Being as all my favourite cow jokes are taken…
How do you confuse an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from…
@—>>
How many Smurfs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None… Smurfs screw in sleeping bags this big [________] * hold fingers yay far apart…
@—>>
What’s invisible and smells like carrots??
Bunny farts…
@—>>
A snail was tired of being teased for being slow, so he decided to buy a fancy sports car. He went to the dealership and chose an impressive bright red Ferrari. The only thing was he had to have the letter S painted on each side.
The dealer agreed figuring with the money he was going to make this simple but weird request was no problem. He told the snail the car would be ready in a week.
The following week the snail came in, picked up his car and raced out of the lot, burning rubber and making every one look in astonishment.
Of course, as he sped past, everyone exclaimed, “WOW!!! Look at that S car go!!!”…baboom
Okay, since we’re including blonde jokes, here are two of my personal favorites:
Why don’t blondes get HIV?
-Even viruses have their pride.
and…
A blonde was driving down a long straight Kansas road, when off to the side, in the middle of a wheat field, she saw another blonde in a rowboat, rowing as hard as she could. This really pissed the first blonde off. She pulled over, jumped out of her car, and started cursing out the blonde in the rowboat. She said, “Man, I hate blondes like you. It’s blondes like you that give all blondes a bad name. And if I could swim, I’d come out there and beat you senseless.”
We had a joke like that when I was a youth… Two men went fishing, They’re in the middle of a lake in their boat. The first man casts his line. Then the second man casts his line, when all of the sudden a fish jumps up out of the water and yells SOCIAL SECURITY!
E3
What do you call an hispanic woman with no legs?
Consuelo
(Con = with, suelo = floor)
Side note to that joke, my friend came up with that one in the middle of a conversation.
I think I heard this is An American Werewolf in London:
Person 1: Say knock knock
Person 2: Knock knock
Person 1: Who’s there?
<< Person 2 stares at Person 1 until he gets the joke >>
Two blonds and a brunette are walking across campus. Suddenly, a bird flies overhead, letting loose with a copious dropping which lands right in the hair of one of the blonds. The brunette, ever resourceful, advises the two blonds to wait where they are, and she would retrieve some toilet tissue from a nearby dorm.
After she’s gone, one of the blonds rolls her eyes at the other. “And they say we’re stupid. By the time she gets back, that bird will be long gone.”
I know it’s long but it still cracks me up all the time…
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes it is.”
Boy- “I have a baseball.”
Man- “That’s nice.”
Boy- “Want to buy it?”
Man- “No, thanks.”
Boy- “My dad’s outside.”
Man- “OK, how much?”
Boy- “$250.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.
Boy- “Dark in here.”
Man- “Yes, it is.”
Boy- “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy- “$750.”
Man- “Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball back and forth.” The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” The son says “$1,000.” The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.” They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again”
