Or in the case of my niece who is still having out-of-control tantrums at 10, my brother-in-law was not willing to admit that she was anything but a normal kid and her behaviour was completely normal. No. No, it’s not. It should have been corrected at two, but since you didn’t bother then, you can still enjoy her temper tantrums and chaotic environment she creates at 10. I can only imagine what her teen years will bring.
My Mum used to say to me, and I say to my kids ad nauseum - “Look with your eyes, not with your fingers”. That saves an awful lot of trauma.
Apart from my older kid still often cannot resist himself, and HAS to have a little poke or a pull at things. Luckily so far I’ve always been able to intercept him before he did any damage.
When he was about two, he’d see something shiny, and say “Mummy, look over there!” Uh, no bud, don’t think so!!
You are so right. I remember acting out once in a store because I wanted something and was told no. My usually quiet Dad lifted me up off the floor and threw me over one shoulder and carried me outside. I didn’t even get an ass whupping which I deserved, but I sure never did it again.
About a month ago I saw a father get manipulated and intimidated by a 6 or 7 year old who flatly refused to put something back after he was told “No you can’t have it”
He tried talking to the kid. He tried distracting him by changeing the subject. When he tried to take it away the kid would hide behind a display. He spent 15 minutes trying to get the kid to give it up and finally caved and bought the dam thing. I wanted to say “You just guaranteed he’ll do that again.”
The kid got what he wanted with his behaviour - how could he have not learned from it? That sounds pretty close to what went on with my niece.
When I was in high school, I was bestest friends with one of the “bad girls” at my school (drugs, drinking, ditching classes, etc.). One day when we were planning a trip to the mall, she asked her mom for money and was told no. “But MOOoom! I need it! It’s really important - please, please, please. It’s not fair! WhyNot’s mom gave her money! Come on, please?” etc. Her mother finally handed her $20. On our way out the door, my friend’s three year old little brother asked for a cookie, and mother said no. “But MOOooommy! I need it! It’s really important! Please, please please please please” etc.
:rolleyes:
That was my first object lesson in parenting. A How-Not-To lesson, indeed!
Gotta love the SDMB - daily reinforcements of why it’s ok for me not to be having sex that often.
I thought having a rambunctious DOG was hard. yeesh.
I’m still amused by a situation which happened at a local fast food joint many years ago. There was a long line and I was nearly out of time for lunch, so I took one look and decided I’d eat later. As I left, a woman was taking her 6 year old daughter out of the store. The 6 year old was having a full temper tantrum, one worthy of a two year old at his or her best (or worst) and letting out pitiful cries of, “I wanna eat, Mommy! I wanna eat!” As we walked to our cars, I shot sympathetic looks at the mother, thinking, “You’re doing the right thing, if a little too late.” What amused me is, once they were out of the restaurant and away from witnesses, the little girl changed her tune to, “I wanna go to the mall, Mommy! I wanna go to the mall!” :rolleyes: Nice change of tune! Being deprived of going to the mall sounds far less pathetic than being deprived of food. As for the girl’s mother, hopefully, she’s learning!
CJ
If i had seen those brats touching/kicking my bike, i would have addressed them directly, and i would have no resistance to using strong language to get my point across…
“but MacTech, you can’t use profanity in front of a child, it’ll warp their tiny little minds”
<Harvey Birdman>
oh, big falcon deal…
in addition to getting “The Lood”;), i’d also switch into my patented deep, gruff Scary Voice™ (sounds remarkably like Freddy Krueger’s) and approach them in an angry manner
“hey, brats, get the fuck away from my bike!”
i would then approach the parents and let them know that their demonic little packets of genetic waste material need discipline, and part of that discipline involves them being taught to respect other people’s property
if the bike (specifically, the rear tire/rim) ended up getting damaged by brat #1 kicking the rear tire, i’d let them know that they’d be expected to pay for a replacement, and i would be checking the rear wheel to make sure the rim wasn’t knocked out of true…
heck, just the sound of me removing my security chain from the bike (my 10 pound Master Lock Street Links chain should terrify the brats
After 8 innings of being kicked in the back by a 5 year old girl, I finally turned around and said something. I didn’t want to be the evil old lady, but it was obvious by then her parents weren’t going to say anything. It worked - she stopped kicking and her parents seemed to ignore me too. I feel a little bad for her, her parents ignored her bad behavior and the person who had to step in to say something about it. She is probably ignored a lot.
I can’t believe the bad behavior I just witnessed at the grocery store. A couple and their nine year old demon spawn were in the checkout line in front of me. While their order was being rung up, I started unpacking my cart when I noticed DS grabbing the plastic divider that is put between orders. Once he grabbed it he began to beat various things with it including the cart and the conveyor belt before seeing the perfect target – my loaf of bread from the deli. After causing a few major dents, he moved on to grabbing the cheese I was buying, threw it on the floor and began to kick it about. Mom and Dad appeared oblivious to this all until DS’s grand finale. I was wanting to satisfy my sweet tooth and had picked up a couple of oversized sugar cookies with lots of icing from the bakery. Seeing this goodie, he grabs it and starts whining, “Moooooooooom, I want the coooooookie!” Her response was “Sure sweetie, since you’ve been such a good boy today.”
I really wish that I could have thought of something good to say to the parents about their child’s behavior but I was really just too aghast by it. Once they left, the checker apologized and had another worker grab replacements for the items the child had taken/attempted to destroy. The whole situation would have been slightly mitigated if the mother was by herself; after all I guess that it could be harder to manage an unruly kid while trying to carry out errands. There were two adults there though and one of them should have done something about the kid.
See, here’s what I don’t understand. With all sympathy with clipper’s predicament, and obvious courtesy and/or shyness, why not either say to the child, “Excuse me, please don’t do that,” or to the parents, “Excuse me, would you please ask your child to leave my groceries alone?”
You must have a very kind face, clipper. I can send a child to cower behind its mother with a frown and a scowl.
Yes, speaking as a mother, so long as you don’t threaten the kid or overreact, I am nothing but grateful if you intervene when my kid is rude to you. It shows the kids that society as a whole feels that such behaviour is not on, not just the crazy mother. (That mother was unbelieveable though - HOW could you let your kid damage and TAKE someone elses stuff???)
I remember as a kid, doing some minor but annoying or destructive things in public, and being told off by a stranger. It was quite a shock to me, and subdued me for a long time. I never did any of those things again Ones that come to mind - climbing on a statue - the Trevi fountain to be exact!! (God knows what my mother was thinking) and keeping my finger on the doorbell till the lady came out - steaming!
Kids actually start testing limits from the moment they can move on their own. A sense of defiance sort of blossoms overnight, as they develop desires. So that means lots of opportunities for practicing discipline & redirection before the stakes get too high. At least that’s how mine are, certainly YMMV. They are born with their own temperaments, it’s quite interesting.
My Mom’s disapproving stare carries a lot of weight with mine. My son was misbehaving in a restaurant, tormenting his sister, and Mom’s “No!” combined with the right eye contact caused him to reconsider and change course immediately. I was impressed. This was at about 13 months.
Excalibre - I really liked your remarks re: the isolated nuclear family. We’re taking steps to change that for ourselves, because we find ourselves overwhelmed by the time and energy required to raise children. Having other people to rely on makes such a positive difference.
Shame on you for not saying something.
Not to pile-on or anything, but I have to agree with cosmodan. The kid can muck up his parents’ stuff all he wants, but all bets are off when he starts grabbing my stuff. And I’ll probably give him the hairy eyeball for mucking with his parents’ stuff, too - nine years old is way too old to be acting like a two year old.
I realize now that I should have said something in a calm manner to let the child know his behavior was inappropriate. I was exhausted from working a long day and my instincts were to either be annoyed and roll my eyes or chew the kid and his parents out. The latter may have made me feel better but I doubt would have been the most effective way to convey to him the inappropriateness of his behaviors. I took the easy way out; hopefully next time I won’t.
Many years ago when I was working a fast-food job during the summer off from school, I witnesses a scene that greatly contributed to my decision not to have children. This appox. 6-7 year old kid comes in with the Mother, and they approach the counter to place their order:
Kid: I want a BlahBlah.
Mother: No, honey, you know you won’t eat all of that because you don’t like the sauce, honey, why don’t you get a kid’s meal, honey?
Kid: (volume increasing) I want a BlahBlah!"
Mother: Now, honey…
Kid: (screaming) I want a BlahBlah!
Mother: Now, honey…
All this is taking place at the counter blocking any other of the many customers in line from approaching my register. Finally, after what seemed like hours of this cretin screaming and his mother saying “Now honey” the kid takes his mother’s very large purse and turns it upside down on the floor - emptying money, tissues, wallet, etc. all over the place. So what happens? The stupid bitch cleans up the mess her spawn made and then ordered him the BlahBlah! Even at the age of 16 I knew enough not to reward bad behavior.
Other peoples children are one of the main reasons I decided not to have kids. I can’t understand why parents allow kids to do things I would not have lived to tell about if I had tried them. And yes, I’m 44 years old and still say “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir” to people older than me.
Regarding this whole kids in doctor’s offices issue:
I really don’t think that it’s reasonable to expect that a doctor provides you with daycare for the duration of the visit. One poster actually suggested, “just hire two full time staff so that they can trade off in watching the kids.” Well, if this service is so important or worthwhile, why don’t the patients pay for it? This proposal would cost doctors at least $40 an hour with two trained staff, benefits like healthcare for the staff, the upkeep costs of the daycare room, etc. This little convenience comes out to around $80,000 a year. That’s certainly a large chunk of change for any health care provider, particularly for a primary care provider that’s likely making between $100-120 K per year.
No, sorry, it isn’t feasable to expect your physician to be a baby-sitter as well. Exceptional circumstances aside, you’re still going to need to find someone to help take care of your kids during your office visit if you know that junior cannot sit quietly for 30 minutes.
A friend and I just came back from a vacation during which we went to a California mission. If we’d known there were going to be hordes of kids on school field trips, we would have gone later in the afternoon, which is when they all left.
As it was, we were frequently irritated by kids running, screaming, littering, and nearly crashing into us all over the place. There were plenty of adults with them but they were totally oblivious to the behavior. The docents looked annoyed, but I don’t know if they ever bother to eject these groups of unruly cretins.
I hope they don’t take these kids into a museum. They’d probably knock over all the exhibits.
Yes, I’ve watched the show and I wish more parents would. And Nanny manages to get things under control without any yelling or hitting, too.