Jesus Haploid Christ, is this the price I have to pay to watch Perry Mason 4 times a day?
[ul][li]JCPenney’s One Day Only sale. Given that the Hallmark Channel balances the volume on all of their actual shows so low that I’m constantly amazed by the fact that Beltone isn’t one of their sponsors, the first half-second of this commercial would wake up Ludwig van Beethoven, who is stone deaf on top of being over a 170 years stone dead. I would garner some joy from the fact that today is the day for the One Day Only sale, but for the fact that after the One Day Only sale, they’ll be shoving the Day After Christmas sale down my gullet.[]Hanes Tagless Tees. Morons gesticulating wildly due to the supposedly mind-altering irritation caused by their computer generated t-shirt tags to the tune of bing-bing-da-bi-bing-bidi-bidi-bing-bidi-bi-bing-bing. Then Michael Jordan telling me in his (presumably) adorable thick-tongued and tone-deaf way that “Id’s god do be the dag. Go dagless.” Fucking shoot me now. Whatever happened to dapper Mike who said “They’re Hanes. And let’s just leave it at that”?[]The condition of my floors. In the last hour, you have tried to sell me a v-twin vacuum cleaner, a wet-dry vac for cleaning kangaroo footprints, and both a wet and a dry swiffer. How 'bout we get back to how fat I am, how dingy my teeth and laundry are, and how me and my breath smell bad? You know, the good old days.[/ul][/li]At this moment, there are only two good things I can think of to say about the commercials on the Hallmark Channel:[ul][li]They’ve aired Merlin, so I don’t have to see that badly-done zoom-in on Sam Neill’s eyeball every fifteen minutes.That cute little brunette with the post-pep-rally voice from the Glad commercials is growing on me.[/ul][/li]Christ, I hope I get a shitload of DVDs for Christmas.
