A person who is wrong on the internet must be dealt with. That’s just how it works. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.
(And cue relevant xkcd comic)
Recreational texting in a middle of date tells me one of several things, none of which are positive indicators of compatiblity with me:
- You are addicted to social networking and/or phones/Blackberry devices.
- You don’t understand social graces. A date is supposed to be time spent between you and your date, not you and 20 of your closest Facebook friends in addition to your date. If you don’t understand this fundamental thing, there’s a lot of more you probably don’t understand, and I don’t have the patience to be your teacher.
- You’re a self-absorbed person.
- You are an insecure person who needs the constant presence of “friends” to make you feel comfortable.
- You are an insecure person who feels the need to show off how connected and popular you are. Like those guys back in the 90’s who bragged about having pagers. This is the type of person I’ve encountered the most.
- You are unable to relate to me comfortably face-to-face because you are bored or intimidated by me or something else I’m not going to have the patience to puzzle out, so you distract yourself by playing with your phone.
The lulz, they keep coming!
If you have to… have to be available by pager 24x7, regardless of what position you have or how much money you make, you’re not in charge. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who has to jump when someone else says ‘frog’ three time zones away. They don’t have control of their lives and they aren’t going to be contributing much quality time to the relationship.
Lots of people work in service industries (accountants, lawyers, investment bankers, etc.) where they make money by making clients happy. Some of those people choose to be incredibly responsive to client’s needs (mainly because of the other folks that don’t choose to do so). So, if you choose to only date the independently wealthy who do not choose to have clients to whom they must be responsive, then that’s all fine and good. But acting like these people are losers because they aren’t “in charge” is fairly ridiculous.
Jealousy doesn’t become you, dude. It’s been explained over and over that what you are saying is a mischaracterization and yet you persist. I can only conclude that your ignorance is willful.
Meh … I’m an executive manager for a large public corporation in the plant and operations department. I am on call 24/7, but if by chance or design, I am unavailable, occupied, off the grid, etc. There are those that can manage fine without my constant supervision. I can catch up and deal with whatever situations arisewhen I’m back in the office or have some free time not in the middle of a date.
I’m not saying anything is wrong with you for working at your career but the OP asked about texting on a first date.
If you’re single and have had alot of first dates and not many second ones, you may want to rethink this behaviour while dating. In my experience, one thing all women crave is attention. If you are honestly interested in dating, relationships or even just getting laid, put the e-mail and texting on hold for a couple hours while you are out with someone.
I guess it depends on your priorities but I would assume that when someone is going out on dates that thay are actually looking for a relationship, marriage, and/or family for their life outside of work. So why would you bring your work along with you?
Hey, I have long-term responsiblities at work to my employer as well as my employees, colleagues, contractors, etc. but I have longer commitments to my wife and 3 kids.
The great thing about dating is you only need to succeed at it once!
Along those lines Sparky, I should note that my last first date was over 10 years ago, and I hope to god I never go on another one. So, I suppose I coiuld feel differently about all this if I were actually in dating mode.
This criminal defense attorney thinks you’re both a couple of jackasses. 
Real lawyers actually see the inside of a courtroom every so often. 
Oh, and the texting? Totally rude. That’s what bathrooms are for. Excuse yourself briefly and respond to any emergency texts. Don’t do it at the table, that’s obnoxious.
I’m not really into the idea of “best foot forward” for first dates. I’d prefer “start as you mean to go along.”
I don’t require that someone focus all of their attention on me. I’m not that interesting. If it’s someone I hope to see more of, my real interest is seeing how I fit into their life as it is, not in seeing what artificial constructs can make me feel really important at first.
I just don’t mind if the person I’m with has and shows that they have a life and interests outside of the time they spend with me. That includes sending or receiving texts or phone calls or checking the score of the game or whatever. Paying zero attention to me is uncool, but I don’t expect to date in a bubble.
You With the Face has it right.
All these, “Ya, but what if …?” sound like elementary school. If your job requires you to carry an electronic leash, then you make this known beforehand, i.e. "there’s this big deal pending / I am on-call, and … " so that your date / SO knows going in that you’re tied to your cell. It would be mannerly to offer to reschedule the date because of the electronic leash and the probably of your being tugged to respond to calls or texts or whatever.
I don’t know how many times I have being included in LOUD CELL PHONE CONVERSATIONS while in public (on a bus, in a restaurant, for example) and I am here to tell you that 95% of the LOUD CONVERSATIONS are just filling in time.
The most mannerly man I have ever met is a software engineer. When he answers his cell, you can’t hear what he has to say when you are across the table from him. It is obvious he is saying something like, “Not now, I’m occupied” and the call is done with. If he has to take an important call he excuses himself and is back within a very short time, to apologize and let you know if there is likely to be another interruption.
His cell, in other words, is not the third party at the table (or wherever). I see him as an example for everyone else to emulate!
an seanchai
Well, one would assume that someone is on their best behavior on a first date. That’s certainly true for the vast majority of people. If they can’t manage to keep from talking on the phone and checking the score the very first time we go out, chances are I’m going to be a real low priority for them once things actually get comfortable. That would be a huge red flag for me.
I agree someone should have more interests in their life than just me. However, if they can’t make me a priority for a couple of hours the first time we go out, I’d have no interest in seeing them again. Wouldn’t want to put them out or anything.
As “customers” of the system? I could get behind that initiative
I have no expectation of such, as I already said.
That’s exactly what I do. If I have to take the call, I say, “just a minute” and then head outside to continue the conversation. Of course this thread is about texting so I am not sure how this is relevant.
Right, and I’m sure there are a lot of self involved jerks out there that are grateful for your very low expectations. However, wouldn’t you agree that the vast majority of the population tends to be on their best behavior on a first date? If someone didn’t care enough to try to put their best foot forward on a first date, I would assume that they don’t really care whether or not they make a good first impression. Which would mean that they don’t really care whether or not I like them and want to see them again. If they don’t care if I like them and want to see them again, I’d also assume that they don’t like me too much or particularly want to see me again. So why are we on this date, again?
You stay classy there, lezlers.
Was it really necessary for you to be so completely rude to her? I know this might be hard for you to believe, but just because her preferences are different than yours doesn’t make her expectations LOW.
Different people value different things. A lot of faux psychologists (see post #102) in this thread want to pretend that it must be some kind of slight or shortcoming on someone’s part (although certainly never their own) yet it just simply may be different ways of looking at things.
I don’t think **jsgoddess **has low expectations any more than I think you’re a primadonna and/or co-dependent because you need to have 100% of your date’s attention.
Some people want someone who has plenty of time for their relationship and wouldn’t want to date someone who has to be on call. Perfect! There are a lot of those people out there for them. Some people (say hallelujah, I’m one!) would prefer someone who does have a lot of obligations (work or otheriwse) to occupy their time because we don’t want or require a lot of “us time” in a relationship.
Instead of just assuming different strokes and all of that, people want to turn this into some kind of war of social mores or a contest of who has the best relationship attitude.
In short: everyone should get over themselves
What a ridiculous statement! Given the number of people I know who are married or in long-term relationships who constantly say things like, “He/she used to do x, y and z for me when we first started dating – I don’t understand where that went,” I’d much rather date someone who was being themselves so that I can judge them on who they actually are, and not some unrealistic ideal they’re trying to hold themselves to. I’d prefer not to be let down later.
If someone says, “Excuse me – I need to check this” or something to that effect, I’m not even remotely going to sweat that. One can take a break from the conversation without being rude about it. Your definition of “self-involved jerk” lacks a bit of realism, me thinks.
Well sure, you’re going to argue. It’s you she’s insulting!