Granted, but the following day Mark Chapman is released.
I wish I had a wish that nothing could possibly go wrong with.
Granted. You now have a wish nothing can go wrong with. I’m out, get someone else to grant it.
I wish I could travel through time
Off you go…
one second…
two seconds…
three seconds…
There you are, it’s the future already! And, what’s more, you can do it over and over again!
I wish I hadn’t made the wish I am now making.
I finally won this ####ing game!
Umm…what kind of car is it, Mr. Dewoh?
Kobal2 now has past time travel and murdered you, rather gruesomely and painfully, before you made that wish.
I wish I had a bit torrent client for my phone.
I don’t know what that even means; I’m just a humble genie from the distant past. So instead, I’ll give you a Bit o’ Honey candy, a torrent of hydrochloric acid, a client who’s suing you for malpractice, and a phone. It is a nice phone, at least.
I wish I understood all these whippersnappers’ high-tech talk better.
Granted, but in order to do so your brain was transplanted with that of Wesley Crusher, the despised Mary Sue.
(Two corrupted wishes for the price of one!)
Wish granted. You will now communicate only in tweets and leetspeak.
I wish I could be happier at my job.
Wish granted. You are very happy at work. Unfortunately, your dentist boss fires when she finds out that you used up all of the nitrous oxide.
I wish I could play guitar like Jimi Hendrix…
You can ! Unfortunately, it’s because you’ve been possessed by the ghost of Jimi, who has become a bit unhinged by death. “The Guitar Ghoul” is what they’ll call you.
I wish I could see in infrared.
Granted. “Guitar like Jimi Hendrix”, the game, has now been released by Enix for the PSP. Pick up a copy and enjoy.
I wish I was perfect.
Sorry Der Tris, I jumped the gun.
Please ignore my post above. (Is that a wish?)
Granted. You can now see the infrared spectrum. However, you lost the ability to see the normal spectrum. Everything now looks like vague, greyscale blobs to you.
I wish Angelina Jolie was in love with me.
OK, now she is. Too bad Brad Pitt is such a wealthy and vengeful man, and that Angelina’s dumping him has so utterly unhinged him. The rest of your (short) life is going to be… interesting.
I wish I’d never seen Liquid Sky.
Wish granted. You’ve never seen Liquid Sky. Unfortunately, this is because you were the director. Before its official release, unhappy fans kidnapped you and have been busy torturing you in an unnamed location.
Granted. You are perfect – perfectly delicious! The last few minutes of your life are an agony since it is well-known Isamu is a dish best eaten raw.
I wish I had a solid gold rocket car…
Wish granted, you had solid gold rocket car, it blew up on the launch pad.
I wish I was young and handsome again!
Done. You are now young and handsome again. Very young, in fact, since you’re now a fetus, slowly dying of asphyxiation. But a decidedly handsome one.
I wish everything I touch would turn into gold when I want it to.
If I were the director of that awful, awful film, I would calmly accept any punishment meted out as fully deserved.
Kobal2, everything turns to gold when you want it to. Word gets out, and you’re grabbed by gangsters who, through very direct and unpleasant means, make sure you want to pretty much 24/7.
I wish I could fly.
You can fly, like a fly, that is, LOOK out for that fly-swather, hah, too late, so sad!
I wish all the computer viruses did not exist!
Okay, we just got rid of all the computers in the world. We’ll all go back to writing paper letters, using ledger pads, writing checks, no more video games, etc.
I wish I could become invisible so I could go anywhere I wanted to go, undetected.