Unfortunately, the expanse of grassland is unbroken because it is UNBREAKABLE(!) (collective gasp of horror).
The grass is far superior in strength to any member of the group and soon enslaves them all, turning them all into drone-soldiers in it’s vastly expanding army.
Fortunately, it’s an army in the war to legalize certain drugs. You see the army thinks that grass should be legal!! Heehee, I kill myself sometimes!
Unfortunately, the grass in question is a sentient clump of Kentucky Bluegrass named Evil Charlie. Evil Charlie was created when a powerful mutagenic chemical was accidentally dumped onto a pile of grass clippings. His one ambition is to take over the world and ban the sale of lawnmowers.
Fortunately, Toro and John Deere have joined forces to also fight Evil Charlie by producing the world’s first mower of mass destruction.:smack:
Unfortunately, Toro is too busy bullshitting the local bovine beauties, and John Deere runs like one away from the group when they try to commandeer a Green Monster to mow them a path to freedom.
Fortunately, norinew’s bottomless backpack yields a flamethrower. ETF volunteeers to operate it, but the group (still shaking from her Land Rover driving) hands it over to RCracer instead.
Unfortunately, as he begins clearing a way through the grassland, xayoz306 asks “When do we eat lunch?” RCracer swings around to say “When we get through this freakin’ grassland!” and the flame arcs around with him toward the group.
Fortunately, Gmork has the presence of mind to shriek “Look! Over there!” and RCracer turns away just in time. BigDaiv wrests the flamethrower away, gets to work, and soon has blazed a path* to the Forest of Funky Trees on the other side.
*Sorry; just couldn’t resist.
And they are funky trees. The trees have pyschedelic-colored bark and golden apples that glitter in the sunlight.
Diceman picks a golden apple from a low-hanging branch and takes a bite.
Fortunately, the fruit tastes great, so everyone else picks an apple and starts eating.
Unfortunately, the apples, tasty as they may be, are filled with nasty, horrible gut-eating worms that start eating away at Diceman’s and the others intestines.
Fortunately, norinew manages to find his bottle of extra-acidic medicine which the gang takes, killing off the worms.
Unfortunately (and obviously) the medicine also burns away half of their digestive systems, leaving the gang permanently incapable of eating food.
Fortunately, since the group are all just cyberpeople anyway, RCracer reboots the thread and everyone has everything (for better or worse) they started out with.
Unfortunately, they’re still in the Forst of Funky Trees, and still hungry. They head down a path that seems to have a stream glittering in the distance.
Fortunately the path does lead to a stream containing naturally filtered water, so they all have a well deserved drink which will keep them going.
Unfortunately, the mud on the side of the stream is very slippery and everyone ends up in the stream. Even worse, some hungry man-eating sharks hastily make their way towards the gang.
Fortunately, norinew just happens to have a bottle of X-Tra Strength Shark Away™ in her backpack; the friends spray it at the sharks, who swim away quickly.
Unfortunately, they are then approached by another school of sharks.
Fortunately, BigDaiv, not the brightest of them, but apparently on a lucky streak, decides they should spray the Shark Repel on themselves, which they do.
Unfortunately, these sharks are immune to the X-Tra Strength Shark Away™.
Fortunately RCracer saw a special on X-Tra Strength Shark Away ™ immune sharks and knows there on weakness: MONKEYS
unfortunately the group has a distinct monkey deficiency
fortunately BigDaiv calls his demonic monkey minions and our merry band are savec feeling no less merry
Unfortunately, they’re still in the stream, which is washing them down toward a waterfall.
Fortunately, ETF manages to grab a low-hanging branch, everyone else gloms onto her or other glommers, and the group manages to scramble onto the riverbank before they hit the rapids.
Unfortunately, that low-hanging branch wasn’t actually a branch… and it’s begun to twitch…
Fortunately Before Gmork can waste precious time pedantically pointing out that sharks can’t live in freshwater, the more sensible members of the group realise they are attached to some monstrous creature, who, although no doubt ready for some lunchables, could save all their lives merely by moving his tail - which ETF is clinging to, claws out, with everybody else holding on behind - a few inches to the left…
Unfortunately, the monstrous critter swings his tail to the right, back out over the river.
Fortunately, the force of the swing hurls our group right across the rushing stream to the far bank, where they land safely in some soft, springy bushes.
Unfortunately, the soft, springy bushes are full of poison ivy, and norinew only has enough Calamine Lotion in her backpack for two people.
Furtunately, ETF and all but two of hte group are among the lucky ones who aren’t affected by poison ivy. The group clamber out of the bushes, slather calamine lotion on the two sufferers, and strike off westward, toward the now setting sun.
Unfortunately, as night falls, they are still slogging through terrain that is gently rolling but increasingly barren, with no food, water, or shelter in sight. And the temperature is dropping rapidly.
Fortunately, as they begin to despair, they come to the edge of a hidden vally, and see the lights of a large house below them.
Fortunately, the Forest of Funky Trees is full of Calamine Lotion Bushes, so while norinew and Gmork use norinew’s lotion, everyone else gets busy rubbing leaves from the lotion bushes on themselves.
With the poison ivy taken care of, the group heads down a path which leads away from the waterfall.
Fortunately, the path leads to a clearing with a quaint little house in it.
Unfortunately, the group become hopelessly confused. Where are they? Are they on the gently rolling but barren terrain, looking down into a valley where a large, friendly-looking house is nestled? Or on a path through a forest, with a clearing ahead of them where a quaint little house sits?
Fortunately, after much discussion and some aggrieved finger-pointing, they decide that quaint little houses probably don’t have up-to-date bathroom facilities, so they vote to be in the world of the large house.
Unfortunately, they don’t realize that the quaint little house is inhabited by sociable pixies, and has a scrumptious supper cooking, more than enough for all the hungry travelers; while the large house is big because undersized giants live there (their normal-sized relatives having thrown them out in disgrace), and they’re very very hungry for human bones to gnaw on.
Fortunately, the party has gotten cautious – okay, paranoid – by now, so they send Diceman on ahead to check things out. He manages not to get caught by the mini-giants, and the group bolts back toward the quaint cottage. There, the pixies welcome them, and feed the merry band to their hearts’ content.
[Ack! Simulpost! Ignore my previous post.]
Unfortunately, it turns out that this house is the emergency backup headquarters of the Spanish Inquisition.
Nobody was expecting this, especially since they were supposed to have been destroyed.