Well, observant Jews don’t embalm, so an open casket would be…unwise in many circumstances. I’ve been to a couple of Catholic wakes, and I have to say, even though I hadn’t met the deceased alive in either case (co-worker’s mothers in both cases), I had no particular urge to see them dead. I didn’t even want to see my own grandparents dead! I’d rather remember them as they were alive, but I think if I saw them dead I’d never be able to erase the image from my mind.
I’m Catholic, not Jewish but I think the Jewish custom is to send food instead of flowers or plants. I suspect most cultures have a custom of family and close friends making sure the mourners don’t have to worry about matters like cooking.
Those are any memorial Mass that’s specifically and completely dedicated to someone who already had a funeral (or a first “memorial Mass” because the body wasn’t available for burial*), as opposed to that first Mass dedicated to that person and to regular Masses where that person’s name is added to the list of deceased the priest names.
So, if I asked a priest to commemorate the anniversary of my father’s death by naming him during the Mass, that’s not a requiem. If I ask him to have a special Mass in memory of my father, who’s been buried since 2000, it would be a requiem. The custom we have in much of Spain where the family goes to Mass for the three days following the funeral so those who weren’t able to can present their respects, not requiems; if each of them was a memorial again, they’d be requiems.
The term comes from “rest”, it’s a Mass being offered “for the eternal rest of the deceased’s soul”. Strictly speaking, the funeral is also a requiem since it is offered for the rest of the deceased’s soul, but I’ve always heard them treated separatedly.
- This can happen for a number of reasons: corpse unretrievable, decease took place in a very distant location from another one where many people knew the deceased (so a Mass is held in this second location), long autopsy/investigation/etc.
In my experience, the wake is open casket and the funeral service is closed.
Attending the wake will be sufficient.
To chime in with Nava regarding “requiem Mass”:
<<Every funeral Mass is by definition also a requiem, a term which derives from the entrance antiphon “Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine”—Eternal rest grant to them, oh Lord.
Unlike a funeral, which is usually only celebrated once, a requiem Mass may be celebrated several times—for example, according to local custom, on the ninth or 30th day after death, or on the first anniversary and other such recurrences.
On such occasions the Mass for the dead may be celebrated and the deceased’s name is mentioned in the prayers.
This is a different situation from the custom of offering up the Mass intention for a deceased person. In this case the liturgy of the day is celebrated and the deceased’s name is mentioned before Mass, during the prayers of the faithful, or at some other opportune moment.>>
http://www.ewtn.com/library/liturgy/zlitur78.htm
I’ve never heard of our church doing a requiem Mass; the custom here as far as I know is to have your person as the Mass intention.
In case you don’t know, ‘communion’ is when the members of the congregation are lead to walk to the front of the church - usually a row at a time.
When they indicate it’s time for your row to go, just stay in place and let any others in your row go past.
Don’t sit in the front row and you’ll surely tell when this is happening.
If you do get ‘caught-up’ and/or lead to the front, just say “I’m sorry, I’m not Catholic” when they offer you the wine and/or communion wafer.
Unless it will offend you in some way, if you do get up there, just cross your arms (opposite hands on shoulders) and the priest will know to bless you and not offer communion. But ideally just remain in your seat. 
Grew up Catholic though a bit lapsed these days. Yep, this is pretty much spot on. You’re honoring them by attending, nobody is going to mind if you’re not sure what to do at one point or another. Just follow the rest. Except (as has been pointed out), don’t take communion (procession up to the priest to get the communal wafer) if you’re not Catholic yourself, Catholics take that pretty seriously. Even for other denominations, no matter how devoutly religious the person may be - Catholic communion (Eucharist) is for Catholics. I think I may remember there being a loophole for Eastern Orthodox, but don’t quote me.
…I don’t think the world is going to end or God is going to smite anyone if that rule is broken, but you should respect that faith, just like you should respect all other faiths and their practices when you’re in their church/mosque/temple or attending a service they are running.
To explain, this is because Catholic doctrine holds that the eucharist IS the body of Christ, not just a symbol. This is pretty important; it’s not just a divisive rule.
Yes, agreed.
I’ve only seen them in very special cases and as a public event, such as one offered in memoriam of the people who died during a war. As you say, for a relative normally you just add the name to the intentions.
Hope this isn’t too much of a hijack, but:
Just adding my agreement and a bit more info. The term for this Catholic belief is Transubstantiation, which means that the bread and wine literally become the body and blood of Christ. The theology and philosophy regarding transubstantiation is actually quite interesting. This page has a good layman’s explanation while also being really conversational. Transubstantiation is the opposite of transformation, basically. When a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, its characteristics change, but its essence is the same - it’s still the same insect it was before. Transubstantiation of bread and wine is the reverse - their characteristics stay the same, but their true essence changes from ordinary food and drink into the body and blood of Christ.
This doctrine was one of the big issues Martin Luther had with the Church when he kick started the Reformation. Protestant churches believe that communion is symbolic instead of literal. This is why Protestants are not allowed to partake in Catholic communion - how can they, if they literally don’t believe THE most important belief about the (Catholic) Eucharist?
On the other hand…
It’s not a loophole, per se, but yes, there are times when Orthodox can receive Catholic communion
Eastern and Oriental Orthodox Churches do believe the bread and wine -> literal body and blood, though they avoid attempts to explain why and instead refer to it as a mystery. This is why the Catholic Church says Orthodox members can receive communion if they ask for it. But keep in mind this is the RCC’s stance and has no bearing on whether or not an Orthodox Church says it’s okay for their members to receive Catholic communion (it seems like individual churches have some freedom to decide this individually).
Very well explained, thanks. Wasn’t clear on the the Eastern Orthodox part myself.
Each individual Church decides individually.
I have been the cantor at both Catholic memorial services (no Mass) and funeral Masses. The latter are generally held when the family of the deceased is Catholic, or the deceased was active in the parish, and there is likely to be at least a moderate number of people who will receive communion. As at weddings, there are almost always quite a few attendees who are not Catholic and I’ve sung for a couple where no one seems to be familiar with the service except the priest and me.
As other posters have indicated, no one expects you to do more than be unobtrusive and respectful. If it is a Mass, do not receive communion, but in many if not most parishes in the US, you may join the communion procession and when you get to the eucharistic minister, cross your hands over your chest, indicating you would like to receive a blessing instead (this will be something very brief).
If this is your first Catholic service, it hardly matters that it won’t be in English, you would be at sea even if it was.
So, there are three possible services? Memorial service (no Mass), Memorial Mass (when the body is not present), and Mass of Christian Burial (when it is). I just have never heard of the first.
That depends what your definition of “literally” is.
I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what you’re saying?
Never mind, I agree with what you’ve described, it’s just a knee-jerk on how “literally” gets misused IMO.
I believe so, but I’m just the cantor, I show up and sing what I am told, so don’t go by me. I’ve been to things that are like all of the above.