Good Mornin’ Y’all! Up and caffeinatin’. YAWN ‘Tis 73 Amurrkin and partly cloudy with a predicted high of 87, becomin’ cloudy and with rain predicted around two p.m. We shall see. I need to call the pharmacy and re-fill two ‘scripts, so will do that when it opens. A few errands need to be done as well, includin’ a trip to Wally*World. The rest of the day will be spent in RDOS sloth as is our wont. Sup will be leftovers from yestiddy.
OK, on to the topic. Tell a stoopid joke. Or don’t. It’s the MMP so it ain’t like it matters if anyone stays anywhere near the OP.
I bought a dog from a locksmith.
When I brought him home, the first thing he did is make a bolt for the door.
Now I need more caffeine and to feed rumbly tummy. Then I suppose I must purtify and don attire acceptable for bein’ amongst the great unwashed. What I do for my public!
Starting the day with a mere 63 Ferrets on the way to mid-80s with lots of sun. I’m going to try to finish the back yard project, having ignored it for a couple of weeks. I have a couple of coneflowers to plant, a trellis to finish assembling and install, and the remaining dirt needs to be spread evenly so I can seed it. Mowage must occur also. We’ll see how far I get.
For the moment, windows are open, but we all know that won’t last. By Thursday, they’re promising triple digits, dammit, in the middle of another hot stretch.
Saturday is my mom’s Christmas in July gathering that will include much food, pool time, and a White Elephant gift exchange. I may actually take my swim suit if it’s as hot as promised. Otis will be staying with his buddy Dolly since we can’t trust him in an unfenced area. Plus being a 2+ hour drive each way, that’s just a formula for major zoomies.
I took a time-release melatonin last night and actually slept thru!! I’m not sure if it’s responsible, but I dreamed that I had another seizure - that was disturbing. There was also something about me wanting to get a piece of jewelry appraised and the jeweler said it’d cost $4K for the appraisal - that was just flat-out weird.
I asked the handyman to not put anything on the passageway from the first to second floor and he gave me a blank stare.
Works best when you say it.
4 more pills left though its giving me bathroom issues.
Morning all. Still in Sandusky eating pancakes at the motel prior to starting the day. Did go back to Cedar Point last evening for some more rides so think I will take a break this morning and go to a nearby cave and do that tour before returning to the park. I think I have one more good active day in me before a couple days of mild driving and exploring the old homestead. Nice weather again, except for the one rainstorm on Friday it’s been nice, hopefully will hold that for the rest of the week.
As for stupid jokes, here’s two: And my phone doesn’t have the right parens for spoilers, so…
What’s green and red and goes 500 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.
Did you know they wanted Bruce Willis to play Bilbo Baggins?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A fucking stick.
Did the sheets and towels laundry yesterday, so that chore is done for awhile. I really need to wash the car; maybe today.
Sadie didn’t touch her nighttime food, which is a bit of a concern. She seems perky enough this morning, but she usually cleans her plate at night. I’ll keep an eye on her.
It’s going to be a hot one this week, so I’ll make a cold salad to nosh on, and perhaps we’ll order food delivery so I don’t have to turn on the stove.
When my dad was in hospital with (eventually terminal) lung cancer, my brother (then 8) and me (aged 6) made him a “get well” card with this, illustrated, on the cover:
Why did the man in hospital go “haha, boink”?
On the inside, the very juvenile answer:
“He laughed his head off”.
To my father’s credit he laughed. As lame as that joke is, his reaction has stuck with me for the last 42 years.
When Jesus was a little boy, he ran outside to play, leaving the door open. His Mom’s reaction would be echoed by centuries of mothers after her. “Shut the door! Jesus, were you born in a barn?”
Not a joke, but I just saw the thread about Sam Neill dying. He was 78. In my mind, that translates to only 78, as in only 6 years older than I am. All of a sudden only applies to any age under 90…
OK, time to get dressed in grubbies and start yard work before it gets too hot.
It’s 52F and clear outside. Today will be sunny with a daytime high of 84F.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why was the frog late for work? Because his car was toad.
FCM, I saw an article about Sam Neill, too. I enjoyed much of his work, and I also translated it into “only” 78.
I am not sure what is on the agenda today. Truth be told, I didn’t do much yesterday. The kitchen, sweeping the floors, tending to the posies, and some other minor stuff, but that’s about it.
The craptastic neighbors had a biiiiiig party yesterday. I immediately tensed up when I heard a bunch of bottles being clanked around in a container. Sure enough, by 11:30 a.m., the music was playing, and my neighborhood was filling up with cars. I had to listen to that until nearly 9:00 p.m. last night. My Garmin told me I was having a stressful day. They had an all-day thing last Sunday, too. Screaming kids, loud and sometimes screaming, drunken adults, and continuous bass thumping for two weekends in a row. And, there wasn’t much I could say or do because it was daytime; I just had to grit my teeth and bear it. I guess I should be glad it didn’t go on all night.
As for today, I’m not sure what’s up. I guess I’ll see.
I hope you all have a good day. Please take care of yourselves, too.
Last night’s NASCAR race at Atlanta was delayed by rain. For the first hour or so, they passed the time by interviewing drivers, but then they switched to a show so stupid that I couldn’t bear to watch it. That’s no way to keep your race fans watching, TNT. Long after I switched it off, Ryan Blaney won the race.
My watch told me, via my phone, that it needs a software update. I’ll figger it out somehow.
Afternoon, mumpers! It’s currently 23c/74f with a predicted high of 25c/76f and partly cloudy. Weather app says “The weather, for once, is not acting like a fucking clueless numpty.”
What do you call a scary chicken? A poultrygeist!
Taters I’m sorry to hear about the neighbours. Do you have some local laws or HOA regulations about noise and/or loud music? Or would the neighbours ignore that anyway?
metalmouse sounds like you’re having a good time with the rides, I hope you get to enjoy a peaceful scenic drive too.
Cookie sorry to hear Sadie’s off her food, perhaps she’s too hot and she just didn’t feel like eating?
Work has not been very productive today, there’s not a lot going on so it is kind of slow anyway. I have been out to do the grocery shopping although we didn’t want much since we’re only at home for half the week. I have about another hour to work, then I’m logging out to go to the dentist and the hygienist. Then I should get home just in time to change clothes and head off to the gym. When I get back, I need to gather up the rubbish and then haul the biiiig bin out to the kerb for tomorrow’s collection, which might be quite early again given the persistent high temperatures.
Why do elephants climb trees? To jump out of them.
Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between two and four in the afternoon? That’s when the elephants are climbing trees.
Why are pygmies so short? They went into the jungle between two and four in the afternoon.
70 ferrets at 0900; predicted high 82. The predicted highs for the next few days have all been raised by several degrees, Wednesday’s up to 94.
Should go to the library this afternoon or tomorrow: Five books to return, and three to pick up if no one’s beaten me to it. After which I shall return to my usual Megalonyx sloth.
Good morning. It was 73ºF and very, very overcast, so no sunrise photos to share.
After delivering Squeaky to NC State and grabbing a metric buttload of clam strips at the NC Seafood restaurant at the Farmers’ Market,[1]Mrs Magill got to her parents’ house where she’ll stay until Thursday, working out of her Charlotte office.
Not much else to report here except - I fucking love my new hair. I love the color! I love the cut! I love how it feels on my shoulders! It just really pushes all the euphoria buttons!
Knock-knock
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, no. It’s “to whom.”
Metalmouse Enjoy the coasters. Before he retired, my father and my sister used to take a couple of days off and hit the amusement parks to ride the roller coasters. He took some photos into work. One of his younger coworkers, after seeing the photo of them on the coaster, said, “Wow, Bob. When I get old, I want to be just like you.” English wasn’t her first language.
FCM & taters I apologize for Sam Neill. I took him off my Death Pool list, thereby sealing his doom.
What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung!
She remembered the yum, but not the massive portions ↩︎
(This isn’t a joke…). I’m living with my mother-in-law who is in her 80s. For a few months I have been giving a joke for the day. It brightens up her life. They are along the lines of these jokes. Today I used the first joke - the dog that came from a locksmith. Someone mentioned the joke about what’s red and bad for the teeth. That was the joke from a couple days ago. So, I will use this thread as a source. Thanks!
Wally*World. 
