“don’t hit on me” was my first instinct, and I still think it’s a big factor, but when I physically assumed “the stance” how it made me feel was depressed, which is how I felt for a lot of the time in college.
I think a lot of people are depressed at that time of their lives, though I think it’s spread equally between girls and boys.
It’s actually kinda unnatural to walk with your arms folded across your chest. I’m thinking it’s the “my boobs are cold” walk.
It could be the “my boyfriend just pissed me off” walk. In that case, you gotta talk to 'em! That’s when they’re most open to new relationships!
Hmmph. I’m feeling ignored and overlooked. [crosses arms tightly, tilts head slightly downward, and storms away from the computer desk.]
[comes back] That felt a little silly, but it did make my butt wiggle.
I don’t cross my arms, but I do walk with my head down, eyes lowered.
I’m shy and introverted. It’s easier to be in my thoughts when I’m not looking all over the place.
And yes, it’s a form of self-protection.
I cross my arms and affect a pissed off look when I’m at school (seriously, I’m not like that all the time, just most of the time). Frankly, walking around with my head up and giving out friendly smiles on campus made me a target for religious nuts, LaRouche weirdoes, scam artists, and club promoters (actually LaRouche weirdoes pretty much fit all three of those).
I was frequently hit on walking from work up the street to restaurants for lunch, or walking to school when I went to JC. It is very common IME. Usually in those cases though I’d just shake my head and laugh it off. I’d rather get wolfwhistles from passing traffic than have my ear talked off about Lyndon LaRouche.
I’d say they want to be left the fuck alone. Whether it’s because they’re depressed and have a hangover and some idiot at the coffee shop told them to ‘Smile, sweetie,’ or they just got hissed at and groped on the way home from the abortion clinic (yes, this happened to a friend. And the cab driver tried to assault her. Nice day all around), or they’re just getting to that special place that is college, with all the binge drinking, regretful sex, failed classes and pregnancy/STD scares.
What city is this? I’ve never seen such a thing.
Well, this explains a lot. I always thought it was the “i’m feeling kinda depressed” walk. Me trying to be nice and ask what’s up is being taken as me hitting on them. :smack:
I can’t believe anyone thinks it’s that rare. A woman walking alone is practically an invitation to be fucked with. I’ve had men pull over to the curb and drive really slow trying to talk me into the car. I’ve had a guy straight-up grope my breasts as he walked by in broad daylight. After that point I started carrying pepper spray.
This in supposedly one of the safest cities in the US, and certainly in California (not where I live now).
I’m a female who walks around alone, but I’m not hit on every time I leave the house. And I usually don’t find it all that creepy when I am. And I usually walk in a confident manner–maybe that has something to do with it.
St. Petersburg. It didn’t happen often when I lived in suburbia, but once I moved downtown the crazy hitter-onners came out of the woodwork. Bums, crackheads, lowlifes, and some probably genuinely nice but misguided guys.
I do have a bit of a babyface, so mabe that comes across as naive and vulnerable? I could just be a magnet for weirdos. I dread seeing what happens when I move somewhere like NYC.
I don’t do the arms-folded leave me alone walk, though. I do avoid eye contact, but walk in a rather butch, I-can-rip-your-balls-off way when I want to be left alone.
Such a posture when walking would strike me as an “ideal assault victim” advertisement. It seems to convey fear (being hunched over) while preventing the walker from getting a good look at her surroundings.
I think if you want to give off the “leave me the hell alone” vibe, you are better walking purposefully, with arms at your side, shoulders squared, head held high, and looking at any threatening / potentially annoying males in the eye, with an expression suggesting you are just dying to try out your new pepper spray / kata / pocket 9mm. Also, it lets you spot threats while they are still sufficiently far away that you have the maneuvering room to avoid them.
Convicted muggers & rapists time and again indicate that the first thing they look for in an indication of fear / vulnerability.
As for unwanted advances, you have permission to be rude and emphatic if the creep can’t take a polite hint. Gavin DeBecker, in his book The Gift of Fear, shows that the fear of appearing rude/not a nice person is something psychopaths count on to steer female victims to situations where they no longer have the option to escape or call for help. So feel free to look’em in the eye, and snarl out a “get lost, creep”
Don’t just curl up an hope nobody notices you.
I walk around Seattle a bit every day and I never see this. People at stoplights rarely ever say anything to each other, even if they’re together. What are some of the things these people say to you? I have a friend who thinks anyone who glances in her direction is hitting on her, not that I think you’re that way, but maybe you’re misinterpreting, “Boy, it’s hot out today.”
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s small talk or if he’s trying to pick you up, but often times they’ll casually throw in a statement about my BF to gauge my response. Sometimes, the more direct ones throw a look and/or don’t bother with small talk.
Looks RRFM up and down Whatchou gettin’ into, baby?
It ranges from flattering small talk to slightly irritating or creepy and oogy, depending on my mood and the guy involved. It’s almost exclusively African-American men, but that one time at the stoplight (I was in a car, he was on the side of the road) was a Hispanic construction worker.
My friends tell me it’s the badonkadonk.
I wouldn’t say that I get on constantly, but when walking I definitely have been approached by strangers more than I like. It’s more crude comments than pick-up lines. It doesn’t happen every time I leave the house, but I don’t doubt RedRosesForMe for a minute.
Ugh. I am mightily pissed at my unenlightened brethren for soiling the nest. The way I see it, this causes the love to be hidden under a bushel, and that’s just so wrong. It’s quite possible that the loves of each other’s lives are passing like ships in the night for security reasons.
Holy crap, I can apply my (almost complete) sociology degree knowledge to a conversation – I was beginning to despair of this ever happening!
A large part of the gender difference in body language is the perception of what impressions different uses of space create. The “leave me alone walk” for women usually is characterized by the traits already discussed, which essentially make the woman as small and unnoticable as possible. Since traditional gender roles for females dictate meekness and submission (not that I’m endorsing or encouraging that, just saying that that is the traditional view of what it means to be feminine), then socically speaking, the most “acceptable” way of putting out a “leave me alone” vibe is to make oneself so nearly socially invisible as to preclude conversation altogether.
Men, on the other hand, have a different “leave me alone walk” (please forgive the broad brush I’m using here – sociology is nothing if not overly general). It usually follows the more masculine ideals – look high and over people rather than at the ground, puff out the chest and throw back the shoulders. Essentially, instead of making themselves too small to be bothered with, men generally prefer to make themselves too intimidating to approach. Both postures are immediately recognizable because they exaggerate gender norms that we are all familiar with, no matter if we agree or disagree with them.
This is, of course, vaguely recalled from Sociology of Gender many moons ago, so YMMV.
I get hit on every single day too. I am not necessarily gorgeous either, but it happens all the time. I even posted this thread about it not long ago. I live in NYC and it happens a lot more often here than it did when I was in Dallas, but even then it was not just an occasional thing. I don’t do the “leave me alone walk” but I don’t wear a bikini to ride the subway either so I don’t feel like I am inviting it. (Really the whole world is better off with me not wearing a bikini at all, let alone on the subway.)
[HIJACK]
What gets me is the female run - and only some women do this (the cool ones don’t). It’s that strange arms-flailing run that looks impressive, but is a huge waste of energy and doesn’t result in any speed higher than a brisk walk would be for anyone else. The message: I’m too feminine to know how to run properly. The same women do the “girly throw” though they know damned well how to throw a ball properly. It irks me. If you want to run, run.
[/HIJACK]
I guess the “female run” is what happens if the “female leave me alone walk” doesn’t hold off the suitors well enough.