The Empire attacks Earth!

I feel like such a nerd… <wonders off to a corner, shaking head>

Having been thinkking about this while beating on a print server with a hammer;
Given the way he feels about his Mommy, Lord help Darth Vader if he runs into the Matriarch Janeway. He doesn’t stand a chance.
Compression Phaser Rifles, indeed.

I think if Janeway met Vader, Vader’d fall head over cape in love, while Janeway spur him, and instead would crumple up a paper ball and throw it, causing 63 borg cubes to be destroyed. Vader, in his rage, would force choke Harry Kim! He’s then try to turn Janeway by crusing by in his Low-rider Super Star Destroyer, but Janeway cannot be swayed by mere cars. Vader would be so enraged, he’d force choke Harry Kim! Then Vader would bring by the Emporer, who would bore us with talk about how “There is no escape, my young Janeway” Then Janeway would jump down the big shaft in the Death Star, killing herself. The Emperor would say “okay, maybe there is one way” and Vader would force choke Harry Kim! And then the Emperor would fry Harry with electricity!

I like that part. I like that part a lot.

You’re right. One look at his acting and they’d keel over dead.


Couldn’t we lob a nuke at them?

(I can’t believe that I, of all people, am actually suggesting using NUKES!!!)

Whose quote concerning one of Queen Victoria’s “Little Wars”?
Some tour book, if I recall.
“But we have the Gatling.”

A Star Destroyer is what, three kilometers long? We’d better hope that we lose, because even a single SD crashing would be enough to devastate the planet. Bad as their aim is, I think that they’re at least good enough to hit the ground with a 3 klick chunk of metal.

I have been given to understand that the best way to use an orbital laser weapon is to drop it on a city.

Vader: Surrender your vessel to the Empire!
Picard: We are on a peaceful mission. We…AAACK!!
Riker: How’d he do that?
Worf: Commander! Reccomend we fire all…ARRGH!!!
Riker: We surrender! We surr…UUUGH!!!
LaForge: HEY! We’re giving up, already! Why’dya hafta choke him?
Vader: I’m on a roll!

Janeway: Does your Mother know that you choke people like that?
Break out the compression phaser rifles and have some chicken soup.

Why’dya hafta stop before you got to Wesley?

That’s a good point, Enola.
Explain yourself.
Are you a secret Wesley hugger?

Why would Vader choke someone who is obviously already turned to the Dark Side?

yes, Wesley Crusher is: Darth Wuss!!!
Darth Wuss uses his Dark Jedi Whine powers to annoy the galaxy!!

I thought that whining was a Light Jedi power?

Well, there’s that thing about their Mothers.
There’s Kid Darth and robots, Kid Wesley and Nanites.

What do you suppose whining sounds like inside that big 'ol helmet?

I, for one, have never seen them together at the same time.

Jedi Whine Wars: Episode IV A New Annoyance
Darth Wuss: I am your father!
Luke: I was gonna go to Toshi Station and pick up some power converters!
Darth Wuss: Captain Picard made me an ensign!
Luke: I’m missing a hand!
Darth Wuss: Riker made me 10 years older! But i couldn’t cope with being a real man!
Luke: You ask the impossible!
Darth Wuss: Nanites are my friends!
Harry Kim: Hello!!

Actually, I see Haryy saying, “Hi, guys!”

Darth Wuss = Dark Helmet from Spaceballs.

Harry would probably be: Hey, you guys, you wanna go play the clarinet?

At which point most people in the room would run screaming. But i kid Harry, EVERYONE would run screaming!