Citizens of the Galaxy, I’m afraid to say you are the victims of a thousand-generation-old scam. “The Force” is nothing but an imaginary energy field, concocted as feel-good nonsense for members of the Jedi Order and as a way for the Jedi to consolidate their theocracy.
(Well, okay, you can’t really read all about it on that webpage, because the damn thing is still under construction, but you’ll get the general gist.)
In an age that has seen the miracles of Bacta tanks, repulsorlifts, hyperdrives, and the Death Star, why is it that we still feel the need to believe in hokey religions and ancient weapons?
Sir, I have run into these Force freaks on more than one occaision, and have lived to tell the tale.
Testimonial: I lost seventy-eight straight hands at Sabacc the other day. The big winner? Some squeaky dink with a nerf-tail haircut and a big brown robe. Everytime I’ll get set for a perfect twenty-three, he’d say something like “I need to change my position, my cloak’s getting folded,” and just like that I’d find that I’d thrown my best cards to the heap completely without realizing it. Probably explains why he didn’t pay for a single round of lomin-ale all night too.
Another: Last month Davin and I were out on a routine air patrol of the compound with the rest of the guys, and some spice-sucker hops out of the trees in the goofiest little repulsorcraft and starts spraying the skies with blaster fire. Now we’re not new to the concept of being shot at, so Davin forms up on my seven and we sweep off to the left to come at this guy from behind. Jeeve and Splatley are weaving around to distract him, the sirens start wailing, and all our automated defenses go on full bore. The autoturbolasers are firing, Davin’s firing, I’m firing, and this guy jinks that craft around like all our shots are slower than a Hutt mating. I mean, I’m rated silver for close-range atmo combat in the TIE, and I know for a fact Davin’s parents had him tinkered with as a kid to give him reflexes (I’ve seen him blasting fish as they hop out of the ocean when we go surface-skimming at half-speed), but we just can’t hit him. The way he’s weaving around, it’s like he knows we aren’t going to him and is just playing around to make us lose our cool. Sure enough, Jeeve gets frustrated and comes after him way way too fast, and the little ship pulls some kinda maneuver I’d never seen and Jeeve gets plastered right in the port collector array by one of our surface turrets. He went down in a spin and didn’t recover.
So with Jeeve gone, this little craft (now that I think of it, I think it may have been one of those sporty jobs from the Corporate Sector) goes right behind Splatley and puts one good shot into his engines, and ol’ Splat is left with his repulsors and no steering or throttle control - he shoots straight out of the furball, and we didn’t see him until three days later when he walked back to the gates with his helmet in one hand and his flight stick still in the other. By this time Flight Command figures this guy’s a real threat, so they start closing the dome to the compound, but right before it shuts, he slips the ship in there and we’re left buzzing around feeling like idiots because we can’t do anything. Right before the dome shut on him, I got a quick look into his canopy. What did I see? Brown robe. I heard later that the pilot managed to wipe out half a platoon of stormtroopers and stole our key codes for the month before disappearing into the forest.
So don’t tell me that there’s no Jedi. If you’re inferring that the entire third wing of Crimson Squadron is a bunch of no-skill farmboys who can’t hit a single intruder, you’ll be glad I’m only here on holo instead of in person. Worse yet, you dishonor those who fell to their wicked powers.
Rest in peace, Jeeve. We’ll blast that Jedi scum yet.
Don’t try and frighten us with your sorcerer’s ways, brianjedi. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Rebel’s hidden fort…"
Except for the titanic Force-storms that Palpatine summoned… or the mindwashing of potentially trillions of beings when he buried the Lusankya underneath Coruscant…
Remember, the Force is an ability that (midichlorians aside)Palpatine managed to quantify with his little “Force-detection paddles”, introduced in KJA’s Jedi Academy Trilogy.
yeah… ummmmm… jedi’s suck… and so does star wars anything with a big hairy retard as a character is a STUPID MOVIE!!! well that is just my opinion on george lucas’s “vision”…
