I want to hear stories far more outlandish than mine. I want to hear about people changing planes in Denver unnecessarily, quitting their jobs, moving to another state, or faking their death just to avoid someone they’d otherwise have to deal with who thoroughly just irks.
I thought about this this morning as I was walking (quite unnecessarily) to the other side of my work building to enter in order to avoid one certain highly annoying security guard. Everyday he finds it required to comment on my lack of a smile. One day it’s, “You should smile,” the next it’s, “Let’s see that smile more,” then it’s “Why are you looking so mean today? Smile!” etc. First, that’s annoying when anyone does it, but no biggie since it’s only a passing moment, and secondly, how often is he going to bug me with this? Is he really going to demand that I smile everyday until one of us finds a new job? One day I apparently bristled at him, as he remarked “Wow, this one can give the mean face.” Dude, look, it was like 90 degrees and I was sweating and tired and didn’t feel like forcing a smile for your pleasure. Good fuck.
I know he’s just trying to be nice, and I don’t want to be super-bitch, but he is so goddamn annoying that I have now taken to entering from the other side of the building. I just don’t want to deal with his instructions on what to do with my face anymore. So as I was walking all the way around the building today I thought to myself, “This is a waste of” but gah! I just… I can’t pretend I don’t want to punch him anymore, so I just avoid him. Plus I’m in no particular rush to get to the office.
And before anyone asks, no, I’m not going to be a weirdo and stand in the middle of the lobby and request that he not speak to me anymore.
Wow, I have nothing as radical as you requested. But I do check our lobby before heading to the elevators at 5 p.m. to make sure I’m not going to crowd into an elevator with:
The stinky chick
The mean gossip who hates me and I feel the same way about her
The creepy older attorney who still makes sex jokes whenever he speaks to a woman
If any of the above are out there, I wait awhile until they’re gone. I can see who’s waiting for elevators in the lobby because I walk up from behind the receptionist and check her security camera while remaining unseen. Handy invention, that!
I can’t say mine is as dramatic as yours, but there was a period of time when I took to intentionally missing an early train home and waiting an extra 20 minutes in order to avoid an acquaintance who couldn’t take hints or otherwise grasp my desire to sleep, rather than chat, on the ride home. It was my only quiet time of the day, and I cherished it.
I misread the thread title as meaning “Great lengths you’ve gone to to avoid doing things that irritate other people.” Glad I was wrong; this is much more interesting.
I used to get the “Smile!” and variants from a particular co-worker. One day I just laid it out for her: “Look, this is my natural expression. I don’t go around plastering a big fake smile on my face just to please other people. I’m just trying to go about my day and mind my own business, and I don’t tell you what to do with your face. So could you just drop it, please?” She was shocked, but she got the message and didn’t do it anymore.
I have a friend who I’ve known since high school, so basically half my life. He has some really annoying habits and its very difficult to be around him for a long time. He’s a huge downer and has this underhanded mean streak that he pulls out whenever people seem to be too happy around him. For example, if you say something good happened to you, he either has to counter it with something good that happened to him or criticize you so that your thing doesn’t seem as pleasant.
It got to the point where none of us in the group could stand him for any length of time so we would either not invite him to come out with us or purposefully cut our visits to him short. I reached a point where I couldn’t care less if we were friends or not so one time, while we were arguing about something, I made an unkind remark about his girlfriend. I knew it would piss him off, and I was hoping it would. He didn’t like it one bit and told me to fuck off, advice which I gladly took. We didn’t speak to each other for over a year afterwards. So I intentionally provoked a fight with someone with the express purpose of not having to hang around him anymore
I didn’t think there would any stories of faked deaths, but I was kind of hoping for one.
I, um, could but that would be weird.
You know, it’s not unusual 'round these parts (and I’m assuming george’s response was at least somewhat in jest) who say you should say whatever the hell you’re thinking, social conventions be damned, but I don’t always feel that’s the best idea in the world. I do, at times, say things that would make most people cringe, but that’s usually around people I likely won’t see again or won’t feel awkward around if I do.
Strangely, I think I’d feel more inclined to tell an annoying person I know to fuck off than I would be the security guard I see everyday. I make no sense.
I quit shopping at the grocery store that is less than half a mile from my house because one of the baggers that works there is a guy who has a mental handicap of some sort and any time he sees little kids, he makes faces at them and wants to play “Peek-a-boo” and stuff, and the way he goes about it is just super-creepy and loud and obnoxious. I mean, it’s not just “peek-a-boo, little guy.” It’s “WHOOP WHOOP! HEY LIL BUDDY! HEY HEY LIL BUDDY! HEY BUDDY BUDDY BUD! PEEKABOO! WHOOOOOOP LET’S PLAY PEEKABOO!” I should point out that this happens not just in the checkout aisle, but if he happens to be reshelving something or whatever, and sees us in the actual store. So I’m trying to get my shopping done while this guy is following me around trying to get my toddler to play peek-a-boo.
I just can’t deal with it, and I really feel weird about complaining about a clearly mentally handicapped individual, so I just don’t shop there, at least not during the week. He seems to have weekends off.
I wasn’t joking. More than once, I’ve told someone, “Don’t tell me to smile.” Sometimes with a “fuckin’” thrown in. I don’t confront people, as a rule, but your situation sounds like a major PITA.
Walk right up to him, slowly and deliberately, touch him gently on the arm, speak very softly, and say; “I like you and I appreciate your friendliness, but please stop asking me to smile, I beg of you. Thank you so much for your understanding. (Great Big Smile)”, and take your leave of him before he has a chance to respond.
You don’t need to do it in the middle of the lobby, take him aside. And there is no need to ask him to ‘not speak to you anymore’.
Not that hard, not confrontational, polite, honest, direct and not really all that difficult.
If you find this approach just too difficult, leave a note for him on his day off. Explain that there are people in the world who do not care to smile on demand, especially day after endless day. Perhaps, in the case of people who are not responding with smiles, he should take the hint and knock it off. You don’t even need to sign your name. How hard is that?
Or, y’know, you could continue to avoid him like you’re still in seventh grade.
I used to avoid people who felt they had to ask about my reproductive statis. No kids at almost 34 years old must mean there was something wrong with me.
One day, during a company lunch, I was asked again and I just burst out in tears (not really, I covered my face with my hands) and gasped out that I couldn’t have children because of bad things that had happened to me as a child (truth) and that it hurt so much to be asked (untruth…it was just annoying).
This one goes a LOOOONG way back, but one morning when I was about 7 (no, I am not shitting you) I was visiting a friend for breakfast.
We were there with her mother eating our eggs and her mother saw these super annoying twins that lived on the street heading over - super annoying twin’s super annoying mom used to just send them to random houses to get them out of her hair.
My friend’s mom made us hide under the table for about 15 minutes while the twins rang the bell. At the time it was kind of awesome because my friend and I thought the twins were super annoying and didn’t really enjoy playing with them, but when I think I back and imagine friends mom on her hands and knees under the table hissing at us in a stage whisper to keep quiet, it strikes me as sort of odd, yaknow?
I too thought this thread was meaning “Great lengths you’ve gone to to avoid doing things that irritate other people.” which is odd coming from MeanOldLady.
Tell him you physically can’t smile ever since “the accident” then stare. No words, just stare. I like the kid cancer idea as well.
Handicapped or not, I don’t give anyone who works with the public any special compensation for being disabled when they’re being an annoying asshole. The man is driving customers away and is being a creep, you need to complain about him.
