Which is it for me? The end of something special or the beginning of something new? I’m not really sure maybe time will tell and I can figure out why this happened. It always seems like things end up this way for me. I know your probably thinking what the hell so I’ll throw in some background info.
Me and my girlfriend broke up last night. It wasn’t a bad break up. No hateful fealings towards each other and neither one of us did something “wrong” or “bad” to cause it. It’s just a case of one of us feeling different and changing towards the other down the road. She’s a really sweet girl and deserves the best in the world. She’s cute as a button and is unbelievably nice to everyone. I just wasn’t happy anymore in the relationship. She said she saw it coming. If she saw it coming why didn’t she do something to try and fix it? I’ve tried my best to try and help fix things between us. I just didn’t know what to do anymore. I didn’t want to end up hating her for something that was happening unintentionally. She expects me to start dating other girls soon but I don’t know if that is what I want. What I really want is for things to work between us. I feel this hurt in the pit of my stomach every time I think about losing her. Why do I feel this if it’s over? Is my subconscience trying to tell me something? Maybe it was wrong to break up. Maybe I should have tried harder?
I just keep thinking about how she’s taking this. She’s so calm and repressed like this means nothing to her, but I know on the inside she’s feeling horrible. It’s just something I know. Everytime I look at her I just want to grab her and kiss her like I haven’t seen her in ages and forget about all the problems and live happily ever after. Hell I’d settle for mostly happy ever after. I can’t deal with the constant fighting that went on between us over stupid shit. It was worthless meaningless pitiful little fights that we should have just laughed off. Why didn’t we just try to laugh it off? Were things that messed up? I don’t know what I feel right now. I just feel very numb. I’m just kinda like a walking zombie right now.
I just can’t believe my very first love is over. I’ve not been “in” love with her but I do love her still. It’s something that is so hard for me to describe I don’t think I could do it even if you gave me all the time in the world. It’s just this subtle feeling of things not being the same and me not being the same person that I was before. I miss the tingles that I felt with her. She is the only person in my life to ever make me tingle with delight to just see her. Just one taste of her kiss would be enough to make my heart flutter. Now I’m flutterless and tingless and I don’t know if I can handle it. I want the tingles back. From where it stand right now I don’t think I could devote myself to anyone ever again like I did her. She’s something special ya know one in a million. Since this is easily becoming one of my longest threads in history (it’ll probably end up like all the other threads I started lotsa views and zero replies I think I’ll just end it up with one last paragraph).
I guess this isn’t really a rant so I couldn’t put it in the pit. I’m not asking others opinions so this can’t really go in IMHO. I guess I just wanted to get this off of my chest to make me feel a little better. It’s done that a little but I’m still gonna feel like shit for awhile. To all my fellow dopers farewell and I wish you happiness. Good day.
Decisions, decisions…
a cyber hug?
a trite “Everyone goes thru this…”
assurances that you’ll get over this and look back on it fondly some day?
No, I’ll offer you what no one else here can offer - I’ll send Tinky-Winky back to you, OK?? Or I would if I’d kept your address… why don’t you just e-mail it to me??
I’m guessing it’s neither a beginning nor an ending… just another of life’s transitions… Hang in there, sweetie…
I am going through a rather similar situation right now, and it sucks. It really sucks. There are so many conflicting emotions that I don’t even know where to begin.
You sound like you really miss her, but there are a couple of things that you’ve said that are very important: “I just wasn’t happy anymore in the relationship” and “I’ve not been “in” love with her but I do love her still.” That last one is very important. You miss her terribly because you love her, and because she’s been in your life in a major way for a while now. But you aren’t in love with her, hence the first quote.
My advice is to take a break, regardless. Sleep on it lots. Keep reminding yourself of the good things, but also why it was that you weren’t happy with the relationship.
And most of all, just hang in there.
Well, people do change. Relationships change. The tingles eventually go away, but are generally replaced with a deeper type of love.
It has always seemed to me that the tingles, that excitement of intially being with someone where you’re so taken with them you can scarcely breathe, is not something meant to be permanent. It’s meant to lead into that committment of heart and soul to your lover.
You talk about your arguments. I know it sounds cheesy, but there’s a book called “The Languages of Love” (or something like that) that talks about how people express love, e.g. some people express their love by doing things, others by giving of their time through service or whatnot. Maybe you guys express love different ways and the arguments are a result of not being understood. I’m not saying she didn’t know that you loved her or that you didn’t know that she loved you, just miscommunication in how that love was expressed. I read the book and found it to be pretty interesting (it’s relatively short and easy) and easy to understand. Plus, it made sense.
:sigh:
I wish I had easy answers for you, something that would make the pain go away or make it less difficult to handle. The truth is that any committed relationship (like what you’ve had) is like glueing 2 pieces of paper together. When you try to take them apart, there’s going to be pieces missing.
Time really does heal all wounds. Be patient with yourself and her and maybe the time apart will allow your thinking to clear up and really see what was going on.
Thanks FCM nice offer but Tinky Winky was originally from my ex (god I can’t stand calling her that). And I don’t think it’d be a good idea to get it back.
Pucette I’m thinking maybe me and her should just take a break for awhile re-evaluate everything and see if anything is salvagable. Tills then who knows?
BunnyGirl I shoulda previewed and saw your post. I think I’ll take a look in the library here at college and see if they have that book. Maybe it’ll help. It just wouldn’t be so bad if me and her still didn’t live together. Our lease for the apartment is for another year. And neither one of us can afford to break it and live by ourselves. Damn…
That is exactly what I was trying to incoherently express 
A break from each other to gather thoughts, and hopefully to regain a sense of self and of priorities. I understand how difficult that can be when you are still living together. It is scary, in fact, how much your situation is beginning to resemble mine. I had a lease to wait out as well. You can do it, though. Especially if you both really care about eachother.
I sincerely wish you the best. Feel free to email me if ever you need.