… for being the four billionth person to crinkle your nose and interrupt me while I’m trying to make seven drinks at once, so that you can sagely inform me, “You guys have ants.”
No! Really?? Stop the fucking presses! The construction outside has been going on for a month, we’ve recently had a couple of half-hearted drizzles that us SoCalers call “rain,” and I have just spent seven and a half Godsdamned hours watching the little fuckers wander back and forth, while I am powerless to do anything because we can’t use Raid, and hot water and cleaners do almost exactly JACK to seven decimal places!
takes a deep breath after the day’s longest sentence Yes! I know we have ants! No, there is nothing I can do about it! No, there are none in your drink! (yet) Thank you for your wise concern, now leave me the hell alone and let me do my cursed, ass-nibbling, gerbil-felching shitty job!
(Viewers will please excuse the poor quality of this rant, as I have just returned home from a long ant-filled day and I have only a few hours to sleep before I go back for another eight hours and four billion keenly observant customers.)
I’m a tall guy. I drive an electric forklift in which the driver has to stand. My head just brushes the head-guard or “roof” of it. This isn’t a problem for me at all. Well it wouldn’t be, except for guys who say, “Hey, they need to get a bigger forklift for you! Hohoho hahaha hehe”. Man that is hilarious.
I’VE HEARD IT EVERY SINGLE SODDING DAY FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS!!!
Aah, but no. The joke (if you can call it that) is new to them. If I snap at them, I’m suddenly a rude bastard who is uptight about his physical appearance. I’m not (uptight about my physical appearance, that is. I am a rude bastard sometimes). I have to nod and smile like an idiot, and commend them on their wit.
FUCK! I know how people with names like “Glasscock” feel.
If the customer seems in a good mood, say something equally stupid like;
“Yeah, but they don’t drink very much.” or
“It’s the uncles you really have to worry about.” or
“Shhhh! Keep your voice down or everyone will want some.” or
“Yep, had to grease a few palms down in city hall for the zoning board to let us have these little babies.”
Heh heh … I’m so sleepy this morning it actually took me a second to get that ant-tracks joke. That’s a good one. [insert reference to spewing cheap TV-Dinner onto monitor here]
And thanks, Abe, I’m gonna try those responses out today! I might also try, “Yeah, but we can’t kill them. African fire ants are on the endangered species list, you know.”