I will be good.
Have I mentioned how much I love my hair, by the way?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrup…
MOO!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Interrupting sloth
Interrupting sloth who?
.
.
.
.
.
Raahh!
And it was one. Both night clerks and J called out, so I was on the 300 Slide, and trying to do the Falls River clerk work. And apparently there was a late Air on Saturday, so there were 100 boxes of warmed up meds that had to go back to Illinois. Plus all the usual crap. They had to send Dee over to help when they had Irregs wrapped up to clear it all. There weren’t a lot of damages and rewraps, but I didn’t get started till 0915. After work, I gassed up Carmen, did my Aldi run, and continuing with the Monday the 13th theme, my usual Aldi had a refrigeration failure, so I had to drive to the Rich People’s Aldi to do my shopping. I’m gonna nap through the rest of this day, and hope the tree doesn’t topple over, or Onan chews through the wall at mauls me.
What do you call a one legged woman? Ilene.
Dare I ask which show?
A horse walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “On a right triangle with sides x, y, and z where x and z meet at the 90 degree angle, which side is the hypotenuse?” The bartender replies, “Y, the long face.”
Yes, a lady must look fabulous, even in time out.
The only jokes I know are stoopid jokes.
When I was but a wee lass, I sent in a joke to Garfield Goose and Friends, a Chicago kids’ TV show. I heard Frasier Thomas read it on air, but I missed it. I only knew two jokes.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack and I’ll plaster you!
I didn’t send in the following because I thought it might be too risqué:
What did the mayonnaise say when I opened the fridge?
Close the door. I’m dressing!
My mom loved to laugh and even made up some jokes, but many times she didn’t get them. When I was in college, Dad sent me a letter that included this joke:
A farmer took his ram to the veterinarian because he couldn’t get it to mate. The vet suggested playing romantic music. A week later, the farmer was back, ram in tow, complaining the music hadn’t work.
Vet, puzzled: What song did you play?
Farmer: They’ll Never Be Another You.
I knew Dad had told the joke to Mom because he added this:“Hint: what is a female [/spoiler][spoiler]sheep called?”
I won’t re-post them here, but my last coupla contributions to the ongoing jokes thread were terrible.
I cackled at each one.
nellie - did you get your jokes from the Limeliters? I heard them on their Through Children’s Eyes album. Another is - What two things do your nose and your feet do in common? Smell and run.
OK, trellis is up and sprinkler is sprinkling. As you can see… I need to clean up the clematis - there’s still too much dead within, but I want to get it well watered and established before I do much else.
Meanwhile, I’m done for today. And I’m thinking we need to have supper out tonight.
Me, to librarian: “Do you have any books about paranoia?”
Librarian, in a very quiet whisper: " They’re right behind you. "
I have laughed at the jokes but we spent most of the afternoon on country roads and I had no idea how hard that would be on me. My shoulder aches and I’m pretty worn out. At least we are well stocked in shine 
Oh, from last night…
Phone: “Hi, can I get a pizza, ummmmm, with bacon and macaroni?”
Me: { crickets } { blinks while entire kitchen stands, staring at me, waits for order } “Sorry. What?”
Phone: { laughs in slightly drunk } Hahaha, I meant bacon and PEPPERONI!"
Me: “Sure, gotcha.” { proceeds to tell EVERYONE in the kitchen that one }
I am heading down to Oregon tomorrow to see my youngest sister and her family. This will be the first time I get to meet my nephews who are 10 and 13. They have flown in from Texas and are staying with BiL’s parents near Banks.
I’m going alone and I don’t mind. I plan to leave ver, very early to avoid the commuter traffic. Plus, I just like being on the road when it’s more quiet.
I am looking forward to it. I’ll stay overnight at a hotel and head back late morning.
Work is done for the day! 
It’s 5:30pm, but I’m hanging out on my home computer for a little while: the HOA says we aren’t supposed to put the trash cans out before 6pm and I’m a good little renter, so I figure I’ll wait until then to head downstairs. I’ll put the trash out and walk to the mailbox before making dinner and becoming one with the couch in front of the TV.
My stoopid joke: Why do writers and editors always feel so cold? Because they’re surrounded by drafts.
Etsy has notified me that a t-shirt I ordered for HusbandBFF – who was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer – was delivered via USPS, hence the trip to the mailbox. If it’s there, now I’ll have gifts for him, WifeBFF, and their son (my “nephew,” who flies in from TX for a long visit next week) the next time I see them:
- HusbandBFF’s shirt is a Wheel of Fortune board that shows “F*CK CANC*R” and says, “I would like to solve the puzzle”
- Nephew also get a t-shirt: his says “Can’t, sorry, my dad has cancer” (his GF reported that he immediately started [jokingly] trying to use HusbandBFF’s cancer as an excuse to get out of housework
) - WifeBFF will get a gold bracelet that says “This too shall pass”…and on the inside it says “But fu*king hell”
In Lego news, I finished the Diagon Alley Wizarding Shops yesterday:
It looks bigger in the picture than it really is: the two sides fold in, and closed it’s maybe 12" long by 6" wide. It’s much smaller than minifigure scale. It was a really fun build, though.
That was the last of my backlog: other than a couple of holiday sets in the storage room, I currently have no new sets waiting to be put together. 
I’m trying to be more responsible about my spending, because my new rent and other monthly expenses are higher and over the past 6 weeks I’ve spent quite enough on stuff for this place, but assembling Lego is sooooo theraputic (uniquely so)…sometime during tomorrow’s 11am-8pm virtual meeting I might have to search Amazon for a reasonably-priced set that can get here before the weekend. 
The heck with that: people should wear whatever they want. 
We always look better in whatever we like the most, because subconsciously we feel more confident.
This one might be my favorite so far! 
(Though “bacon and macaroni” – while not a stoopid joke – is now a close second!)
That sounds great.
Woman asked the bank teller what her balance was.
.. so they pushed her.
I don’t know the name of the show, but it was a bunch of people trying to get through a big, puffy rubber machine designed to throw them in the water. It was (somewhat gently) sadistic. I suppose some people found it funny, in a big-fail kind of way. I didn’t.
Howdy Y’all! I got the 'scripts refilled. No flies on my pharmacy cause ten minutes after I called to get the refills I had a text to tell me they were ready. I also went to 
Wally*World and got the stuff we needed. A dozen big chawklit/chawklit chip muffins jumped in the cart and refused to get out unless I purchased 'em and brought ‘em to da cave. I hate it when that happens! We had rain this afternoon with some distant thunder booms. I hear distant booms as I post. They may be closer than I think as I have already taken out my hearin’ aids. We et up the leftovers from last night for sup.
Y’all are crackin’ me up! I love all the stoopid jokes. I have been gigglin’ enought whilst readin’ for OYKW to ask me what is so funny. I told him and he said, good, that means you’ll be entertained enough to maybe not be tellin’ 'em to me. He is about twenty percent less juvenile than me. That’s good cause when one of us needs to be mature, I leave it to him.
One of my favorites:
What’s blackandwhiteandgreenandwhiteandblack and smells awful.
Two skunks fightin’ over a pickle.
I threw a ball for my dog.
It was extravagant, but he looked good in a tuxedo.
I lost my job at the frozen orange juice factory.
I couldn’t concentrate.
I lost my job at the keyboard factory.
I didn’t put in enough shifts.
Knotty My watch, my phone and my tablet will nag me when one, both, or all three need an update. Who knew technology would kvetch like it does! Fortunately my laptop does not talk to them.
Taters sorry about the noisy neighbors. I am fortunate to have neighbors who are not.
Author if the jokes you get here brighten up your MIL’s and your life, then so much the better!
rocker I am not one for crime/mystery series but that one sounds like it could be fun. Glad koritza is back to herself and is figurin’ out ways to get the nummy fish water.
Cat_Glove all I can say is all God’s critters gotta eat. However, it would be nice if they cleaned their plates. Hope you get your beach trip soonest.
MOOOOOOM The Tobester has an aspirin’ career ahead of him. Or, at least he’ll be a master of dad jokes. It’s all good either way.
Cookie good to know Sadie is playful. Hope she gets her appetite back soonest.
MetalMouse did you wear your hearin’ aids on the rides? That thought popped into my haid while I was takin’ mine out this evenin’. (I have heard enough for one day!) I think I would for fear they might fall out while bein’ tossed to and fro on a ride.
Dicey how awful! I hope it’s a better desk at least.
Nuts ICK indeed! Hope the problem is fixed soonest.
doggio that was definitely a Moanday the thirteenth!
JtC sorry your shoulder is achy. However, looks like you had a good day and yay for the shine haul.
shoe perhaps a bacon, mac & cheese pizza would be tasty. Or the thing that brings on the apocalypse. Might be worth the risk.
Taters enjoy your trip. So glad you get to meet your nephews! I like to get an early start as well.
On a hunch, I moved her food from the overly warm kitchen into the cooler living room where her water is. She ate the whole can. Crisis averted!
I napped. They got the tree gone by 3:45. I didn’t even hear it. Now I’m up, having an Old Fashioned, cheese burgers, fries, and corn on the cob. TIL that someone floozy-ed in the sand locker in the forwardmost bow of U.S.S. Jersey.
Me to librarian: “Do you have any books on Pavlov’s conditioning experiments?”
Librarian: “It doesn’t ring a bell.”
{{{{JtC}}}
Safe travels!
Yay!
We’re on vacation and are staying in a rental. We are remembering why we usually don’t travel in summer - the rental home next door is full of squealing tween boys. Hopefully they settle down tonight.
What’s Irish and sits out in the rain?
Patio furniture