I have had many people tell me that “virginity is that best thing you can give your spouse.” (actual quote)
Excuse me? That is more importantant than my love and devotion? I guess that participating in a certain physical act makes one tainted and unmarriagable. Perhaps we should go back to publicly dispaying the bloodied wedding sheets…
Sorry for the rather pointless rants, I just hate being told that my sexual experience or lack their of is one of my most important attributes, and one of the only ways one can be desireable as a spouse. I guess I value my heart and mind too much over my body.
What messed up fuck told you that? Sigh. Society is great.
Don’t get me wrong, virgin til marriage is a neat idea…if thats what you want. It shouldn’t be an external choice though. Its a personal deal, but personally I don’t think it should count very high.
“Let’s see, my SO has a good job, great sence of humor, brainier than Feynman, writes well, speaks better and is the hottest person I’ve ever seen. What? They did that! Oh, well then, they are scum and worthless…”
Bah.
[sub] To think of it, personally its a detraction…What do you mean you have no clue what you’re doing? Its all fixable though. [/sub]
At least you can tell your spouse that you are 100% guaranteed certified free of Aids. In some regions of the world that might be really important.(I’m not moralizing here), but I do feel a sense of relief that I got married before Herpes (remember the big Herpes scare?) and Aids came on the scene.
Um, no, it doesn’t guarantee they’re free of AIDS…suppose they had oral sex, or something like that? Or maybe they were an IV drug user?
But really, virginity is vastly overrated.
Wouldn’t it make sense to have sex with someone before you got married? That way you’d know them well. I mean, you have to know someone well to actually marry them. Be in love and all that. And when you’re that intimate, you have sex. Hence, why does it being the “wedding night” suddenly make it the right time? Besides, engagements can go on for awhile…what with preparations and all.
Anyway. If the best thing you can give your spouse is your virginity…good luck. Everyone knows the best thing you can give your spouse (nowadays) is a PS2. (Or a puppy. :))
I, personally, think the idea of virginity until marriage is dumb. Sex is a very important part of an intimate relationship, IMHO, and should be explored before you decide to commit your entire life to that person.
Eww! Let’s not go back THAT far, okay? As a writer and one that has held virginity to a certain measure I just have to say that no, it’s NOT the greatest gift. The greatest gift you can give is yourself. And that’s your whole self. You could lie and say that you were a virgin and perhaps you’d get away with this but you know it’s a small world after all and some shmoe you fucked would probably show up in your life at some point. And what then?
Better to tell the truth and just say. Better to be straight forward and honest and deal with it than lie. Because, really, your lies WILL catch up with you eventually. Hey, yeah, in this modern age it would be sweet to hang on to your virginity until marriage but out of the 200 people I know only ONE of them is still a virgin. And it isn’t about saving it for marriage. It’s because she got fucked with at a young age and is too AFRAID to give herself to anyone now.
She’s not “saving” it. She’s horrified at the whole idea of sex. And no, that’s not a good thing. It’s not the best thing she could give. At her age it’s one of the most difficult, painful and poignant things she could EVER give. And the man it’s bestowed upon better be ready for it. He damn well better be prepared for the very “gift” she is able to give. That’s IF she’s able to ever give it.
Saint Zero – thank you! Not everyone gets married because they “know” they have a killer bed partner. Sex is a learned skill, not an innate one. There are MANY couples that have sex for the first time and it’s damn near disastrous! You LEARN to have good sex together. Just as you LEARN to live in the same house together. Living together is no “road map” to success. In fact, couples who live together have the same rate of divorce as not living together couples (50/50).
Frankly, IMHO there is no way to know if you are “right” for each other than to just discuss everything and then make a go of it. I’ve never done it myself because we never got beyond the “talk about it” phase. They didn’t see my life and I didn’t see their’s. Some day, sure, I might find the “one” and we could make it work but I swear; there would be a hell of a lot of talking about it before hand.
And I DOUBT my or his/her virginity would be and issue.
I’d much rather have an SO who was NOT a virgin (although, I’d prefer she had fewer than 1000 previous partners for reasons of safety)! That magical first time with a new love is MUCH more fun if she has some idea of what she’s doing :)! And you don’t have to worry about hurting her, and making her first time a severe trauma.
I have, in my vast, Don Juan like, experience deflowered a grand total of… wait for it!.. ONE virgin (yes, fully 1/3 of my sexual partners have been virgins! Well… 1/4 if you count that one night, but I’m trying hard to forget that! :rolleyes: ). The one who was a virgin was NOT fun to deflower! I was scared to death of hurting her, and it just would have been a LOT more enjoyable if she hadn’t been a virgin… FTR, though, she got a lot better :)!
I wish I would have stayed a virgin for my future husband, but stuff happens! But any way, I don’t think that is extremely important!
BUT, the best thing about me, which is what this thread is titled, is my boyfriend and my daughter…
I was once told this story:
“Imagine you had a brand new piece of gum of that you wanted to give your husband. It was his favorite kind. But before you did, you let various other people sample it. By the time it reached him, all he had was a disgusting piece of chewed gum. Was that a very nice present for him?”
Interesting this story was only addressed to the girls in the group…
You want to give your husband a new pair of hiking boots. His favorite kind are leather. You buy a pair, and give them to him… he goes hiking in the new boots, but they are stiff and give him multiple blisters all over his feet and ankles. When he comes home, he says (between grimmaces as he pries the boots off his feet) “Thanks, honey. Do we have any H2O2??” Is that a nice present?
Or:
You want to give your husband a new pair of hiking boots. His favorite kind are leather. You buy a pair, and have a friend who has the same size take them out hiking. When you give the boots to your husband, they are soft and well broken in. He goes hiking and loves the way they hug and support his feet! When he comes home, he says, "Thanks, honey! You wanna screw? And can I leave these wonderful boots on while we do?? Is that a nice present?? (The answer I’m looking for is yes, BTW)
While I’m more than willing to break in ANY new pair of boots (if my fiancee would let me, which she won’t, and if any of the new pairs of boot were sexually attracted to me, which they aren’t, dammit!), a pair of boots that are already broken if are MUCH more enjoyable!!
