Alright, my best friend is getting married. First off, I don’t know many of the responsibilities of best man. I’m vaguely aware that I’m supposed to give some sort of speech, maybe, and that I have to organize a bachelor party.
What are we supposed to do at the party? I understand that with a straight wedding, the woman isn’t invited to the bachelor party, but they’re both men! They like the same thing! I’ll probably ask, but I’m coming here first in case asking is taboo and I’m just supposed to know.
What sort of speech is supposed to be given? When? Should it be about the person I’m being best man or the pair of them? They’re both friends to me.
And, most importantly, do I still have to get them a wedding gift?
You give a speech at the reception. Ideally, the speech would be a humorous recollection with the moral of the story being how well they are suited (or seemingly ill-suited, in a humorous way) to be a couple, or your friend(s) now-reconsidered previous views on marriage or relationships in general, or perhaps this relationship. Some mildly embarrasing romantic escepade involving the couple. “True Love overcomes all difficulties” “We weren’t sure he’d ever grow up, but finally he grew a brain”, or something like that.
Party: Ask the couple if they even want a bachelor party and if so, how many strippers. Be sure to hire boy strippers.
Speech/toast: If the other groom has his own best man, then your speech should focus on your groom, but should include mention of his husband. If you’re the only best man then your speech should be mostly about your groom but with substantive content about his husband, say 70-30.
Gift: Gifts are never required, but I would consider it bad form not to give a gift. If you’re paying for the bachelor party out of pocket and it’s a substantial amount, then a token gift is fine. A favorite photo of the two of them in a silver frame, two pairs of matching cufflinks, something along those lines.
Stripper has to be a drag queen.
Speech should include quote from Brokeback Mountain (perhaps with the little guitar riff in the background). It might be nice to read a telegram from Tom Cruise, apologizing for not being able to attend.
You have to buy them His and His matching toasters as a gift.
It might be a good idea to ask the groom what he wants. Not all grooms want a “Strippers and beer” party; I know I didn’t, since I find strippers boring and kind of pathetic.
Neither did my best friend. For his bachelor party he wanted me to come down a week early for a solid week of video games, pizza, and playoff hockey.
As for the speech, I’d suggest not going to the “a whole bunch of jokes making fun of the groom” bit because everyone’s heard that speech a thousand times and they’re not funny anymore. A heartfelt speech about your best friend and how cool it is he’s getting married will suffice, and keep it under five minutes. A few jokes should be tossed in there but don’t make it all about jokes, and make it sound sincere.
In a reversal from YOUR responsibilities I had a heterosexual wedding (I’m the female half of that) with a gay best man. Since my wedding was only traditional in the ways we WANTED it to be traditional (I wore a red dress, but we had an actual minister marry us outside) I figure I can offer some suggestions for non-typical weddings.
Bachelor party…ask the “groom,” whichever one you’re standing up for, what he wants. These things are kind of all the same. Big bash, lots of booze, nudity if desired. Asking is NOT taboo…particularly not in light of the hardly-traditional arrangement. They’re not likely to be sticklers for the kind of “can’t see the bride in her wedding dress” nonsense that others may be.
Shower…why not, other married couples get them. Just another excuse for a little party. Get a female to help you, since she might know more about shower junk. It’s no longer unacceptable to have both parties present, even in hetero marriages. Find out if they’re registered and encourage people to buy them stuff.
Toast. Say nice stuff about your friend and his choice of partner. Yeah…skip the jokes and key collection nonsense. It’s just sort of boring and offensive. Our gay best man (husband’s best friend) gave the most lovely toast ever at our wedding.
Usually the shower is given by someone in the bride’s wedding party, like the maid of honor. Is there another best man for the other groom? If so, probably a good idea for the two of you to get together and split up any duties required.
But, really, what the best man is expected to do is to talk to the groom and find out what the groom expects. Often, anything beyond “get the groom to the ceremony more-or-less on time” is service above and beyond for the best man.
And I’d advise waiting to give your best man toast until after everyone’s a little tipsy at the post-wedding reception. Preferably without someone filming you. No one’ll remember if your toast was memorable or otherwise by the next morning.
Oops - my bad. I forgot there was that incident with the drag queens in Madison a few years back…
Also, in my experience, men who are hung cost more, not less.
It must be a regional thing because on the West Coast, you do indeed receive a toaster (oven) as a gift for joining the family (hence the popularity of Pop Tarts in the Gay Community).
Recruiters are only interested in getting their hands on that gift basket.
