The Deadly Sarah Connor Assassination Squad

I’ve gotten two very positive responses to my current sig:

It makes me wonder what other robots’ responses to the situation would be. Suggest your own scenario!

Marvin: Sarah Connor? Not Again! It’s just tooooo depressing. I’ll come back later.
C3PO: Oh, my! Sarah Connor? I am C3PO, and this is my counterpart, R2D2. We’re here to – Oh, dear, this is embarassing – We are supposed to assassinate you. If you don’t mind.

I have a picture in my head of Robbie the Robot chasing Sarah Connor, waving a pistol in his stubby arms, and repeating, “Danger, Sarah Connor! Danger!”

Hm. I think that would be more Robot’s line, from Lost in Space.

ED-209: “I am now authorized to use lethal force.”

huh. Not much of a change there, I guess…

But you mixing “Robot” of Lost in space with Robbie the Robot of Forbidden Planet and Twilight zone appearances.

About K-9 as the assassin. Death by Sonic Screwdriver?

Rosie: Mr. G. said I should rub you out (approaches with a large eraser)

Bender: I was hired by some bad dudes over at Skynet to rub you out, but if you’ve got a little cashola to spare I’ll be willing to just tell them I did it.


“You want me to do what? No way, man. But my buddy Clamps will do it, for the right price.”



Buffybot: I want to hurt you, but I can’t resist the sinister attraction of your curvy and muscular body!

Cybermen: We would be willing to assasinate this "Sarah Connor for you. (Under-breath: And while we have traveled back in time, we will convert all non-organic life)

Skynet: Alright, would these gold coins do for payment? Throws them at the Cyberman, assuming it will catch them. Instead, it hits it’s chestplate.

Cyberman: Noooooooooooo!

Number Five: Number Five disassemble Sarah? Disassemble?!? No! No disassemble!

Considering the target, wouldn’t it be a Willowbot saying that?

Hey, the Buffybot has an AC/DC adapter as standard equipment!

Data: Hello, Sarah Connor. My name is Data, and I have been paid a great deal by Skynet to assassinate you.

Sarah: But I thought you admired humans and wanted to be more like them.

Data: That is true. But betraying one’s friends for money is an extremely human quality. Committing this act will actually help me accomplish my goal.

Sarah: Well, you’ve got a point.

Data: As to the execution itself, I have been studying methods used across the galaxy. The Gulmothans of Altair VII, for instance, enjoy stuffing rocks and dirt down the mouths of their victims until death occurs. The Rimaii of Tau Ceti Delta hang their victims over a pit filled with venomous snakes and coat the rope with a paste that a certain breed of local carnivores enjoy eating; the carnivores come and gnaw at the rope until it breaks, dropping the victim. A particularly nasty …

Sarah: By any chance, were you just going to bore me to death with one of your damn speeches? I think I’d rather go with the snake thing.

Data: As you wish. (taps communicator) Two to beam up!

Sarah: Wait! Wait! I have an even better idea!

Data: (taps communicator) Cancel that!

Sarah: How about you just don’t kill me at all! Double-cross Skynet! If there’s ANYTHING that’s a human behavior, it’s double-crossing someone.

Data: Indeed. You have given me much to think about. Good day.

Growing up, I had a friend who also watched “Buck Rogers” who could do a dead-on Twiki saying, “Bidi bidi bidi. Fuck you, Buck!” Broke me up every time.

“Crush, Kill, Destroy Sarah Conner”
What do you want from a mail order catalog?

Tik-tok: Sa-rah Con-nor? I have been as-signed to kill you.

[nothing happens]

Tik-tok: My clock-work seems to have run down. Please wind me up so I can ac-com-plish the mis-sion.

**Robocop **

  1. Serve the public trust
  2. Protect the innocent
  3. Uphold the law
  4. *Classified * (Kill Sarah Connor)

Berserker : “Sarah Conner. Badlife. Badlifebadlife…”

Bolo : “Despite the Enemy’s frenetic attempts to evade, she perished easily. It took .001 one seconds to aquire target lock, and a single round from one of my infinite repeaters vaporised .77 of her body mass.

‘Sarah Connor vitada nicto’ [sup]*[/sup]

[sup]*[/sup] Yes, I know this was Klaatu’s line (and Gort spoke English, IIRC).