Wish granted, you become a Red Giant, only to collapse under your own mass and become a Black Hole…
I wish to be the absolute, uncontested ruler of this and all multiverses, known and unknown and all parallel dimensions thereof
Alakazam! You are now Betelgeuse.
Presto! You are now the master of time, space, and dimension. You still have to clean the mats for the Supreme Grand Master.
I wish for a million ducks.
And to unify wishes: You are now exactly 1/299,792,458 of the distance traveled by light in free space in one second.
Well, I don’t have any ducks, but I just happen to have something just as good…
A Million Bucks!
Yes, a million male deer, all angry, amorous and in a rutting mood… enjoy
I want immortality and eternal Young Adulthood (like eternal youth, but not as annoying)
[What’s it been-about a year since we last did this?]
You get a million of them, dumped out of the hold of a big cargo helicopter-but each one is filled with lead, and you are crushed beneath the weight of 1,000,000 ten pound quackers.
I wish that the next person’s wish is screwed with, and not mine.
I wish John DiFool gets a new car.
Wish granted… it’s new to him, because he got yours.
I wish I could live my life over knowing everything I know now (including winning
lottery numbers), starting at age 20.
Poof! You’re 20 again. Too bad you now have terminal cancer and will be dead within six months.
I wish for whirled peas.
Whirled peas are yours - delightful little green peas, all blended into a smooth concoction and delivered intravenously. Your death is multicolored and horrifying.
I wish for my life and health insurance business to grow steadily over the next few years so that I can consistently make enough money to be comfortable while simultaneously helping people with their coverage.
Nobody likes insurance agents, even if they’re trying to be helpful. You’re buried in claims forms and set on fire by a vengeful client.
I wish I were immune to all STDs and irresistible to one different beautiful woman at a time, when I chose to be.
Too bad you’re not immune to knives. A beautiful psycho stalks you and stabs you to death.
I wish I could do a kip up (that ninja move where you get knocked on your back and pop yourself up into a standing position).
Presto! you have almost that ability, you have the ability to summon a lifetime supply of kippered herring
I don’t want anything…
Wish granted. You want nothing. Unfortunately, you need everything.
I wish I could do force lightning…
Granted…now pack up everthing you own and send it to me
I wish someone would take all MacTech’ junk off my hands
Granted. He has taken his ‘junk’ off your hands, but now he is putting it somewhere else (and enjoying it too).
I still wish I could do force lightning…
Enjoy force lightning, but no one remembers the force thunder that comes afterwards. Enjoy your hearing while you can.
I wish I remembered to post my wish the first time.
You did. But the lack of editing was just the evidence the Council of Crazies needed to conclude you are an infallible robot sent to destroy them. To err is human, after all. You are found in three separate dumpsters the following day.
I wish, I wish I hadn’t killed that fish.
Oh, you haven’t. Too bad that fish is a (now pissed-off) shark.
I wish I slept better at night.
You do. In fact, you are now in a coma and sleep just fine all day, every day, 24/7.
I wish I had a million dollars.
(@ the OP: “You now have tight, flawless skin. The downside is, you’re now a sausage.” :p)
A million dolors?
O-kaaaay… BIF! POW! SNUH!
I wish I was famous for doing something awesome.