Hey, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you sign some of your posts with my name. That way it looks like I’m actually contributing something and you won’t be accused of talking too much. You could just say, “It’s not me, it’s that Steve McQwark guy.” A win-win.
- We just had hot dogs for supper and the answer is: neither. I ate them plain.
- I put it on over, but if someone else put it on under I wouldn’t complain. I’d just be so thrilled that someone besides me replaced the toilet paper.
- This is a trick question. The only appropriate way to eat corn on the cob is across whilst making typewriter noises.
That’s clearly my job.
We’ll get along just fine.
ETA: Your use of “whilst” leads me to believe you are in the UK.
Did you forget Steve Urkel?
We would all like to forget Steve Urkel, thankyouverymuch.
<panicked whisper> Sssst! Don’t bring out The Questionnaire yet! We don’t want to scare them away!
Does it help if I say that I don’t know who Steve Urkel is?
Nope. Central US my whole life. I’m just a fan of British humor* and some of them foreign words have slipped into my vocabulary.
*Note the lack of superfluous u’s.
OK. But I also noticed the use of a superfluous apostrophe.
I believe that’s allowed as long as it isn’t taking the place of a superfluous third nipple.
Your posting privileges are revoked until you do some homework. Not just Wikipedia…YouTube too.
I can do this cuz I’m a Charter Member.
Also - Welcome Steve! I like your wishy-washy (plain hot dogs, not complaining about toilet paper) ways!
Your life is probably richer for not knowing who he is.
Mmmf mr mfrrrnf
ka-ching
:: rattle rattle ::
<gasp> There. I just renewed my subscription. I can post again. (It slipped my mind in the seething chaos of the past few months.) 
(Though I lost the ‘Charter Member’ designation, which was only for members who signed up for pay membership when the board’s went pay, and kept it up continuously… :: snif :: )
I’d have to agree with this. Once you know, you can never un-know.
Well I am just the guest. Treat me like you would if I came to your house. I demand breakfast in bed and giant T.V. in the guest suite.
“Supper” was the middle-US giveaway, although maybe other parts of the world use it, too. Anyway, welcome!
What is the sound of one Steve Urkel falling in the forest if there is no one to hear it?
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…
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I don’t even know why I typed this. Maybe Tequila?
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That’s wots on my face, right now!
Nice post, Steve. Welcome to the Dope, and I look forward to chatting with you from time to time. You have to be wary of traps like the one below, though.
I’m going to defuse your shameless nefarious trap by providing the correct answers, which of course have been known to all civilized peoples for a very long time.
- With hot dogs – and only with hot dogs – basic yellow mustard. Period. No debate. In my house, that’s after you’ve slathered on the balsamic onions.
With everything else on earth that requires mustard, Dijon only.
Ketchup must be good for something because I go through a bottle of it about every year or so, though I’m damned if I can remember what anyone would ever use it for. A bottle of ketchup around here lasts almost as long as yellow mustard.
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Toilet paper of course must be installed such that the action of pulling it out tends to lift the roll and lessen the rolling friction rather than doing the opposite. Therefore, over, so that it pulls out and up from underneath. Anything else betrays the kind of doofus whose witless lack of analytical thinking has probably given him an abysmal driving record, mostly full of fender-benders, for which he blames bad luck and Asian drivers. No, it’s you. Look at how you installed the toilet paper.
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It’s corn on the cob, not a harmonica. But if you want to do your impression of Dylan’s “Desolation Row”, knock yourself out. I’m just gonna eat my corn.