A few tables over, I noticed a couple that appeared to be on their first date. You know there are always those little things that give it away.
My wife however said that they couldn’t be on a first day since one of the two was periodically texting. For the record, we were not focusing solely on this couple but they were one table diagonally across from us and one couldn’t help but notice.
ANYway, I conjectured that in these times, texting is so thoroughly second nature that first date, last date and all the ones in between makes no difference.
So now I turn here. My two-fold question: Is it a big deal to text on a first date and what would you do if your companion were doing so?
Obviously we’re not talking about texting to the extent of ignoring one’s dinner companion but the occasional glancing down, typing out and sending message to god knows who.
I’ll start with my take in that if my companion were texting on the first date, there most assuredly wouldn’t be a second.
I wouldn’t care, as long as it wasn’t constant or time-consuming…like no writing of emails. A quick reply? Who cares. I do it myself. If my friends texted “How’s the date going??” I would dash off a reply. Hell, if it was going really badly I’d text “Call me with an emergency in five minutes!”
It would be a dealbreaker for me.
But then again, I would think poorly of someone who answered a call, unless they have kids and it could be an emergency.
It basically tells the person you’re with that they are not interesting enough to keep your attention.
So someone who texted on the first date would not get a second.
Would I make an exception for someone who had a quasi-emergency like childcare needs or being on-call for work? Perhaps. Especially if I knew when we made plans for dinner that the divided attention thing was likely.
But while in theory I’d be willing to learn to text if a prospective long term partner wanted to use it to communicate with me–because that’s their preferred form of communication–a first date should be about getting to know each other, and one of my preferences is no texting and limited interrruptions.
Uh . . . what about work? You don’t like dating people that have jobs with responsibilities where people are seeking their input?
One thing to keep in mind in this thread: The OP said “texting” (which implies a social or fun activity) but the actual action the OP witnessed could have been “emailing” (which could be for work).
It would be a dealbreaker. Also, if they took a call or checked an email or any of those things.
Unless they have some kind of babysitter issue or work emergency, talking/checking/texting when you are spending time with someone else is just plain rude.
I know I’m a square, but I never understood when it became okay to be on your goddamn phone all the time. I think it’s extremely rude.
If someone texted, twittered, or whatever the hell else you do with some doodad on a first date with me, he would be wearing it internally before I left to find a cab to get home. (If he was a doctor on call, he should answer his phone.) Otherwise, insufferably stupid, self-absorbed, and rude. “Occasionally glancing down, typing out, and sending messages to god knows who” - on a first date??? Dear god, what an asshole!
You don’t know what really happened. What if said “asshole” told his date “sorry, I’m in the middle of a large deal, closing is supposed to be tomorrow, and people need my input on urgent matters. I will have to respond to emails all night, but each email shouldn’t take that long. Thank you for understanding.” Does that change anything for you?
Instant deal breaker for me also. I spend 20 minutes a month talking on my phone a month, and zero texting. Hell in 10 years teenage couples will use texting as a primary source of communication, even when they’re right next to each other.
Ever seen Idiocrasy? That will be us in 30 years, forget 200.
Honestly, I’d probably say “Do you want to do this another time?” And if it happens that next time, we’re done.
Anyone who wears a blackberry leash isn’t for me. I admire their ambition and all, but all work and no play makes Johnny a dull, duuuuuuuuuulllllllllll toy.
I suspect this is a generational thing; I’m 43, and talking on cellphones/texting while I’m on a date would be a dealbreaker for me. Probably for my husband, too (and he concurs). I’m not planning on dating any teeny-agers any time soon, though.
If I’m on a date and I get a communication, unless I have reason to believe it’s an emergency, then whoever it is can just leave a message and wait until the date is over or tomorrow. If my phone rings/warbles/beeps, I will look at it just long enough to decide if I have reason to believe it’s an emergency, before silencing it and putting it away. Heck, even if I’m just at a party with a group of friends and no date, I’ll still probably just silence it, or at most I’ll answer for long enough to say “Hey, I’m at a party, can I call you back later?”.
Why are you scheduling a date during working hours?
This is where we say, “Sorry, but she’s just not that into you,” right? :eek:
Better be something pretty goddamned important to be texting or making calls on the first freaking date, and if there were too many, then yeah, it’s obviously way more important than a date, bye bye.
