I am a good person.
The new printer / modem / hard drive / scanner / Windows upgrade / wireless mouse / MS Office Upgrade / monitor, etc … will be completely compatible with your current system. 
(After you spend a good part of your life talking to 17 customer service reps, technicians, etc) ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH !!! :mad:
Oh Noooo! I won’t tell annnyone! Reaalllyy!
“I don’t normally do things like this.”
“Oh, that belongs to a friend of mine.”
“I don’t remember.”
and… “Size doesn’t matter.” There, I said it. 
I told this one to an inmate just this week:
“I’m going to be a couple of hours late returning from my furlough. Is that a problem?”
“No, not a problem at all. Happens all the time. Just get here as soon as you can.”
Well, what was I going to say? “You’re screwed now, buddy. You’ll never get another furlough so you might as well make the most of this one and not come back at all.”
(after a date) “Well, I had fun.”
“I’ll call you.”
“You’ll like him, and I swear he’s cute!”
“This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you.”
“My door is always open.”
“You’re not just a number.”
“It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.” (which is kind of a misquote, anyway)
I promise baby. I won’t let anyone see the pictures.
There’s a possibility that this adjunct position will lead to full-time work.
We value the contributions of our part-time instructors.
(Um, bitter about work? Who, me?)
Ok, the real biggies:
You have an immortal soul and will have some sort of continuing existence after this life.
There is a Creator and a Plan to all of this.
“Bring It On.”
“one more thing”
“You can call me any time, day or night. I swear I’m always willing to talk.”
Nice haircut.
No, your mother was very nice.
If you want to have sex in the middle of the night, wake me up.
Don’t worry about paying me back.
Jesus loves you.
[ul]
[li]The company doesn’t have the money to give you a raise right now. (from your boss)[/li][li]We’ll be over between 1 and 3 pm tomorrow. (from your cable company or your plumber or … you get the idea)[/li][li]It’s a new season. Every team has the same chance of winning it all. (to a Cubs or Rockies fan)[/li][li]What a cute baby! (to any parent with a newborn)[/li][li]I just read the great articles. (from any guy with a Playboy or Penthouse)[/li][li]I will have an open administration. (from every newly elected president)[/li][li]This stock will go through the roof. (from your broker)[/li][li]No, that won’t be on the test. (infamous last words from your prof)[/li][li]Don’t worry about it. You can pay me back anytime. (from a former friend)[/li][/ul]
From your newly appointed boss:
“My door is always open.”
Heh, there’s a website where people send it their dirty pics of ex-girlfriends, I’m sure every single one of the girls there heard that one.
Sorry Mrs. Smith…I didn’t know it was going to blow up like that…<heh>
Hello
Oh, hello, <mother-in-law’s name> – what a pleasant surprise!
“God loves you, and has a wonderful plan for your life!”
Haggis? Can’t get enough of it!