Any story that begins “See what ha’happened wuz…”
Any variation of the above statement also is false.
I’m not one to gossip, but…
This hurts me worse than it hurts you.
All’s fair in love and war.
CITE!
It’s your baby.
I’ll have your child over to play next week.
I’ll call to set up a play date.
(after a funeral) If there is anything I can do for you.
Years ago, I heard an “underground” song by David Alan Coe (I think) that said the three biggest lies were:
This will only hurt for a minute.
I’ll only put the head of it in.
I promise I’ll never try to come in your mouth.
“This is not a sales call”
“This is absolutely 100% legal and not a scam”
“I’ll only be gone for a minute.”
“You know I’d do the same for you.”
“You know I’d normally never ask…”
“I won’t be upset. Seriously.”
“Your employers will look at your grades in high school, and they care about extracarriculars, too.”
“I have nothing against gays.”
Sorry, against board rules to link to sites with dirty pics.
“E-Z Open packaging!”
Yeah, right, I had to get the kitchen scissors.
“I can’t wait until we’re married and can have sex all the time!”
No, honey. You’re just being paranoid. Just because all of your stuff is in storage when we moved into our new flat and I don’t want you to unpack or set up any of your furniture and we seldom if ever have sex anymore doesn’t mean I am planning on breaking up with you. Why would you even think that?
<It lasted 3 weeks from the point where she said that… :smack: >
rriinngg “Hello <Boss>. I don’t feel well today…”
Me to my SO: No, honey, I haven’t been smoking.
If you do not wish to receive further offers from this super great company, please click on this link:…
Community theatre director: Now, I don’t have any preconceived notions about this play. I want you to experiment with your part, have fun, go crazy! I’ll make suggestions, but really, feel free to disregard them and do your own thing! I want this to be as much your character as mine! :rolleyes:
Uhh, it was like that when I got here.
Well, those are better than when a nurse sheepishly comes in the exam room and says “I’m sorry, this is going to hurt”.
It was terrible.
-Trust me, I’m an Engineer
-We’ve gone over the calculations many times.
-The design safety factor is a minimum of 200%
-The worst case scenario in the business case still shows this project still being profitable.
-Our company will remain completely unaffected by the industry wide downturn that is hitting all our competitors and customers.
-(one year later) The layoffs are finished, now it’s time to look forward, put that behind us, and all pitch in with renewed enthusiasm.
-The reported problems are only minor procedural accounting issues. We have obeyed all laws and regulations and are fully cooperating with the authorities. This matter will be cleared up in just a few weeks.
-For your convenience, we have modified our voice-menus. Please listen carefully to the following choices.
-We are experiencing higher than usual call volumes…
-(From a family GP) The multiple spots on the X-ray are probably nothing, but I’m referring you to a cancer specialist anyway, just to be safe. Can you be at the clinic tomorrow morning at 7:30? I havetogonow-bye.
Runs good.
How come nobody ever says “Runs well”?
“Of course I had an orgasm, baby”