visitors with a handshake.
Someone on these boards knew the victim.
What do cannibals call midgets?
Snacks.
The chief Big chief looked out of the window of his hut, and saw his sons having a game of Cricket with the missionaries’ sons. “Boys,” he called “I’ve told you before. Don’t play with your food”
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"They’re eating my left and right ventricles " sobbed Tom half-heartedly.
“Now they’re eating my hair” Tom bawled. “and it was styled by the Beatles’ hairdresser” he added in Urdu.
“Now they’re eating my eyes” Tom added without humour.
“Now the’re eating my hands” he said disarmingly.
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The cannibal king sent away for a golden chair where he could sit on important tribal occasions. In between ceremonies the golden chair was stored in the attic of the King’s grass hut. One day the ceiling collapsed and the chair fell through. It fell on the king, killing him instantly. Which goes to prove the old saying :
“people who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.”
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“What would you like for lunch?”
“Oh, I have Catholic tastes”
After Mike Tyson bit off part of Evander Holyfield’s ear, people started telling the same joke about Tyson.
Hey! That’s not a cannibal joke! It’s just a plain old (and I do mean old!) joke in disguise! One more outburst like that, and I’ll have the bailiff remove you from this thread!
This one’s really racist, so I’ll put it in the spoiler box. Apologies in advance. You have been warned.
Two cannibals see each other for the first time in years. The first cannibal asks the second “Hey, you’re looking kind of skinny. You been getting enough to eat?”
The second cannibal says “Yeah, I eat a nigger every day.”
First cannibal says “How do you kill it?”
Second cannibal says “I sneak up behind him and smack the shit out of him with my big stick.”
First cannibal says “Well there ya go. When you smack the shit out of a nigger, all you got left is lips and tennis shoes.”
Jeffrey Dahmer’s parents came to visit. At dinner, his mother said, “I’m afraid I really don’t like your neighbors.”
“That’s OK, Mom, just eat your vegetables.”
At Dahmer’s trial, the judge said the bail would cost him an arm and a leg. So he went to the refrigerator and got them.
In The Road to Zanzibar with Hope & Crosby, they’ve come upon a remote African village. As they wonder through the crowd, a young boy comes up and starts playing with Bob’s pant leg. He is charmed, until the mother comes out from the crowd and reprimands the boy for playing with his dinner.
They say we are what we eat.
So in the next life, Americans will be chickens, Europeans will be pigs and human life will (once again) begin in Africa.
Did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late for the potluck?
They gave him the cold shoulder.