The horror of blimps

The BBQ Pit
21

Me: (incompletely choked-off hysterical laughter)

My Boss: What’s so funny about the malfunctioning BizTalk Server, Steve?

Me: (long pause) … err … I was just amused by the implementation of the reliable messaging interface … (gathers speed) I mean, how can they call it reliable, when they allow receipt messages to build up indefinitely in the suspended queue, and -

My Boss: (loses interest and wanders off)

So there we are. Not just a wonderful OP, but also a golden opportunity for me to practice my bullshitting skills. Keep 'em coming, Scylla!

22

I seriously have tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard. Thanks, Scylla!

23

Dread Zeppelin

24

God that sounds cool. I want one myself, and I’m MUCH older than your three-year-old daughter.

25

Next time, don’t skimp - make sure to get the Lifelike high impact plastic scale mooring mast too.

26

The ease in which your wife dispatched the floating twinkie was due no doubt in large part to your previous heroic efforts.

Mebbe if you built a large floating badger…

27

<bernse grabs scoring placards>

10

Audience goes wild!
Great story. I’m glad I was alone in the office when I read it!

28

I don’t know, malden. I think the bit about the alligator brain is what did it for me. To recap:

So Scylla, how did your wife wake up in time without a functioning alarm clock?

29

Envision how much more terrifying if it had been a mock-up of the Shamu blimp!

TV News Anchor: Last night a local man was terrorized by a miniature killer whale while sleeping in his home at 1313 Mockingbird Lane.
Anchor #2: A what ???

You really should consider submitting this OP to publications that actually pay for this type of creativity. Rock On!! :stuck_out_tongue:

30

Angry and, it would seem, extremely dangerous.

That going from pleasant snooze to fully awake with hackles raised thing’s exhausting too isn’t it? Our bed struts broke in the middle of the other night and although I got back to sleep I was a wreck the next day.

31

Plus! I now know what I’m going to get the BF for his late birthday present!

(ps, we have that hot water baseboard heat).

Althoughhhhhh, we DO have a rather psychotic aussie too…

32

That’s why he calls her the Angel of Death, and as an affectionate term, even.

Glad to hear it was just a false alarm at least; the last time I got woken out of sleep by a full emergency metabolic alert, the apartment immediately next to mine was ablaze.

I’m just glad I read this story before anyone else in my office came in - data collection isn’t typically a cause to nearly spray one’s computer monitor with tea. :smiley:

33

At risk of being accused of hyperbole, I laughed till tears were streaming down my face, and then I laughed some more. Publish this! Dave Barry will be quake in fear at the coming of a wit fit to challenge his own.

34

Truly a work of art, Scylla. Not that I wish ill upon you, but I really enjoy it when the normal fabric of your life comes unraveled just a bit. It makes for great reading.

35

Just plain brilliant.

How do you nominate something for Teemings Extras? E-mail Euty?

36

That was hilarious! It is quite clear we need more such tales. Let’s all pitch in and buy the Scylla household several more blimps. Are there any ninja dopers who live near Scylla and are willing to sneak them in for us?

37

Scylla, we already have an Emperor of the World, the only things available are World’s Court Jester and Minister of Satire… your pick.

That was awesome dude. Awesome.

38

Is there a market here for a monthly magazine that includes one of Fenris’s spot-on parodies, a Scylla here’s-my-life-retold-in-hysterically-funny-prose story, an Eve things-you-didn’t-know-about-the-movies-you-watch column, and a few other such things, with Jonathan Chance’s marketing expertise making it financially sound?

I’m quite serious – the talent on this board would make millions, if it were properly marketed!

39

Yeah, it was called Teemings and Euty killed it.

40

Here it is: THE EVIL BLIMP!

I think my husband may need one of these for his birthday. . . :smiley: