I think “SPAM” stands for
“Some Poor Animal’s Mother”…
But I still like it.
So do cannibals;
They love to eat SPAM because
It tastes like people.
It’s great when camping;
Slice thinly and fry: voila!
Bacon substitute!
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
I blush to post this
After chef masterpieces
But spam inspires me
Metal encased meat
Unknowable mystery
It’s mete I meet you
inconceivable? i don’t think that word means what you think it does
I feel that I should
Make it clear that I know eggs
Aren’t vegetables.
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Here are a few I wrote when I was addicted to N64’s Podracer. You may have to know the game to get some of these:
Teemto Pagalies
Rev your engines, power.
Sebulba burns you.
Ratts Tyrell’s engines
Sound kinda funny today.
Missing a pit droid.
Ebe Endocott
I start with your pod
'Cause Anakin’s sucks.
Bozzie Baranta
Your engines gleam in the hot
Tatooine twin suns.
Ben Quadinaros,
You look like an ear of corn
But your pod is fast
“Bullseye” Navior
Your gambling addiction
will surely kill you.
Sebulba’s flash vents
are certainly illegal.
You go, little dug.
You die in the film,
But I like your podracer.
Mars Guo, you kick ass.
I tried for six days
To beat the Baroonda course.
Thank you, Abacus.
Executioner
Antigravity tunnels.
Let me count the ways…
Up agead, what’s that?
Another short-cut, I hope.
No, a sandcrawler.
Do you hear that noise?
Damn pesky Tusken Raiders
Camped out over night.
Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam
Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam
Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam
Hormel branded Treet
Compressed quasi-nutrition
Or Python refrain
inconceivable? i don’t think that word means what you think it does
Ok Chef, I’ll try. How about a haiku on the major flaws in Creationism Theory.
“My mind reels with sarcastic replies!” - Snoopy
Two weeks of classes
left. Will Riddles survive?
Only time will tell.
(that’s my self absorbed haiku for the day.)
A little persistance goes a long way. Announcing:
“I go on guilt trips a couple of time a year. Mom books them for me.” A custom made Wally .sig!
I can’t write haikus
But I request Chef Troy try
subject: “pantyhose”.
That was pretty bad.
But here’s another subject.
Give “breadfruit” a shot.
Is one more okay?
“Brake lining” might be a tough
topic to haiku.
It is of concern
to keep this vital part
in shape, lining brake.
You do not wish to
slam into a fat guy named
Fingers, fix brake pads
Today I blew it
had to work, didn’t go with her
Goddess Diana
Perhaps next week I
shall ask her to go with me
maybe for ice cream
Probably not, though
Ice cream sound so fifties
Let’s go to sockhop
I tried to write some
in colloquim, but they
were sad like dead clowns
She wanted to read
them, the only good one was
about saggy foot
Okay, so I stole
from Tom Green, but saggy feet
is his least worry
He has a growth in
his nutsack, poor crazy Tom Green
cut off balls, cancer
I drop the paddle
to my left hand, then switch it
back to my right hand
I’ve had a table
in my basement for years, on
that green wood, many tears
Hit it fast like a
Chinese man, playing in the
Olympics. Play, man
–Tim does not have any
funny things to haiku about
tonite, later, ok?
You can’t accidently create a handicapped baby whilst smoking pot. - Coldfire
Can we trust the Chef
To separate Bacon from
His roman a’ clef?
Dr. Watson
“If it isn’t midsummer, why am I dreaming?”
You are all weirdos.
But I’m laughing anyway.
I need more hobbies.
Hey, sweetie! You want a Danish with that coffee? – another custom design by the mind of Wally
A man said to the universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”
– Stephen Crane
Your Haiku is nice
It’s not just 17 words
In three lines, broken
Introduction first
Exposition then follows
Then last-Conclusion
The sun has risen
As we get ready for work
This thought comes-Don’t go!
Just to take all the
words, break up the sentence, is
not proper Haiku
I must go to work
Looking forward to days end
My keyboard awaits
Eagles may soar free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
I’m no expert, but
The complete lack of proof is
What bugs me the most.
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Pantyhose
Ironic: so strong
They can replace a fan belt,
But a snag ruins them.
Breadfruit
The natives eat this
Starchy foodstuff. I tried it:
“Ewww! Where’s McDonalds?”
Brake Lining
Brake shops can do this
Quite cheaply, “in most cases.”
(But not in your case.)
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Asleep, he dreams and
Happy dandelions are
Dancing in his head.
Cheffie, how about one in recipe form for unconditional love, hidden.
You are more than a human being, you are a human becoming.
Og Mandino
That’s my name, not a description. I am neither purple nor a bear. Okay, so I’m purple.<a true Wally original!>
Why go to the work
Of chasing me to two boards
To sneer at my stuff?
“Haiku Master” is
just a humorous title.
Don’t you get it, Slythe?
These are just for fun,
Not meant as serious art.
But I CAN do those.
Ancient, gnarled tree bark
Meets tender little-boy skin.
Joy turns into tears.
Please save your bad vibes.
If you want to sneer at me,
Go start your own thread.
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
How about a haiku on erectile dysfunction, cheffie?
Thank God for “Straight Dope,”
For I have two hours of work
But eight hours on-clock.
Give me immortality, or give me death!
That was great Chef. Thanks! You are truely the master.
“My mind reels with sarcastic replies!” - Snoopy
How about one on El Chupacabra?
Thanks for the love note, Chef!
Love note so fluid,
punctuated by my sighs.
You are my plural.
Yours,
Heather
Your happiness, love,
Is essential to my own.
But you’ll never know.
Oops, that’s not in recipe form. How about:
Take one part desire,
One part unreturned longing;
Ferment in the dark.
Darn it, that’s in recipe form but it isn’t about unconditional love. third time’s the charm:
Take adoration,
Remove all contingencies,
And you’ll have a dog.
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef