Now that’s fertile ground for haiku, if you’ll pardon the pun.
Vasodilators
Could have saved Bob Dole’s campaign.
Go, Viagra, go!
Here’s another one:
Have we discovered
Why Slythe’s angry? “Don’t worry,
It happens to all guys.”
And another:
My iguana’s sick.
He’s all floppy. Could he have
Reptile dysfunction?
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Hey, forget Bigfoot!
This goat-sucking monster has
Much more charisma.
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Chef, I figured Slythe was referring to the rest of us apprentices, journeymen, and general pseudo-haiku writers. His comments could never apply to the master. 
Inconceivable? I don’t think that word means what you think it does.
In keeping with the theme of the thread, and yet getting a message across:
Dear Haiku Master,
Please check your email soonest.
A message awaits.
(Yes, I know it sucked. I never claimed to be the Haiku master, either…)
Thanks, Cheffie! I love them. You are indeed the Master. <drops into a deep curtsy, parts of her almost falling out of her top> Ahem! Oops! :o
You are more than a human being, you are a human becoming.
Og Mandino
That’s my name, not a description. I am neither purple nor a bear. Okay, so I’m purple.<a true Wally original!>
Err, Chef…
If I am not mistaken, many of your so-called ‘haiku’ are not haiku.
Any stooge can write 5-7-5 syllables, but for it to qualify as a haiku, each line must be an INDEPENDENT CLAUSE.
Therefore:
Would you like to see my list
of ingredients
would NOT qualify as a haiku.
Soylent Green llama,
Is it man or animal?
Charlton Heston knows.
Y2K’s coming,
The end of the world is near,
Enjoy a Big Mac.
Dick Van Patten dad,
Willie Ames, Adam Rich sons,
Eight is just enough.
Gary Coleman’s broke,
Brother’s jailed, sister’s dead.
Whatchoo talkin’ bout?
Erik Estrada.
CHIPS cop or Latin lover?
Poncherello rules!
Nutrasweet and Coke,
Sugar rush and caffeiene high.
Bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce.
Your ass is so large,
It absorbs sunlight dammit.
Lose some freakin’ weight!
O purple llama,
Silly, silly llama friend,
You taste so darn good.
80’s station on,
What? Please no goddamned Enya,
Gonna’ slit wrists now.
Playing Scrabble well,
Got the triple word score, yay!
Aximaglumous.
Happy Holidays,
Be healthy, wealthy, and wise,
Joy to the llamas.
Llama, o llama,
My six-legged super pet,
Let me eat your cheese.
Jungle lord Tarzan,
Master of all that he sees,
But not the llamas.
Sail the Love Boat,
Meet television’s has-beens,
Oh god, not cancelled!
Llamas are the best,
They help you keep warm at night,
They taste good at noon.
O Valentine’s Day,
Have your love come for dinner,
Eat her with gravy.
That Homer Simpson,
He thought a waffle was God,
Mmmmmm… sacralicious.
O-S-C-A-R,
M-A-Y-E-R it’s spelled,
Llama bologna.
The llama is all,
It is our breath and our light,
Without it, nothing.
Don’t fear the llama,
It just wants to be your friend,
It will then eat you.
My llama mama,
In Alabama slamma’,
Why did you eat him?
Why do you eat Spam?
Is it because it’s healthy,
Or tastes like people?
Chocolate llama,
So delicate, so gentle,
I’ll bite your head off.
Naughty Courtney Love,
What did you do to poor Kurt,
You are no llama.
Ahoy submarine,
I love your long hard body,
Chock full of seamen.
Boobooboobooboo,
Boobooboobooboobooboo,
A ghost convention.
Misfits of Science,
We miss you on NBC,
Cancelled far too soon.
BA Barakus,
I pity the foo’ sucka’,
Keep me off that plane.
Pastrami on rye,
Is there anything better?
Sex cannot compare.
Riding the short bus,
Wiping the drool off the chin,
Corky strikes again.
:::wah? What?::
I’m sorry, I must have nodded off…
Catrandom
And just whom was that intended to insult?
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
fire breathin circus midgets 
heres a haiku i write it sad 
As the white snow falls
A lost baby bird cries out
for its lost mother
Oh, Haiku “Master”
I’m sorry your pride is hurt
Only you may rhyme??
My Haiku lessons
Were meant to help those who try
Not to undermine
If you wish, I’ll leave
I did not want to mock you
Other threads await
Eagles may soar free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
Goddamn it, Chief Troy.
You truly are the master.
Green leaves fall on snow.
But you’ve met your match.
You are not infallible!
Autumn moon shines bright.
Felching is kid’s stuff.
Lonely flowers cry to wind.
Try an Amish one.
A special haiku.
Red trees bear fruit made of glass.
This one is in Deutsch!
“I believe every word that man just said, because it’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”
-Space Ghost
Yikes! I thought it was clear that, such as it was, it was aimed at Mr. Tutone, a.k.a. the loquacious newbie who obviously hadn’t read through the thread. Sorry, sorry, sorry :o
From now on I stick to my own “no flaming” rule.
Catrandom
Haiku Master, here are two subjects:
French voltigeurs
Lumbar intradisk herniation
If no one objects?
I’ll attempt to make Haiku
Using those phrases
Infantry snipers
Regimental riflemen
How irregular!
Eagles may soar free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
slythe: I bow to you. I didn’t think anyone knew what a voltigeur was.
OK, how about this?
hoplon
lamina
The Greek infantry
Small round shields guarding troops
Go, Hoplites, Go!
Do you mean the leaf?
Perhaps a narrow rock bed,
Or horse hoof tissue?
The Cuban boy saved
No longer a prisoner
Of hot politics
“Dr. Laura” Show
Inciteful dialogue, or
Inciting hatred?
Eagles may soar free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
slythe: Excellent! But it should be:
The Greek infantry
Large round shields guarding troops
Go, Hoplites, Go!
Lamina: I mean the bone…
OK, what about: Qin Shi Huangdi?
Great Chinese unifier
Two thousand years in the past
Emperor Supreme