Alright, 17 and below we do what I say, with much jaw fracturing involved.
18 and above you guys have made a decent point.
Better than bringing another person into the world. Too many people are born to parents who don’t love them.
In terms of medical care and confidentiality, absolutely. What we don’t have is a direct equivalent of the “right to privacy” legal argument that helped to sustain the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade decision in the United States.
There were a couple of reasons that i made that argument.
Firstly, Australia has far fewer abortion clinic-picketers and other right-wing whack-jobs to make the abortion-seeker’s life miserable. By contrast, the Alan Guttmacher Institute, which focuses on sexual and reproductive health issues, reports that in the United States in the year 2000, 80% of large non-hospital abortion providers were subject to picketing, and in 28% of cases the picketing involved physical contact with patients and/or providers. Further, 14% reported picketing of the homes of staff, and 15% reported bomb threats. From here (warning: pdf file).
This sort of stuff is far, far less common in Australia.
Perhaps more importantly, however, is that despite the legality of abortion in the United States, availability is a key issue. The same AGI report notes that 24% of women in America have to travel more than 50 miles for an abortion, and 8% need to travel more than 100 miles. Furethermore, this report (another pdf) notes that in 2000, 87% of US counties had no abortion provider, including 61% of metropolitan and 97% of nonmetropolitan counties. This leaves 34% of American women aged 15-44 living in a county with no provider at all, including 21% of metro women and 91% of nonmetro women. I don’t have equivalent figures for Australia, but the extremely urban nature of the Australian population, with over 90% of people concentrated in urban areas near the coast, suggests that a smaller percentage of women are potentially affected by this problem. Also, the national health care system, Medicare, also helps to offset the cost of abortion for the woman.
As the report points out, the number of facilities offering abortions has decreased in the US since the beginning of the 1990s. Many opponents of abortion, realizing that the legality of abortion itself makes their task difficult, have taken to persuading cities and counties to change or more rigidly enforce zoning regulations in order to shut abortion providers down or keep them out. State regulations covering the licenses etc. required by abortion providers are also increasingly draconian, including, in some states like South Carolina, giving state inspectors the right to examine patient records, with no concern for confidentiality.
These and other issues are conveniently summarized in an article by Eleanor Bader in the April 2003 issue of Z Magazine. It hasn’t been archived online yet, so i can’t give you a link.
I certainly agree with you here.
kambuckta, it is most emphatically not your place to interfere in this situation. Your son is an adult; the woman in question is an adult; your son spent his money, not yourmoney. Yes, your son made a decision that you don’t agree with, but you have no business becoming involved. As an adult, your son has the right to make his own mistakes. And as for threatening to reveal the details of a confidential and extremely personal medical procedure, shame on you.
There are many reasons why women and girls don’t tell their parents about an abortion. There may be a damn good reason for her not to have told her parents. Though they seem “decent” and “pretty cool,” you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.
Another vote for STAY OUT OF THIS, since they are both legally adults. Presumably she had good reason for not going to her parents about it. I’m not impressed with the boyfriend here, either, but I’m glad that she found somebody reliable to help when he chickened out.
I WOULD go to my mom for help, if not monetary, if something like this happened. But I also know she’s not going to freak out on me if I even considered getting an abortion. I’ve known a lot of parents who would.
I vote for “Huh?”
I opened the thread expecting to read that some kid stomped on your kid’s sand castle. No offense, I think you are way off base, here. Your son gave (let her borrow, whatever) her the money. It’s not your battle to fight, even if you have somehow been dragged into knowing about the situation. The ONLY way this rant would make sense to me would be if your son was mentally impaired and she knowingly took advantage of him.
Did your son escort her to the Medicare office to get her rebate so she could pay him back? Because if he paid the whole fee and she claimed the rebate and he hasn’t got his money, that’s not very nice.
But other than that they are 18, they are legally adults, nobody should be telling anybody anything.
Well, this morning sees me with a slightly more forgiving demeanour, so I’ll clear a couple of issues.
I am definitely not going to tell her parents. She is a smart kid (mostly) and she recieved excellent medical care for her op. On the offchance that there ARE some later complications that need her parents involvement, I’m sure they will be dealt with appropriately. My threats were ‘heat of the moment’ stuff because I just felt that my kid had been taken for a bit of a ride.
But as you all say, that was his choice. He did offer to help her, and he should handle the consequences of that. It is none of my business, but I did have a quiet word with girl-friend late last night about the decency of paying back the money ASAP.!! That now is the end of my involvement.
And on further nocturnal reflection about the ‘decency’ of her folks, I must admit that there have been a few occasions when I have gone WTF? when she has been here in tears over some issue with them, so perhaps she DOES have her reasons for not telling them.
FTR, the girl is 17, but here in Australia, you are able to access confidential medical care from the age of 15 I believe.
I really do hope that this is now the end of her adolescent craziness. Over the last couple of years she has made some very dodgy decisions about leaving school/going back/leaving again, moving out of home/moving back/ moving out again etc etc. As I said, she is full of smarts, and very attractive, and could go a loooong way. She’s brazen (I mean that in a nice way) and people warm to her openness and chattiness on meeting her. All wonderful attributes that could see her incredibly successful in whatever she chooses to do. I just hope they’re better choices than the past ones.
Anyway, thanks everyone for your input…I really appreciate it.
Good luck, I hope everything works out.
That’s an ignorant reaction on your part. If I knew you were going to punch my face in, I wouldn’t tell you anything I knew about your children. In fact, I would be worried for them and I would especially guard their confidences.
Heh. I used to think that too. In fact, I have ribbed my poor kid unmercifully at times over the years wondering just WHY they spent so much time together if there was no ‘romantic’ attraction.
The response I got went along the lines of…“Are you kidding Mum…sheesh…get with the program will ya? She’s crazy enough as just a friend, imagine the trouble she would be as a girlfriend!”
I see his point. 
Agreed. c’mon plain_jane, are you a parent? If my child, whom I’m responsible for until 18, had a medical procedure done where another parent knew I was in the dark about it, I would be pissed. Complications do sometimes arise. I suspect that I would end up on a different side of the coin as World Eater as far as ultimately supporting whatever decision was made (surely after much discussion and thought) even if it did involve abortion. A parent or guardian has an obligation, a duty, and in most cases a vested interest and deep love for their charges.