Now everytime I go to pour some Silk on my Cap’n Crunch I’m going to think of that.
Note to self: sarcasm not always appreciated by far-away stellar objects. Iconic faces apparently necessary to indicate “joke.” Perhaps, due to great distances between stars, punch line is still in transit.
Parting thought: Would a reference to “the Milky Way” be enough to make this a hijack of the previous post?
I used to eat Milky Ways a lot, but now I’m more partial to Butterfingers.
(candy bars Dammit! candy bars!)
Standardization, where have you gone?
An impersonal forum where the interchange of ideas is time delayed and the precise message intended by them obstructed by the lack of physical gestures or voice tones which in regular day to day interactions are of fundamental importance towards achieving a more fluent and efficient communicational process ::takes deep breath:: needs the presence of emotion conveying icons (smilies) to clarify on the statements being made.
Standardization of the language used is necessary to convey ideas properly and allow for unambiguous interpretation of one’’s posts. If, according to the forum’’s understood rules, sarcasm or jokes are manifested through the aid of such emoticons, their absence should in turn imply the absence of a sarcastic/humorous tone.
That being said I recommend DaAce to take the Posting 101 course, as I consider it would allow him to improve on the nonexistent clarity and clearness that are presently so detrimental to his posts.
Recapping what was said before, here is a quick lesson to help ya: smilies are used to convey emotions. Their absence implies that commentaries should be taken as they are, there is nothing to indicate otherwise. When someone posts something like “you’re actually a lower form of life than any of the other posters in this thread” and refrains to display a smilie adjacent to such remarks, two plausible scenarios surface:
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The poster meant what he said and as such is a possibly frustrated individual who has nothing better to do than to act as a fight instigator at online message boards.
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The poster doesn’t know what smilies are and that is why he omitted them. That shouldn’t apply here, since we are talking about a guy who registered almost a year ago (November 1999).
Ergo, what was deducted from his post was an obvious and self-evident conclusion.
In any case, since he has backed up in his commentaries by affirming that there was a magnificently well hidden sarcasm in his post (BTW, I am being sarcastic here) I will finish my lesson at this point and proceed to continue the hijack madness.
So, here is my question(s), ** would the antichrist have an antipenis? Would he fart upwards?**
Oh, DaAce, almost forgot, this post’’s content is entirely sarcastic. I omitted smilies to please you (once again, what a swell dude I am) since you made your disregard for them very clear.
Hm, now we really are hijacking this thread. Fitting, I guess.
I could say that smilies are the tools of people who can’t make themselves understood without them, but (as we’ve just demonstrated) that would include me, at least in this case. (So let me point that gun away from my foot…)
I don’t like smilies, and I don’t use them. There’s a certain nudge-nudge-wink-wink quality to them that I find unpleasant and damaging to the conversation they become part of. Mankind has managed to conduct written business for several thousand years with recourse to emoticons, so clearly they’re not necessary. This board is rather heavily infested with them, but it’s otherwise quite a nice place.
I don’t use smilies in memos or personal e-mails, and I don’t use them on this board. I try to phrase my posts so that (in context) their meaning is not ambiguous. But all human communication systems are fallible; some messages are received garbled. I don’t consider a quick icon to be a substitute for carefully-chosen words. So I take the time to carefully write my posts, proofread them, and then send them on. They may still be taken in a way I didn’t intend, but generally not by those who read carefully and attentively.
To turn to the actual beginning of this little contretemps, you wrote:
Then I wrote:
Your post actually defamed you more than mine did (though I did also refer to you as “hot shit”), so I was surprised that you were so monstrously offended when someone (and it just happend to be me this time) responded to your post in kind. I do wish that I’d thought of some more inventive insults (“lower form of life” is flat and lifeless), but I was trying to post before someone else beat me to it.
On the other hand, you do call me “ultra-smart,” so you can’t be all bad…
Let me boil this all down, because this post is already too long: if you need “smilies” to tell you how to read words, I feel sorry for you. Most of the words you read in life won’t have handy flags attached to them to tell you whether to take offense or not. And I’m not the only poster here – nor the most prolific, not by a long shot – who doesn’t use smilies. So you might want to take a course yourself: we could call it Reading 101.
Finally, for your benefit: some of this post is meant to be read sarcastically and some seriously. I’ll leave it to you to decide which is which.
Here’s a hint: the very last sentence (below, for those of you counting at home) is meant only in the purest spirit of fun.
If you had an antipenis, you could go unfuck yourself with it.
My anti had a penis after she came back from Europe.
Da Ace
You amuse me, which is why I am going to be condescending:
You conveniently miss-quoted me as saying
What I really said was:
you can kiss my thread-hijacking, bullshit-talking, fart-vomiting ass. 
Note the important role that the smilie plays. In its absence, an offensive message would have no doubt been interpreted. In its presence, it becomes clear that what was said was meant as a joke and thus is not to be taken seriously.
Continuing your inconsistent rambling you stated:
What your “reasoning” says is this: instead of displaying a smiley face adjacent to you can kiss my thread-hijacking, bullshit-talking, fart-vomiting ass. in order to indicate that it is not to be taken seriously, one should instead go like this:
What I am about to say is not meant seriously, it is intended as a joke. Please don’t be ofended by it: you can kiss my thread-hijacking, bullshit-talking, fart-vomiting ass.
Now, that’s efficient; instead of typing the two characters that represent the smiley face, one should instead write a whole explanation to clarify the fact that the statement is not offensive in nature.
If you didn’t catch the irony, smilies are not necessary buy they do SIMPLYFY the post writing process. Less words involved = less to think = simplicity.
To further refute your argument against the benefits implicit in smilies I quote an excerpt from my previous post which evidently your"extraordinary" reading abilities didn’t allow you to comprehend:
“An impersonal forum where the interchange of ideas is time delayed and the precise message intended by them obstructed by the lack of physical gestures or voice tones which in regular day to day interactions are of fundamental importance towards achieving a more fluent and efficient communicational process ::takes deep breath:: needs the presence of emotion conveying icons (smilies) to clarify on the statements being made”.
Or, in terms you can grasp, emoticons replace the physical gestures that in common person-to-person interactions allow to convey more appropriately the idea intended by the verbalized message. In written english, such as the one used here, they act as standarized simbols that exemplify facial emotions and gestures and thus diminish, to a certain degree, the limitations inherent to such an impersonal form of communication.
You then proceeded to say:
I assume you somehow inferred that from this:
“Guess you “ultra-smart” individuals…”
Dude, you are only digging yourself a deeper hole. The quotation marks around ultra-smart clearly indicate the ironic connotation of the remark. Now please tell me who needs Reading 101 lessons :rolleyes:
Closing statements
I didn’t intend for this post to be offensive to you. I wrote it like I did following the tone of your own message. So much for being condescending :rolleyes: In any case, I hope you won’t mind.
Finally, from your initial posts I thought you were a moron. Your last post proved that assumption to be erroneous. I know believe, make that know, that you are a smart individual. Whatever misunderstandings that have surfaced here are to be attributed to different ideological views and, evidently, to the communicative limitations inherent to the impersonal conversational forum provided by online chatting (message boarding?)
And now, finally, a hijack
Yeah, I believe in the Roswell crash. What is there not to believe? It makes perfect sense that a civilization so incredibly advanced as to be capable of traversing the vast reaches of space and finding within such immensity a haven for life, an oasis in the cosmic desert, a pale blue dot in space (we miss you Carl Sagan) was unable to manage a decent landing on their desired destination and crashed their mighty spaceship into the ground.
What is there to be skeptic about? Maybe the pilot didn’t wake up from his hibernation state, maybe he was deep-space masturbating, maybe he had a cancelled interstellar license, maybe he was a kamikaze alien, maybe he saw a blonde, lost concentration and Kaboom! Spacehip crashes and alien brains are splattered throughout the New Mexican desert.
Or maybe, just maybe, one drunk saw some lights in the sky and came to the inevitable conclusion that he had just witnessed an alien crash. :rolleyes:
S-I-M-P-L-I-F-Y. :rolleyes:
Ah, love is in the air, and it’s not even springtime.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled hijack, already in progress:
So, speaking of my auntie Enis, she used to crochet the most beautiful afghans. They were so warm and snuggly, well, until they got stretched out and the little holes became big holes. Like big enough to stick a toe through. Brrrrrr!
“Tato Skins got potato appeal, 'cause they’re made with potatoes and skins that are real.”
Take that.
And speaking of Tato Skins, what is the all the fuss about the Antichrist, what about the Antibuddha? the Antimohammed? Hey, they deserve their due too, don’t you think?
Skins? I remember playing basketball in gym in high school. We played shirts and skins. Do the high school girls play shirts and skins? Can I get a tape of the seniors ? (18+)
I got a really annoying skin for my winamp player.
Its a pizza hut skin that really sucks because you cannot tell what the buttons are supposed to be.
mmmmmmmmm…pizza hut
And speaking of food, what if Jesus had been decapitated instead of crucified? Would he have resurrected with or without his head? If the latter speculation were to be correct, would the Holy Trinity’s nature be adjusted to this events, and be thus “reconceptualized” as being conformed by four entities instead of three: the Father, The Holy Spirit, Jesus’ Body and Jesus’ Head?
Y’know, funny thing Jesus, well actually its not that funny, but there are a few laughs involved. Wait, should I consider it funny if there are only a couple chuckles to be had during the story? Or would it just be considered a story, not a “funny” story. I’m always overanalyzing stuff and going on tangents, I don’t know why, its just in my nature. Sometimes it really pisses off my friends. They all say, “Jeff, shut the hell up.” Or, “Dude, we don’t care. Stop talking.” I don’t let it get to me as much as I used to. I used to cry like a baby and whine untill they just listened to what I had to say. That was the old Jeff, now I’m a little diff. I’m more passive, and “tacked” if you will. Oh, oh, oh! I got a new bulletin board for my room today. Its great, though I feel wierd about throwing my old one out. Ah well. I think I’m gonna go gets some push pins for it in a little while.
We work in a great big room with those soft walls.
You know, the ones that stop about 3 feet short of the ceiling and are covered with a carpet-like material.
Well, I like to stick important papers to these wall with push pins.
And then, some indeterminate time later, the pins will ‘pop’ out of the walls and fling themselves, and their papers, onto my desk, or the floor, like little suiciders off a bridge.
Man, I hate that!
Yeah, isn’t that annoying?
One time, I posted a note to myself on my steering wheel, since you can’t count on the walls retaining these things, to remind me to drive up to the mountain and view the beautiful leaves. We have beautiful leaves up here in the PNW, and when they turn~well, all I can say is that IMHO the fall is the most beautiful time of year here in “God’s country.” That is what my grandad Scotty always said that the PNW is, God’s Country. And he always said it in capitals, too.
So anyway, I posted this note on my steering wheel, and when I got in (it was a sticky note, you know, and how annoying are THEY? They don’t really stick to anything long enough to know what they refer to, unless you already know) it peeled off and stuck to my jacket. So then I forgot to go up to the mountain, and missed the beautiful leaves.
And then, I didn’t wear that jacket again until the middle of winter, because then I needed to wear it to go to a party and there it was, a reminder to go up and view the leaves. I have to tell you, there are no leaves on the trees up in the mountains in the middle of winter.
So, I was trying to figure out why I would have wanted to go up to the mountain to view the leaves when there weren’t any leaves, and I realized that the note must have been from the fall, instead of winter. And so I mentioned it to someone at the party, and they suggested that perhaps I needed to check into the nearest psychiatric facility.
They have lots of sticky notes there, and most of the nurses don’t know why the sticky note is stuck to a chart with different names than the chart they are stuck on. Sheesh, and these people are supposed to be professionals?
Say, I wonder what kind of credentials you need to have to work in a psychiatric facility? Because, it seems to me that some of the employees here are more unbalanced than the inmates.
I submit that although I may be crazy, I have just hijacked not only this thread, but my own post. Zillions, and zillions of times.
Say, was it Sagan who originated that phrase, “Zillions and Zillions of…”
How annoying is THAT?
I don’t know about Zillions and Zillions but Sagan did write “Billions and Billions.” Speaking of science, consider this:
Assume that China wanted to inflict some heavy damage to the U.S. They don’t have the delivery systems to carry a nuclear warhead across the Pacific Ocean and into American soil. They could probably strike Hawaii but who gives a rat’s ass, right? So what do they do? Winds, lots of them.
Let me elaborate: you get all 1.2 billion Chinese people to eat some fart inducing food (Chinese beans, or something like that). After proper digestion they drop their pants down and point their asses in the direction of California, billions of pounds of fluffy flesh focusing its collective anger against mainstream America. Like a perfectly synchronized orchestra they simultaneously let go of that gaseous symphony residing in the deepest confines of their anuses.
The energy released by those farts combines to produce the most bitching, ass-kicking hurricane ever. A few hours after the main burst, 800 miles per hour winds devastate California. The ones who survive the hurricane, the resonance-induced building oscillations, the methane-combustion generated fires and the wind-driven tsunami can not make it through the seductive smell that accompanies all the destruction. A gigantic fart cloud envelops the atmosphere inducing asphyxia, suicide and mass hysteria. Only the highly evolved (fart resistant individuals) survive.
And all you California dudes were worrying about earthquakes and that crap. :rolleyes: Wake up and smell the farts, dudes! They are coming and they are going to get ya! So, what you gonna do?
Speaking of California, has anyone paid any attention to the SAG strike talks? Film stars are quick to show support in spirit to their brethen, but not in sharing their money. People making several million dollars a year next to people barely scrapping money together. It’s worse than professional sports.
…by posting the one thing in the universe that would not be a hijack to it… a link to a previous thread of the same ilk:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=14324