It seems you’re a dab hand at what ever you turn your focus on, so I’m just suggesting another string to your bow. It could be a start with your own vehicle and a manual? Then friends’ cars. Just the basics, obviously; service, brakes, tires, paint job etc
Might work? I dunno. Personally I’d love to be able to know about them but I’m not an engineer kind of guy. Then again if I had the time…
When I started my current job three years ago, I walked in with the new training group, considered that I would never have even thought about doing this for a living in better times, saw a very large number of people thinking likewise and said “Yup, the Economy officially sucks”.
As I said in another thread, too many people have their self-worth all wrapped up in what job they are doing and how important they perceive it to be. You are not your job, and your worth as a human isn’t tied to what you do for a living. There are plenty of people working as Janitors or Sales Clerks who I would rather have on the Space Ark with me than all the Executives in the world.
I’ve spend 10 years since I worked as an IT Project Leader. I’ve done a lot of so-called “menial” jobs, sometimes because that was what was there, but overall pretty much by choice. In this time I have seen a lot of damned fine people struggling with depression because they can’t make it. Because the world won’t give them better opportunities for whatever reason. Because they have health issues that preclude keeping some jobs or getting a promotion.
The world isn’t fair. Good people don’t prosper, and the people who do prosper aren’t necessarily good even if it is an underlying part of our cultural psyche to assume that being rich, powerful and successful is the Universe’s way of telling us that we’re good people.
I’m right there with you on the “I don’t do as much”. Hard to when you don’t have the money. Lots of things I would like to do in this world that I cannot, and it is frustrating and depressing to be so limited. All I can say on that is that you are not alone, and it isn’t because there is something wrong with you. It is because there is something wrong with the world right now, and far too many people are being made to suffer so that the few can go on thinking that they’re the reason this world exists.
One of the things I have learned about myself is to reinforce the idea that I can choose what I want to be and do. I can be exhausted as all fuck and tired of the shit and the whole fucking thing. But if I choose to continue, I ultimately have limitless resources when it comes to my ability to persevere. It is only if I make that unfortunate choice to surrender that I will fail, and die.
It bears repeating; The problem is not within you. It isn’t because you are broken, or a bad person, or cursed, or worthless.
It is because an existing pattern in our world is broken and is out of control, grinding up a lot of good people and destroying their security.
Chi - Thanks for the nice words
Monstro - I feel bad posting because, read some of these other ones, death, sickness, unemployment, poverty, etc. Me? I have a crappy job. All my problems are internal. It’s like complaining about my cough to someone who has cancer. I feel like I should be more grateful for what I do have and, there by the grace of God go I, kind of stuff. Looking at my house and my life and I really feel I shouldn’t complain.
Well, you certainly sound in the throes of depression, but your job can’t take up every waking minute of your time, so please try to get some hobbies and interests. I know how soul-sucking a boring job can be. People don’t realize it, they think it’s cake and pie, but it’s not. Start building model cars, or doing jigsaw puzles, or crossword puzzles or baking cakes or anything that you can learn to do well, so you have something for your self-esteem. And talk to your wife about it - she should help you. Start going out every weekend, even if it’s just for a long walk or a long drive, or hell, to the local farmer’s market. Learn to cook new and exciting foods. Seriously, buy a recipe book and once a week, make a delicious new food. You’ll fail. You’ll make bad foods. But you’ll try again and eventually master it.
Buy a cheap bike. Go biking. I mean, there is so much in this world for you to do. Your job is the least of you.
Walk.
I know what that’s like. I feel grateful too. When I hear about unemployed people…or people dealing with chronic pain or debilitating diseases/handicaps…I feel like I have no right to complain about anything. And for a long-ass time, I didn’t. I didn’t go to people with any worries or dilemmas. I just put on a happy mask every day and turned myself into a robot.
Eventually, you go crazy. The mask starts to itch like the dickens.
So now I carve out some time to express myself and put words to feelings instead of constantly telling myself my pain isn’t as bad as someone else’s, so shut the hell up and smile.
If you can’t vent in the Pit, where you gonna go?!
You can’t force yourself to be something you are not. Eventually the gulf between the reality and the lie tears you apart.
Well, the other person may have cancer but that doesn’t mean that having a clogged nose and sore throat and being unable to sleep because of them and feed-din’ dike yu’d a moodn coz yu cain’d efen pdonounce youd on-n name digh’ is fun! (For those who don’t have a Cold-English dictionary: “feeling like you’re a moron because you can’t even pronounce your own name right”)
Anaamika gave good advice, as she often does. I’ve had some jobs where the situation was similar to what you describe; the first time I was living with my coworwers as well as spendig 10-12h/weekday with them (we were on location), it was just soul- and health-crushing, but more recent ones in which I had more control over my off-work situation were much less bad because I learned to be half-asleep while looking awake at work, and this gave me more time to do “my things” off work. May you master that skill soon and also find some off-work things to dedicate all that extra time to!
Someone ripped off most of spouse’s unemployment this week. It’ll take at least a week to receive the claim forms and at least six to eight weeks for processing the claim, which meant the partial rent payment overdrafted our account by over $100, costing us another $35. But at least they covered the check. But we’re still not completely paid up for October. That’ll happen this Friday and then November is due on Tuesday. I moved into this crappy apartment so we could pay the rent on time. Yay.
But hey, spouse just got a job today. At my store. It’s even more part-time than my part-time job. But it gets him out of the house. At least until after the holidays since it’s a temporary position. But you never know, they may keep him on. If he doesn’t actually find a job in the interim in his field. That would be nice. Paying bills on time would be nice.
My daughter just brought home a report card that is much better than the first. I’d like to find a way to reward her efforts at improving her grades and nailing down a solid B average in spite of our recent struggles. Especially since we can’t send her to camp with her class as we just don’t have $175 to spare. 
Sorry, kiddo. I know you want badly to go and you’ve certainly earned it, but it’s just not possible.
I do have my health. knocks wood
Some people have a stick up their collective ass and have been pounding on me with it.
The home improvement store right behind my residential street has workers out at 5 in the freaking morning making as much noise as they possibly can, no doubt violating a city ordinance.
Aunt Flo is in town again.
I can’t focus. I’m at a top-notch public university, on a full ride scholarship, learning about what I’ve always wanted to do for a career, and I’m doing terribly in the majority of my classes. It’s not that I’m not smart enough for these classes, it’s that I can’t concentrate for long enough to study for any of them, so I do terribly on assignments and exams. My major combination makes me unique, so I often sit on discussion panels for groups of new and prospective students and answer questions about university life. My biggest piece of advice: College is hard. Even if you didn’t have to in high school, learn to buckle down and study. I feel like a hypocrite when I give it though, since I’m in my third year here and I haven’t managed to do it. In addition, I’m quickly having to come to terms with the fact that my scholarships are for four years, and my major combination will take at least five.
Nasty cough and a sore (dry) throat since last week, and I talk all day for my job.
Usual money woes that everyone else knows.
Nephew’s 14th birthday. He wants Money. I don’t have any. Going to be a serious issue just paying my own way at the restaurant. Have to tell him I’ll give him something in a couple of weeks when I get paid again, because tomorrow’s paycheck will be a handful of dollars more than the rent.
Cat did apparently got her tail in my razor cord and panicked at 3:45am, running out of the bathroom and dragging it with her, waking me up. Could not get back to sleep. All the little stressors came out to play. Finally just got up and took a shower at 5am.
Going to be a very long day.