Thou shalt not use the Sound of Sleigh-Bells in thine Advertisements on pain of having thy Bollocks torn asunder by rampaging Orang-Utans
How about a Twelfth Commandment too:
Thou shalt celebrate Christmas only once every 24 months from now on. (Or less if it could possibly be arranged, pretty please?)
Never force a fart.
Thou Shalt Not:
Elevate the volume of thine commercial advertisements to such a level that the listeners ears actually begin to bleed.
Thou shalt celebrate thy birth of thine Son in the following manner: Thou shalt pick a random day to celebrate thine Son’s birth. Thou shalt have thine Son’s birthday kept secret until twelve days before thy Day of Days. Thou shalt have thy dozen days to shop.
Thou shalt not desecrate a hymn of joy and bullfrogs for thine furtherance of J.C. Penney Holiday Market Share.
Hoeth not thy ho of hos before the 15th of December lest a partridge and pear tree be shoved into thy bum.
Thou shalt not be a monger of "ho"s.
Don’t hold 'em in, either. They travel up your spine to your brain and come out as shitty ideas.
Sorry, sorry. . .I’ll just be moving along now…
#11.
Thou shalt not impress me with how much of those petty little green bills you have, and how much you can spend in "honor" of my son's birth. If you believe in me, you know I created the universe, and thus I am less than impressed with what you can do.The Eleventh Commandment?
“Never schtup a shicksa.”
Thou shall not be forced to spend the only 5 days one has off work for 6 months with family members one cannot stand. Driving 4 hours in the heat (Australian followers only) to sleep on a fold-out bed, eat coleslaw, and wishing the whole time you were sitting on your balcony with your SO sipping chardonnay and watching the sunset.
And then getting a major guilt trip from the other side of the family who you chose NOT to visit.
Thou shalt not commit fruitcake.
If my reading of TV evangelists is correct, the 11th commandment must be either “Thou shall not be gay” or “Thou shall not have abortions”.
Is this a joke thread? In the PIT?
We can’t wear junior mod hats, but can we [Junior Zenster Hat Om]?
How about “Thou shall not be a wet blanket”?
Can I please ask that fruitcake snarkies be abandoned? Some things are sacred, ya’ know.
Thou shalt commit anyone who likes Christmas Music.
Can I have an exception for Santa Baby? At least Eartha Kitt is being honest. Slip a sable under the tree for mee, hmmm hmmm hmmm, doot doot doot…
Thou shall wake bright and early…yeah, ooh Verily, before the sun rises after the Great Feast of Bloated Stomaches, to honor my Son by buying a lite brite for half its original price.
Thou shall use great profanity when you do not get a parking spot near the door of the store where you are to go in a buy things in order to honor my son’s birth properly.
Thou shall even use the finger and possibly the arm up to the elbow, as a gesture to other Christians in silent communion of solidarity of your faith as they cut you off as you race to the next store to save thirty three cents on a third rate DVD player made in Guam by blind lepers.