Last June, I got a German Shepherd puppy. Her name was Pepper.
I’m disabled. Getting outside is hard for me, and she was a wonderful buddy and reason for getting out of room and being in the world. It was hard, but everything is so fun for Pepper, that it made things fun for me too. I used outside help to make sure she was getting all the exercise she needed. We also walked, and we became dog park regulars.
At the end of November, I learned that I needed surgery. I’ll be restricted in movement for about 6 months. I made the decision to re-home Pepper to someone who can take care of her and give her the level of attention that she needs.
I miss her desperately. I cry all the time. I know she’s in a good home and she’s happy. I know I made the right choice for her. I’m just so sad. I want my dog back and I know that’s selfish. Good-bye Pepper.
I know this won’t help your grief right now. Just know there are LOTS of dogs out there that would be a perfect match for you.
You can either go the older route or just Google: Best Apartment dogs, which will basically give you a list of breeds that don’t need a lot of exercise and are happy to stay in all day.
If it helps, several years ago a local family had to give up their border collie due to economic reasons (lost house, new place didn’t allow dogs). That dog spent the rest of his days playing with my dogs, camping, riding on the boat, riding the 4 wheeler thru the woods, and chasing the other dogs around our large fenced yard. He lived a near perfect dog’s life, sleeping with my youngest at night, until claimed by old age.
My mother was in a similar situation. She is 90 and my brother is her full time caregiver. My brother and nephew found a puppy for my Mom back in the summer. But her health worsened after surgery - she can no longer walk or sit up without assistance. The added stress of the dog was too much for my brother, who has some mild cognitive disabilities and can’t handle too much being thrown at him at once.
Luckily, my nephew’s fiancé is an absolute angel. And a dog person, she has a few of her own and does temporary fostering for rescues. So she took the dog. But she brings the dog over several times a week to visit. And when things are going well with Mom, she’ll leave it with them for a few days. She’s done enough fostering that she knows how to not get too attached. So if things get better she’ll give the dog back. And she’s keeping an eye out for a small calm older dog that might be easier for my family to deal with full time.
Do you know anyone that might be able to “share” a dog with you in this way?
Sunny, I can’t say I understand how tough it is. We have never had to do it.
But I can say that as a multiple dog adopter, we have had to go through rigorous adoption processes to make sure the DOG is placed in the proper home.
We just got Jackson in August, a border collie aussie shep mix. Besides the paper work to fill out, we had phone interviews and a home visit. BEFORE we even met Jackson.
Your guy will be fine. And you did the right thing.
I know doing the good thing is cold consolation, but you put Pepper’s well being ahead of your wants, which is always the way to go.
Here’s hoping you’ll get to visit with Pepper … or that someone will come visit you with a therapy dog, thy turn up in the most amazing places these days!
Big props to you for doing right by your doggie … and big hugs to you. Let us know what you need as you move through these changes. Dopers can be so supportive, we look after our own.
Have you considered getting a cat? They work well for people with restricted mobility. And still give you an incentive to do some physical activity each day, and provide emotional support.
P.S. an elderly cat, or even one with disabilities, often stays a long time at shelters – they are not the most wanted by most people.
Um… what am I missing? The OP said she would only be laid up for six months. Not forever. If I were Pepper’s new family, I would gladly give her back to Sunny after she recovers from surgery. What the heck does selfishness have to do with it? Maybe Pepper misses you just as much–dogs do, you know. Are you positive Pepper has adjusted to her new family? Because if she hasn’t, they will probably find yet another home for her. If it were me, I’d follow up. JMHO.
I’m not sure who you’re talking to but I get the impression that the dog wasn’t given to the family on a temporary basis. It was a forever dog. And six months is more than enough time to grow an emotional attachment to the dog. Especially if the family has kids.
Asking for it back would indeed be bad form.
Like I said: even if I acquired the dog as a permanent family member, if I knew how miserable the previous owner was and how much she missed the dog, I would absolutely give her back. “Bad form”?? Who cares about bad form? We’re not talking about what fork to use here.
And at the very least, I’d want to make sure the dog was settled in her new home. The dog could be pining away for her former owner, too.
Yeah, and if you adopted a child and the bio parents later decided they wanted the child back, you would absolutely do so …
Dogs are not kids, I know, but they play on the same brain bonding circuits, even to spiking oxytocin with shared gaze. We bond with them. The same grief Sunny Daze is experiencing would be felt by Pepper’s new forever home family if they had to give her up. That would not be bad form; it would be much worse.
Sunny Daze made a difficult but selfless choice for the best interests of Pepper. Maybe make the parallel to an open adoption and she can later visit and have a relationship with Pepper still. But unless the understanding ahead of time was that the family is fostering Pepper for a while and that she would not be a forever family member asking for her back later would be unconscionable.
Sunny Daze probably this time of bittersweet grief is not the best time to think about a next pet. But as has been pointed out (and I suspect you know already) there are pets with much lower exercise needs and after you recover from the surgery … but for now, condolences on the loss of the companionship and love and best wishes for a quick recovery from your upcoming medical procedure.
So sorry to hear about this. You did the right thing for Pepper, I wouldn’t be surprised if given the choice Pepper would have sacrificed her own well being for yours, but you did the responsible thing for a dog, a species bred to place the concerns of their friends above their own. I hope you recover soon and hope you can be reunited with Pepper eventually, at least to visit her. It’s so sad that you have to live without her in your time of need. I hope her new friends will bring her to see you from time to time also, or at least provide pictures. Call Pepper from time to time if you can, smart dogs can recognize voices on the phone, maybe even recognize your face if you can do something like a Skype call. My greatest hopes for you and for Pepper both.
Thank you for the suggestion. The exercise is good for me, but I absolutely have bad days. A dog that is happy to snuggle up on bad days is a very good idea.
I think her new family is a very good choice for her. They have another dog who is not much older. They hike a lot and are very active. They think she is wonderful and I got great recommendations, including from their vet, whom I have known for about 10 years.
I re-homed her on the understanding that it would be forever. I will admit that a small (and sometimes not small) part of me wishes that it won’t work out and I can have her back. If things go well, however, she will stay with her new family.
No, but I do think I will get another dog when I am healed and cleared to returned to my previous activity level.
Yes, that was part of the arrangement. My kids and I get to visit Pepper.
Thanks again everyone. It feels better to talk about her.
Six months is not an eternity. Can you get her back when you’ve recovered?