Oh, great. Now I’ll never get married!
::[sub]slinks away, rejected[/sub]::
Well, spooje, evidently we’re both doomed to a life of solitude.
Fortunately, I wasn’t ever planning on getting married, anyway. 
Living with a SO, maybe, but not marriage.
[sub]of course, 85% of the time the whole idea of sex makes me want to run away screaming “ick ick ick” anyway…[/sub]
I cannot believe that for some people the whole question of whether they’d rather marry a virgin or someone with sexual experience apparently comes down to skill in bed. First, lots of partners doesn’t necessarily translate to skill, and few (or no) partners doesn’t make someone a sexual klutz. Second, IMO it comes down to having a gift for someone who’s special enough to save the gift for. Three times that I know of, I’ve been the person who got that particular gift. Twice, I was happy and flattered. Once, I wish I hadn’t been the person, because I didn’t know that my partner was a virgin until fairly late in the day. I’d rather know, because in my eyes it is a gift.
That said, virginity is not the only gift you can save for someone special. I certainly hope it’s not–when I met the EftSpouse, both of us had racked up the numbers a bit. But since we have some sexual things we share together that we hadn’t done with anyone else, it doesn’t matter.
Somewhere there should be a middle ground. It’s not bad to be a virgin when you get married, and it’s not bad to not be a virgin when you get married. People need to get over it.
The chewing gum analogy is especially disturbing. The idea that, because you’ve had sex out of wedlock, you’re now worthless, used-up garbage that no man should touch is repulsive and dehumanizing. Hello, we’re talking about human beings, not a confection to be used and thrown away when you’re done with it.
Of course, the problem is that lingering Puritanism once again. You know, a woman is first property of her father, then her husband…and isn’t worth a lick of salt on her own. Fortunately, we seem to be moving a little further away from that.
But, of course, if a woman’s not a virgin on her wedding night, how do you know that the child the two of you have nine months later isn’t yours… :rolleyes:
I think the whole thing’s kind of silly. I mean, yes, I am the Last American Virgin ;), but that’s more because I’m too selective and have not yet met a person of any gender with whom I was willing to have sex. I’m not waiting for marriage, I’m waiting for a relationship. Casual sex doesn’t do it for me, but that doesn’t mean I’d hold it against my partner.
Or anyone else, for that matter.
This, of course, should read is yours.
[sub]sigh[/sub]
But, of course, if she IS a virgin on your wedding night, how do you know that the third child the two of you have is yours?
The reason some cultures went to matriarchal inheritances and whatnot is that the only parent you could ever be 100% sure of was the mother - at least prior to the advent of reliable DNA testing.
I just wish we hadn’t both been virgins . . . IMHO, it is VERY helpful when ONE of you has some clue about what’s going on, aside from Tab A into Slot B.
Tisiphone
One: Don’t save it for marriage or for someone in particular. Save it for yourself–do it when you’re ready so it can be fun for you. Do it for no other reason.
Two: Marrying a virgin is not always the best way to go. (Especially if you are really, really, really not a virgin.) My point is that if you spent your time before you were married sleeping around and having a great time, you may start to worry that your virgin spouse will wonder about all the fun he/she missed and act on that after you’re married.
Three: Sex sometimes ruins things. As often as sex brings two people closer together, it pushes them apart. Sex brings up all sorts of nasty emotions ESPECIALLY the first time. I would not want what I went through my first time (with some one I really cared about even) to happen after I had taken vows.
One man I could not bring myself to marry. I was his first and could not bear being his last. (The torture is stronger than you think.)
Sue
When was it ever ‘great’ to be a virgin? They were the ones so often sacrificed, were they not?
Joke made earlier, hon.
Virginity wasn’t and isn’t necessarily critical in a number of societies (and I’ll look it up and prove it if I have to, but I’m at work right now and don’t have my references to hand), but a woman who didn’t have a hymen (for whatever reason) and therefore couldn’t or didn’t produce bloody sheets for the whole town to see was considered a “bad investment” by her husband starting at least in the time of Jacob, I believe. Read the fictional novel The Red Tent for at least one woman’s take on how this change came to be.
Of course, only women had to be virgins. And the stigma still clings today - what’s a non-derisive term for a woman who sleeps around? Not even necessarily sleeps around a lot, just has sexual contact out of marriage?
And what do we call a man who does the same?
This is how I feel about the whole thing: