well, dwc, I woulda done that had I been on my desktop. I’ve yet to figure out how to insert that sort of thing with my laptop, aside from going to character map and manually choosing letters to copy. (sorry, I was too lazy for that at the time)… oh, or I’ve since discovered that I could have used on-screen keyboard. but here’s to hoping that I’ll soon figure out why I’m having the problem and quit having it!
Uh oh … speaking of ‘coming out wrong’ … I’d SWEAR I typed an elaborate and detailed story, that fit the thread here, and posted it … but it’s not showing up here! Og forbid I somehow cross posted it into a “sorry for your loss” thread I was reading!!!
About 2 years ago, I went into the school bathroom and saw my friend trying to wash something out of her pants. I asked what happened and she told me that she had spilt some kind of salad dressing on herself during lunch. Later that day, I saw her in class and couldn’t remember exactly what she had told she spilt so my question to her came out as " So, did you get that shit out of your pants?" Her trying to explain it to others by starting her sentence with " I was in the bathroom and…" didn’t exactly help either.
I was setting up an easel outdoors with an art class on UNM once and when I was done I noticed I had a screw left over. I saw a man in the class looking a little confused about how to put up his easel so I held out my hand with the screw in it and innocently asked “Do you wanna screw?”
Of course as soon as I’d uttered those words I realized what I had said. A friend of mine who was standing near me just laughed and said “It’s a Freudian day, isn’t it?”
And the man wasn’t interested.
I used to work in a 7-Eleven. We sold hot dogs and when we handle them for the customers, we had to wear disposable plastic gloves. So one day my younger brother comes in, and he asks for the hot dog special, so I’m like, “Do you want it in a box?” and he goes “No I’m just gonna eat it right away.” So he walks away to grab his Big Gulp, and I go to get gloves. This is in a store full of customers waiting to be served, mind you, so I was quite aware that I was to follow all health codes. But then I thought to myself, “why waste a pair of gloves?” So, trying to excuse my laziness and frugalness, and seeing as how he was my brother and all, I yelled to him across the store: “Ah, I’m your sister so I’m allowed to touch your weiner!”
The whole store went silent and I turned around and almost fell over after realizing what I had said. My little brother never came back to the store after that while I was working! All the customers just had to smile and I am sure they all went home with a good story to go with their Super Big Gulps!
(If this shows up twice you are allowed to laugh twice as hard!)
I used to work in a 7-Eleven and we sold hot dogs from behind the counter. When we handle them for the customer we have to follow all health codes and wear disposable plastic gloves.
So one day my younger brother comes in and asks for a hot dog. I ask him, “Do you want that in a box?” and he says, “No, I am just going to eat it right away anyway.” So I go to get the dog as he walks away to get himself a Super Big Gulp. I think to myself “Why waste a pair of gloves?” and it didn’t help that I had a line of customers waiting to be served, so I yelled to my brother, “Hey, I’m your sister so I can touch your weiner!”
The whole store went silent and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. My little brother never came back to the store again while I was working!!!
(If this shows up twice you are allowed to laugh twice as hard!)
I used to work in a 7-Eleven and we sold hot dogs from behind the counter. When we handle them for the customer we have to follow all health codes and wear disposable plastic gloves.
So one day my younger brother comes in and asks for a hot dog. I ask him, “Do you want that in a box?” and he says, “No, I am just going to eat it right away anyway.” So I go to get the dog as he walks away to get himself a Super Big Gulp. I think to myself “Why waste a pair of gloves?” and it didn’t help that I had a line of customers waiting to be served, so I yelled to my brother, “Hey, I’m your sister so I’m allowed to touch your weiner!”
The whole store went silent and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing after it started. My little brother never came back to the store again while I was working!!!
Two stories:
(1) My sister has been a waitress forever. One time a table wanted to order the potato skin appetizer, and they asked her how many skins came with it. She answered, “You get FOUR skins with that.”
(2) In the summer I sell my handmade jewelry and flowing fringed tunics (sewn from sarongs) at music festivals. I keep a full-length mirror in my booth, because customers often doubt that the tunics will fit/look good on them. It took a few summers for me to break the habit of encouraging customers to try on a tunic they were looking at and check themselves out in the mirror “to see how it hangs.”
First story: I’m the features editor at a newspaper, which means from time to time I have to put together food pages. Since July was national Hot Dog Month, I did a page on hot dogs-- history, how they’re made, recipes, etc. Around the office we call such thing a feature package, or a ‘package’, for short. After I got done building the page, I printed it out. I was pretty proud of my work, so I took it over to my managing editor and a staff writer—both female-- who were having lunch. I walk up and say, “Hey! Check out my big package!” As the words are leaving my mouth, I realized how this sounded, so I sputter, “I mean, check out my hot dog package.” At which point we all burst into insane laughter.
Second story*: This one didn’t involve me, but a couple of friends of mine were asked by a teacher in high school to help him get some text books out of a storage closet. The three of them went to the area, and the teacher said, “Okay, Tom, you bend over and let Rich load you up.” Now Tom’s always been fast with the wit and said, “Mr. Hand, I like Rich and all, but there’s no way in hell he’s loading anything on me while I’m bent over.”
*Names have been changed
Happy
Here’s one that’s NOT sexual.
Background: Gunslinger and I are a couple. Both of us were single throughout high school, and got together about three years ago after meeting on the boards. The key part is being single through highschool - we met the fall after he graduated.
He has a younger brother who was 12 the last time I saw him, and who is now 14 and a high school freshman. Two years ago, most of my friends at school were freshmen! And now I feel old.
So today I realized the little brother’s age, and said to Gun “Oh my gosh, he’s growing up so fast! Next thing you know he’s gonna be asking girls to prom, and going on dates, and having girlfriends… well, not if he takes after you.”
I so didn’t mean that as evilly as it sounded!
My aunt has worked in the same restaurant for years. Some of her best regulars are a group of firemen who come in every week or so. She has a huge crush on one of them and gets extremely flustered when he’s around. He tends to flirt with her when she comes in, which only makes her more nervous. We’ll call him B.
The last time they came in, she brought out the check and set it in front of the nearest fireman. He jokingly said to her “Oh, that doesn’t go here. That goes in front of B!” Aunt says “Oh, ok!” and proceeds to walk around the table to move the check. Trying to act calm and collected, she turns to B with wide eyes and a huge smile and says “You can put it wherever you want!”
Everyone erupts in laughter and my poor aunt is standing there stammering “Ok then… have a nice day.” She’s never gonna live it down 
I have a horrendous case of foot in mouth syndrome…
1.) Working in a video store on a busy Friday night, long line of customers… One man rented 4 or 5 movies, paid and then I ask, “Need a bag tonight?” He says, completely straightfaced, “No thanks, I’ve already got one at home making dinner.” Everyone within earshot laughed.
I now say sack instead of bag…
2.) Working in a seafood restaurant as a server, I get a table of four very goodlooking men. I, being the suave, sophisticated woman than I am, say as I approach the table, “Welcome to Led Robster, my name is Jay and I’ll be your server tonight.”
I wanted to crawl under a rock at that point but the guys were great about it. They ended up being one of my best tables of the night, left a substantial tip and two of them even left their phone numbers.
Now, my co-workers on the other hand, never let me live it down…
Hmm. This was quite a few years ago …
I was working in the print room at my first job, and talking to a young Maori woman with fairly dark skin. I suddenly noticed that she had a big smear of ink on her face, and blurted out, “You’re black!”
I immediately realised what I’d said, but it was too late to correct myself before she very gently said that yes, she knew that …
I work in a legal office. New guy brings in a very large file…I absent mindedly commented on what a large package he had…very poor choice of words indeed.
After four years of lurking here, I registered so I could relate to you this incident that took place nearly ten years ago.
Place: The Lecture Theatre at the Victoria Conference Center
(picture): http://victoriaconference.com/photos/photos_lecture_one.html
Event: Victoria Computer Show, Demonstration of CorelDraw software
Crowd: about 200 people–mostly men in their 30s
A young woman in her 20s was on stage demonstrating the new features of CorelDraw, including one that placed images (triangles, Christmas trees, in this case beachballs) on the screen with machine-gun rapidity when the mouse button was held down.
She said, and I quote:
“…and with this, you can spray your balls all over the screen.”
this was followed by a full second of dead silence–then the hall erupted in wall-shaking laughter for a long time. I saw the poor presenter’s face go beet red from my seat ten rows up.
BWAHAHAHA!!!
::whew:: Mine’s not quite as funny.
My husband and I go to eat lunch pretty often with my oldest son at his school. There is a maintenance guy that we have gotten to be friends with who happens to be black. One day we had our other two sons with and as the maintenance guy came up to make conversation my husband, waving his arm over me and the kids says, “Yeah we have the whole clan here!”
I had to excuse myself to go blow the taco meat out of my sinuses.