I have a sibling who is my moms favorite. He is the only one of us kids whos not adopted. my mother put him way up high on a pedestal years ago. When he became a lawyer she put him so high on that pedestal that she literally thinks he knows everything. I love him but the way she relates to him is sometimes annoying to me. Here is an example of how him being a golden child affects me personally,even somtimes indirectly. In a nutshell,my brother read something and came to a medical conclusion about me, and constantly talks to my mom about it. I am not sure if the specifics are relevant, since its not the point what he “diagnosed” me with, its the point that he is not a medical doctor,so he isnt qualified to diagnose people. Doctors themselves do not diagnose or treat family because its hard to be objective and detach emotionally from close family. A bit of background, over the past 25 years I have been under medical care for x condition, over that long time I have been treated by a handful of doctors, including the hospital several times. In all those years no doctor has ever diagnosed me with “y” condition, but recently my brother read something and basicaly he felt he was able to diagnose me. He told me he “knows” I have it, then for some reason he also started talking to my mom, and since he is the golden child she now is convinced I have y condition. She told me word for word almost what my brother said, so it was obvious she was merely repeating what he said. I pointed out to her that no doctor has ever diagnosed me with that,and while I know she admires my brother, he is simply not a doctor. No amount of medical type records matter to her. Dont bother her with the truth, she only is concerned with what my brother has to say on the matter. Ten doctors opinions wouldnt mean diddily squat to her icompared to what brother says. The fact he is a golden child makes it a very imposible situation to allow any room for an educated open discussion on the facts. None of that matters to her. If brother said it,then it must be gospel truth. Has anyone had to deal with having a parent who worships one of their siblings? Is there any point in even attempting to get the truth across, or should I just give up and let them enjoy this sumbiotic tie they have,and let them believe what they want? Im having a dificult time letting it go, its very aggravating how she thinks that because he is a lawyer he is qualified to do anything,including diagnosing people
Tell her you will ask your doctor about what your attorney brother diagnosed you with. Maybe your doc can help give you a rebuttal as to why you have X not Y.
I posted something in regards to this, but I decided to make it more of a general question. Has anyone had personal experience with a sibling who has been cast into the role of the golden child?
What are your thoughts on the reasons this syndrome occurs? I read that mothers who are narcissistic do this.
Also, if you have a sibling who is the golden child, how do you deal with it?
If you think that you are the one who has been a golden child, how did it affect you? It seems like a very symbiotic relationship, where the parent (usually the mother) boosts her sense of self or identity by having a child she worships, and the golden child in return gets a real ego boost feeling so special compared to his siblings. But it seems to me it would also be alot of pressure, to be placed on a pedestal that way.
In my dad’s family, it was my male cousin. My grandparents were of the bizarre opinion that there was something wrong if the eldest child wasn’t a male. So when I was born a girl, they promptly lost interest. To the point of not speaking to my parents for a year.
It even continued after my brother was born; Cousin S. was the hero of the family and nothing was ever going to change that.
I dunno, we just kind of chalked it up to them being rural farm people, but nowadays I think they were just assholes working out some kind of issue on my dad.
But I’m cynical that way.
My golden child brother had to drive the 6 year old Lexus my mother gave him (when she bought a brand new Lexus) past my town in which my 18 year old Honda sits faithfully waiting for me every day. I’m not sure where he found the room to park it, already having a newer pickup truck and a Mazda Miata, but I’m not familiar with dealing with those sorts of golden child problems.
In our family we do our best to ignore our roles and just try to keep the peace. Doesn’t always work, and as we get older we learn it isn’t that healthy, but knowing more about it does help.
I second that. Get a doctor onboard and see what they think. Doctors aren’t infallible, and on rare occasion they do miss a diagnosis. Sometimes, seeing multiple doctors can be counterproductive as they are more likely to get tunnel vision and think about only what the doctors before them have considered.
If your brother is right, then you just got yourself a diagnosis and treatment can start. If hes wrong, then you can tell him the doctor said so.
Also, although I assume based on the fact that you are embarrassed about your diagnosis that it is something psychiatric, I kind of want to know what your golden boy diagnosis is.
Nm
Tollhouse, maybe you could clarify a few things. I’m not sure we know enough about you, to know how to respond.
Are you a teenager living at home, having to live with the decisions that your mother and brother make for you? Or are you an independent-living adult, out on your own, with your own income, who can ignore what your mother and brother think? Or maybe an unemployed adult, in college or just finished, couch-surfing at the family home until you can get a job?
What stops you from just letting your mother and brother think whatever they want to think, and what stops you from just blowing them off and ignoring their ideas?
The first step to survivig this family dynamic is to accept thatyour Mother has a purly irrational view of anything that comes from your brother. I know, I’ve been there. Miraculously my Mother eventually began to notice that I also have a brain, but it took 35 years, and is by no means guaranteed in all such cases.
So just tell her you don’t wish to discuss it any further. “Yes, Mom, I’ll suggest that to my Dr. next time I see him/her. Aren’t the flowers lovely?”
Is it a thing where she’s makig other decisions based around this diagnosis, or is she just bugging you to seek treatment on that basis?
My mother always treated my brother and I differently, although she denied it until her death (and even beyond). I don’t know if it’s Golden Child syndrome, though. My brother has extremely limited social skills, quite possibly Asperger’s, and almost no ambition. He never moved out of our mother’s house, never had a job more serious than a paper route. Mom never enforced much discipline on him. Maybe he was her favorite (for whatever reason), maybe she felt he needed more care and protection, maybe my brother knew she’d never have the will to kick him out and so he just got away with as much as he could.
Your brother has skills that surpass those of licensed doctors, who would be required by law to examine you before making such a diagnosis, and then required to keep it private.
Ask your brother to recommend a defamation lawyer as someone is going around saying you have “y” disease when you do not. That this meddlesome gossip is destroying your relationship with your mother and he should f’in stop it. Or you will kick his ass.
I hated that movie.
In all seriousness, my family doesn’t have a Golden Child, it has a Child Who Gets Shit On, and that’s my sister. At least to my mother. She doesn’t treat me like a god, but for whatever reason her frustrations in life are all vented upon my sister, for what reason is known to no one in the universe, and often in ways that are as comical as they are tragic. (In my honest opinion, my sister is actually a more attentive and doting daughter than I am a son.) My sister and I have hour-long conversations trying to figure out what the hell’s wrong with Mom. I’ve tried to talk to Mom about it but she’s psychologically incapable of understanding.
Anyway, apparently a few weeks ago, Dad finally confronted Mom about her non-stop shittery on my sister, and it’s since gone into remission, but it will start again.
Tell your mother that you are taking treatment for the illness, but that while you are terribly happy with your brother for giving an excellent diagnosis, you are afraid that your brother will lose his law license for the felony of practicing medicine without a license, so, you are going to the District Attorney to make sure that he doesn’t get your brother into trouble.
Give it up.
Move. Get unlisted phone. Name your cat as next of kin.
You will not change your mother’s mind, and if your brother is a lawyer and still thinks he is qualified to make a medical diagnoses, you certainly aren’t going up against that kind of blind, arrogant, assholery.
Really folks, can you imagine a lawyer telling a client to listen to a medical diagnoses made by a non-medico? It boggles the mind - not only does your mother put the twit above all else, he also puts himself there.
I take it ‘y’ has some social implications and/or denotes mental illness.
Love them or leave them (I chose the latter); you will never change them.
On the bright side: 2 fewer holiday cards to send.
Oh yes, by all means:
I suspect you could easily win a judgement of alienation of affection.
Go ahead and attack and punish your mother’s God Child. Maybe get him disbarred!
That will certainly fix things in the family.
I’ve got a question.
If it was anyone else suggesting that you have “y”, would you listen to them?
Is it a matter of having “y” being impossible to you, based on what you know about yourself? Or is it that because Golden Child thinks you have it, you think it must be wrong?
It is true that doctors miss the obvious. And sometimes WE miss the obvious. We can’t see things that fall in our personal blindspots.
If you aren’t interested in pursuing the angle presented to you by your brother, you should politely tell both him and your mother that you appreciate their assistance, but you have decided to shelve the discussion for now. You can tell them you’re tired of being poked and prodded. Or you can tell them that having a diagnosis at this point in your life isn’t going to do anything but weigh you down with another label, and you’re sick of that shit. If they insist, tell them you have made up your mind and you’d like for them to drop it. It would help if you can tell them you’re doing fine with your current treatment regime.
You don’t have to cut all ties with them. Just cut this particular one and stand firmly.
My eldest SIL could do no wrong when my SO and his siblings were growing up. She still can do no wrong even though her kids are now mostly grown. She’s essentially my MIL’s parrot, as my my youngest SIL, and she even more so.
My middle SIL, who the least parrot-like, is the one who is still trying to “prove” herself.
Thankfully neither my SO nor his brothers are part of this competition. They and my FIL just look on and roll their eyes.
I know you wanted to reword a topic as a question, but there really isn’t a need to make a new topic about it, so I’ve merged the two topics about the same thing into one thread.
My mom was the second of five kids. Per rural southern tradition, her big brother was GOD. I’ve never dug into it because my mom has more issues than National Geographic. But there is some long-standing resentment that peeks out in the form of her opinions about how moms treat their sons.
Apparently I was the Golden Child. It didn’t occur to me until my sisters told me so after my parents both passed away. I figured I was treated differently because I was the baby and I was the only boy.
I still don’t see myself as the GC, I just see myself as somebody who played the game better than my sisters. My father was extraordinarily difficult and my sisters rebelled and hated him. I chose to have a relationship with both parents therefore I was treated better. I learned that very early on. I understood the rules of the game and played within them, they chose to try to play a different game and they lost. I didn’t ask for that position but I sure as hell wasn’t going to say no to it.
My sisters relationship with our parents, is their issue, not mine. They chose that position with my father, and they need to live with it. I’m unapologetic, I had no control over the situation but I took advantage of it.