If you’re not even from Texas, what makes you so all fired anxious to speak for those of us who are, not to mention the fact you’re doing such a poor and inaccurate job of it.
First question:
You guys seem really proud of the size of your state. Does it piss you off that my state (New South Wales) is, I think, the third smallest in my country, but is bigger than Texas?
Second Question:
How did you guys manage to host South by Southwest Festival? I mean, that thing is really cool. Also, would you be willing to give it up? Cause I sure could use it a little closer to home.
General, you’re from California, a late arrival here and yet you chastise others for being from out-of-state, suggesting they moved because they “couldn’t cut it”, that they likely “chickened out.” You brag about the size of Texas, as if that has anything to do with a state or it’s resident’s viability. You’re quick to brag about that which you have no control over, that which you weren’t responsible for and you even do so in an insulting manner. Frankly, you don’t remind me of any real Texan I know.
Texans are for the most part salt of the earth folk, proud and strong but quietly confident. If that’s something you’d like to identify with, fine, but kindly don’t do so in such a boorish manner and completely counter to the fact.
You ever driven onto the Lubbock plateau? It’s like this:
Flat. Flat. Empty, boring and flat. Almost straight up. Flat again.
The sides of the plateau are too steep to walk up (something like a 45 degree incline when you’re not on the roads), and that’s considerably more mountainous than the rest of the state. But yah, the west half gets pretty bumpy too. I just haven’t been out there more than once or twice, so I can’t speak from personal experiance.
I’ve never met anyone who said this. Where’d you live? I could understand the losers in Austin thinking this, but they’re not like the rest of us. The only people that live in Austin are democrats, college kids, and queers. Those groups overlap more than you’d think.
You started it, and I’ll be willing to finish it.
Bush Senior is responsible for the success of W. We voted for him because he’s not a hypocritical bastard, like Gore. You call Bush a pansy again, and you’ll wake up with a few dozen truck-loads of gun-toting republicans on your front lawn. Texans take their politics seriously. Besides, Bush is not only fixing all the shit that Bill screwed up, but he’s actually doing more that banging interns and bombing asprin factories.
Next point. You cannot buy Texas voters. I don’t know about the rest of the country, but Texans get very insulted when you try. Bush got our votes because he did a damn good job here, and if you can run the second largest state without a hitch, you’re pretty qualified to run the rest of the country. Texas has never been better off than when Bush was running things down here. When his second term as Prez is up, we’re ready to re-elect him as governer.
On to your ignorant claim about cowboys. Montana never had cowboys. Cowboys were specifically part of the Texas Cattle Drives.
Oklahoma is not cowboys. My dad was born there, he was raised there, and he backs me up on this.
Wyoming sort of has cowboys. Nothing even close to the Texas cowboy (a good quarter of my senior class owned horses, and at least 8 of them lived on one of the ranches outside town).
I don’t think you’ve even lived here. Until you’ve lived here for at least a year, you really can’t understand Texas. If you’re one of those people that looks down on Texas, you’re never gonna learn anything about us, cause we won’t let you. You really can’t learn about Texas, you have to be taught, or you have to grow up with it. I’ve been here since I was 7, and I wouldn’t live somewhere else if you paid me. Except maybe Hawaii. You could pay me to live there.
Damn straight.
And about the fire ants. If you’ve ever stepped in a fire ant pile, you’ll understand why my dad uses gasoline and a match instead of pesticide. Serves the little bastards right.
Yep. And they’ve got Internet-ready computers now, it seems.
Honestly, General, do you really believe that “dear ol’ George is smarter than most of you”? Really? What planet are you from? (Oh, yeah … Texas.)
And speaking of smarts, you would do well to learn the difference between its and it’s, your and you’re, and they’re and their. How far along did you get in that great Texas school system we hear so much about? (You can use your fingers if you need to when you answer.)
And do you really believe that Texas is “completely self-suffiecient” [sic]? If so, you are delusional, which I guess sums up the feelings that the rest of the world has of Texans. As Scumpup so aptly put it, they are like cocks crowing atop a dungheap.
If your goal was to remind everyone why (some) Texans can be such arrogant jerks, then consider your mission accomplished, General.
Well, considering California has a larger economy than Texas, consistently beats out Texas in per capita income, logs more patents and new technologies than Texas every year, has a larger agricultural base (larger than Texas and Iowa, the next two, combined), I’m pretty sure that California would do quite well.
And the only thing that Texas is bigger than England or France in is land area. Both have larger economies, larger populations and larger per capita incomes.
You must have Texas and California confused. California is the 5th largest in the world, Texas merely 8th.
Actually, a Texas company was responsible for the blackouts by illegally conspiring to cause power shortages so they could drive the price up. And then the same Texas company stole its employees retirement funds, cooked the books and screwed everyone.
Yay for Texas.
See, there’s the rub…it’s not the heat OR humidity so much as the transients that kill. All that goin from 65F 0% humidity to 95F 100% and back again from the house, to the car, to the mall, to the car, to the office, to the car, to the home.
I dunno why texans even BOTHER to buy towels. 
And NOTHING it more interesting that driving a beat up farm truck 200 miles with bald tires and no AC from one podunk Texas town to ANOTHER podunk Texas town.
Now, I WILL say you have some interesting wildlife immigrating from centreal America. I used a half a can of RAID on a spider on said farm truck…it just gave me the finger and went back to sleep.
Don’t get me started on fire ants.
And that whole keep food off the kitchen counter 'cause it’s not sanitary based on the cockroaches taking up residence in the kitchen? Savages.
I’ve gotta say that Houston was a clean, friendly, cosmopolitan city…balanced nicely by Hempstead - a backwards berg stuck in about 1952…the ‘Coloreds Only’ entrance on the side of the store is still fading in the sun. There are parts of the state that sill have some serious race issues.
Not all my exes live in Texas…just the scariest most bi-polar one.
I’m from Texas. I’m 34 and I’ve spent 29 years here. Uncle Sam sent me to Germany and New Mexico for the other 5. The General most definitely does not speak for me. It would take a miracle to get me to live elsewhere (and I’m an atheist). Having said that, I think it’s stupid to insult others because of where they live or were born.
This guy reminds me of a soldier I knew in Germany. He would get drunk and insult Germans because Texas is bigger and better than their counrty. Is it any wonder so many outside the US think Americans are assholes? Thankfully, not many dumbass Texans like The General have made a spectacle of themselves in Germany. They always thought it was interesting when I told them that’s where I’m from.
General- Those of us who are satisfied with the size of our penises wish people like you would shut the hell up.
I think (or at least I hope) the General may be yanking our collective chains a bit here. I mean John Wayne? He was from Iowa by the way.
It’s easy to see a place like Texas in terms of stereotypes. And recent statistics showing the poor state of Texas schools, the staggering number of executions and the air quality there don’t help. Throw Dubya on top of all that and you’ve got a place that’s easy for outsiders to dismiss.
I try to see the positive too, though. Robert Rauschenberg is from Texas. That alone is a pretty cool thing. Renee Zellweger too. I’ve heard great things about Austin.
Anybody else care to add to the list?
Hi. My name is Metacom, and I’ve been a Texan for 7 months. The General does not speak for me.
Are there any Texans here who The General speaks for?
Congratulations, General. Someone will be along to help you shortly.
But my point in posting was that I hardly think you, as a Texan, get to brag about your driving abilities. Fast lane? Pshaw. And if I spinkle a little water or ice in the mix, the whole state calls in sick like a bunch of tittering mice in a room full of rocking chairs.
Jobs and a low cost of living!
I moved from an LA suburb to a Dallas suburb. My rent alone is half of what it was, for a bigger apartment. The weather is worse, but the climate controls are better. There aren’t any ocean beaches, but we have plenty of lakes to play in. We got all the standard stuff you’d expect in a big city: museums, music, etc. Like just about any major metropolitan area, there’s a plenty of political, religious, etc…, diversity.
Now that I’ve lived here a bit, I think the state motto should be: “Texas–it’s not as bad as you think, and it’s cheap!”
Well that’s good. Having never been to Texas, this Albertan can’t tell if The General’s endorsements are satire or not.
Ha! I like this thread. Born in Texas, and I’ve spent more time here than anywhere else, but I have lived a lot of places. I take the same attitude towards Texas as a lot of folks in Austin do. It’s a really great place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there. We like our fellow Texans a lot, but we’re also glad that we have their University and Capital. Makes us feel a lot more comfortable. We also feel kind of safe here, because EVERYTHING in Austin is shocking to a large percentage of Texans from more Rural areas. Other big cities in Texas (Dallas and Houston, I’m looking in your direction) are great places to be hit with a car and shot. Everyone in Dallas sells real estate. My dad worked for General Electric for years in Dallas, and you know what they had him doing? Selling and buying real estate. On a particularly humid day in Houston, you can drown while walking down the sidewalk at the same time as billions of huge mosquitoes suck all of your precious bodily fluids away. Don’t worry, a monstrous cockroach will arrive soon to carry your carcass off and feed you to its young. The circle of life, Houston style. Houstonians combat the predatory insects by having subwoofers in their cars that send massive shockwaves several hundred feet in every direction, causing the mosquitoes to explode violently midair at the same time as their spinning chrome hubcaps blind cockroaches before the whirling blades of death take them out for good.
All kidding aside, I really miss the politeness once I leave the state. Little things - drivers don’t wave to each other in thanks when allowed to merge, people don’t say thank you as often for whatever. It really does make you feel better about a place when everyone goes out of their way to show a little gratitude during their everyday interactions.
Texans also have a great sense of humor, and are very likely to feel comfortable just talking to someone. This totally freaks visiting Northerners out, and it’s hilarious! Austin is also the coolest for several hundred miles around. Out of the entire country, I’d say our contenders are really only NYC, Seatlle and San Francisco. Nearly every day I do or see something that makes think how glad I am to live here. That’s a really great feature to have in a place you live.
LC
I live in Houston now, but I grew up mostly in a relatively small town 50 miles to the south. For a sampling of Texans who claim this (or something like it), check out this thread.
And how about a cite on your claim that 50% of Texans own guns, and 1/3 carry guns, General?
Are you really that ignorant? You trust a man’s political enemies to form your opinions, and you have the bouncing brass balls to claim that it’s reliable? You seem to have missed the difference between oratory skills and mental capacity.
Thanks to the wonder of public records, anyone with a little time on their hands can find out Bush’s IQ. Which is 147, with a 5 point margin of error. The technical limit at which a person is called a genius is 130. Deal with it, beeyotch.
Unfortunately, I have yet to find a website that carries this sort of public record. I had to go to City Hall.
And most of my typos are the result of an old keyboard combined with thick fingers, and mistakes with homonyms (sp?) are because I type too quickly when I’m responding to morons. My apologies for hastiness, you over-inflated bag of ass-gas.
Yes, despite your whining, Texas is among the few states that exports more than we import. California has been lighting their cities with Texas electricity and running their cars on Texas oil for decades. Your economy is the result of two things: Government grants to bail you out of the sh-- you got yourselves into, and creative accounting practices. Weed sales don’t count, because you can’t tax it.
Maybe if you weren’t so busy being a wise-ass, you would have known that ex-Gov. Davis wanted the fed. to force Texas to give Califonia electricity for free. That’s right, we’re doing well enough that your “super state” wanted some of our juice, and was too stupid to realize that you have tyo pay for power.
As for your attempt at wise ass remarks about my chosen login, you would have seen the reason if you had checked my public info. Click the little button by where it says “The General.”
That’s right, I study military history. I focus on the Roman armies, because I find that era the most interesting. Next time, try thinking before you type, and try to find something better to critisize than literary skills. I, for example, have told you why you are wrong, while you have done nothing more than nit-pick minor errors and repeat lies you heard on the news.
Now shut up while I go get lunch. I’ll be back in about half an hour to continue telling you why you should not contribute to the gene pool.
PS: I agree that most Texans can’t drive in rain or snow. That’s because central Texas gets snow about twice a decade, and *maybe * six inches of rain a year. We’re used to dry roads. But you try driving in a dust storm. That’s tough too.
The people in the panhandle can deal with snow pretty well, but the rest of the state really can’t. It’s all about practice. I say I’m a good driver because I can actually deal with ice, despite the fact that I haven’t had the practice you northerners have had.
I still think that mankind wasn’t meant to live in a place where water (which makes up most of you) freezes. Think about it. Water freezes. You’re made of water.
Now then, if you are done bitching, maybe you could stay on topic. This thread is about Teas myths. If you have questions about other state myths, post and I’m sure someone will answer.
Once again, sorry for the typos. I need a new keyboard.
General–
I was with you in your OP and thought it was quite funny, good natured, and a good start to a thread.
But your subsequent responses have caused me to change my mind: you come across quite unfavorably, seeming sincere in your ridiculous bragging and in your gratuitous insults.
I’m a native Texan, lived there for 20 years, and you don’t speak for me, nor for my many friends and family members who still call Texas home.
In addition, I wanted to let you know that your comments about Austin are way off base. In point of fact, Austin is far and away the most fun, exciting, and politically sane city in the state. I suppose you’re another Dubya fan who doesn’t have any problems with his seemingly endless string of self-serving, short-sighted, big-business-oriented policies that seem intended to weaken education, destroy the environment, increase the number of poor, and isolate the US from the rest of the world, effectively ruining our country’s (and state’s) reputation for perhaps decades.
I knew Dubya was bad from early in his political career, the first lesson being driven home when he decided to make established pollution controls ‘optional’ for petrochemical companies. Guess which state now has several cities at the very top of the list for worst air quality?
In short, PLEASE don’t cite Dubya as a representative Texan, and please don’t pretend that your homophobic, right wing extremism is condoned by the rest of us.
Pablito
This is a joke, right?
Your assumption that the per capita income of Texas is less than France and the UK (yes you did say England but I will assume you meant UK) is incorrect. Texas has a higher per capita income of both nations. Both France and the UK has a Per Capita income of about 25,000 while Texas’ was well over 28,000. Texas and France and the UK.